Impurity of Selfishness
by BeyondWords
Summary: Completed ed 8.06 After having a disturbing nightmare, Kagome returns to the past to find that she has been acting strangely, but she doesn't remember! This is a test IY and Kag's relationship, but in the end, Kagome must make an important choice...
1. Pt 1: Prelude to Doubt's Ensnare

**Author's Note**: I don't own IY or any of the characters or the story line, nor do I mean to make such a claim by using the concepts in this fic. Rumiko Takahashi owns it and some other companies also have the copyrights, so please don't sue me.

This is my first fanfic that I'm putting online. I'd write and then I'd look at the piece of work and think that it was not worth anything. Oh well, encouragement and putting the stories on this site will help me continue to write. Please tell me what you think through reviews, e-mails, etc- although I would appreciate it if no one would flame me to a crisp. If you have criticisms, please make them logical and rational if at all possible.

The way this fic starts out is very sad, but I have good reasons for that. We would not understand the concept of light without darkness, nor would we understand the value and potential power of love without acknowledging the inherent imperfections. That which we desired, worked for and received is far more valuable to us than something that came to us perfectly. Life doesn't really work that way and love doesn't seem to work that way in IY either- imho(in my humble opinion).

The first couple chapters reflect the darkness of doubt in the mind that can torture us and twist our emotions in knots. You rememeber episode 33 when Kikyo steals the large Shikon no Kakera from around Kagome's neck? Naraku had a trap in which people were ensnared by the doubts and fears in their own minds. I find that we do not need outside influences to bring ourselves to that point- we can ensnare ourselves, especially when the feelings run deep. At one point or another, we all must check our priorities and look into our motivations, especially when we have conflicting desires and mixed feelings.

Maybe writing a somewhat serious romance is ridiculous. Maybe all I'm supposed to share are stories that just don't seem so sad and complicated. Maybe someone should march me off to the looney bin right now. The men in white coats are my friends? Just kidding, everyone. Enough babbling- on to the story if you haven't assumed I'm insane already… thanks for reading!

**Impurity of selfishness**

"_Love becomes more selfish the deeper it gets…"_- what I remember of the translation of part of Moon Revenge, the song from the Sailor Moon R movie.

**Pt. 1: Prelude to doubt's ensnare**

In the distance, a multitude of cherry blossoms float gently to the pavement in the warm spring breeze. The sun shines in the mid-morning sky; not a cloud dares to float in the azure expanse of sky above us. Breathing in the sweetness of the morning, I sigh in peaceful contentment. A sudden thought flies into my head: we actually made it to this point. In spite of the doubts I once had about this relationship, this day has come. I glance at him as he confidently takes his place by my side and takes my hand in his own.

Today is our wedding day, the day I make my once crazy dream a reality. In this beautiful moment, it doesn't matter that life didn't turn out exactly how I thought it would. After all, no one ever promised us that life would be easy. Everyone has to work and fight for what they want, as Inuyasha and I learned when we fought for our relationship. After many years of uncertainty and questioning, our perseverance has finally paid off; I am about to be married to the person I love more than I could have ever dreamed possible.

I know that my friends and family were honestly surprised at this turn of events. More than that, they thought that this day could never come. But after seeing us together, some of them have told me how our story touches them. I am glad that others can find inspiration in how we made it through those difficult times, but the stories can't fully express the pain and doubt we felt. Living through all of that wasn't easy, but it was worth it. We were not sure that we could stay together in this time and even now, there is the slight chance that he would be pulled back into the past. The pain from the mistrust I felt concerning Inuyasha and Kikyo was much more painful than the fear of losing him when we finally chose a future together... but at least we have this moment.

All doubts aside, all of these precious people stand beside us in our decision and wish us all the luck and happiness in the world. I believe that everything will work out and we will find a way to live happily ever after. What else can we expect after everything else that has happened? Surely the hard times have passed. The old times have passed away and we will begin our new life from this beautiful moment on.

Suddenly a beautiful purple light shines from the space in front of my eyes. The Shikon no Tama, in its entirety, appears before us. Everyone focuses on the jewel with child-like wonder at its eerie beauty. Some of the wedding guests have seen the Shikon no Tama before, or at least some of its fragments. Others in attendance have not seen either. I turn to my love, the silver-haired hanyou who is standing by my right side. As our eyes link, the Shikon no Tama glows brilliantly and as a result we have no choice but to put up a hand to shield our vision from the brightness.

As I open my eyes to look through the intense light, I can see everything fading. My friends and family begin to disappear before my eyes. In panic, I reach out to my love, but all I can see is his eyes, that now look on me with scorn, pain and hatred. In that moment, everything about him faded except the prayer beads and his mocking, pouting grin, rather like an obnoxious, arrogant Cheshire cat. Shocked to the core, I call out in frustration and reach out one hand to him and the other to the glowing Shikon no Tama. I try to speak, but no words can express my true fears. A moment later, the cold light fades and I am left alone in the bleak blankness of space as cold as I imagine the inside of Miroku's kazanna to be.

There is no light, but somehow I can see. The Shikon no Tama lies in my hand and shines blood red in the thick blackness that couldn't be cut with a knife. Livid and scared by the circumstances, I try to throw the jewel away, but it comes right back to whack me in the face. As a bruise appears on my forehead, a necklace of blood red prayer beads and fangs appears on the glowing jewel. The piece of grotesque and eerie jewelry fastens itself around my neck and clicks into place with frightening finality. I put my hands up to take it off, but energy from the Shikon no Tama shocks me.

Not being able to remove the vile object, I sit and allow my will to live to give in to the emptiness of survival. With ironic clarity of mind, I examine myself. I also search the nothingness for something, for anything at all, but I feel only cold emptiness.

With unrelenting precision, a cruel thought enters my mind- my heart is no longer pure, like what happened to Kikyo. Unlike her, I am not dead; death would be a blessing. I have to live knowing that my selfishness has destroyed everyone I hold dear. This is the perversion of dreams and hope. I should have given up long ago on selfish desires and love and truly forced my heart away from him. If I had, at least everyone would be alive… and I would not be alone in a place beyond time, where I cannot measure the difference between years, decades, millennia or eternity.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions they say- I thought I had good intentions, but obviously I am a fraud. The darkness mockingly murmurs, "Welcome to hell; welcome to eternity; welcome to pain worse than death." No one was there to hear my incessant screaming or my heart-wrenching sobs… I was left alone.


	2. Pt 2: Manifestations of Doubt and Fear

"Love is like a mushroom- you never know if it's the real thing until it's too late."- unknown

_Having nothing to lose is one of the downfalls of the individualistic mentality adopted by our culture. Not only do we demean the importance of relationships, but also we condemn ourselves to a depressing existence by subscribing to the validity of this idea. For when we truly have nothing to lose, nothing has value to us. By nature, we long after that which we treasure, no matter what that may be. If nothing has worth to us- even our own lives- why live at all? I believe that love is precious and I will do anything in my power to protect and nurture love. _

**Pt.2: Manifestations of doubt and fear**

In my bed at home, I wake up with a start. Barely able to grasp the dream with my mind, I try to remember what happened as I brush the cold sweat from my trembling brow. A sudden déjà-vu feeling passes through my wildly-beating heart. _I have dreamt this before, but I don't know why I would torture myself this way. I don't believe that would ever happen, so it doesn't really matter. Does it? No, what I want doesn't matter. He's chosen Kikyo and doesn't love me. He's just playing with me and I should hate him for it, but for better or for worse… I don't- I don't think I could ever hate him, not really. I know I should despise him for his flippant behavior and procrastination in making choices. Well maybe he did decide… He chose her over me. Still, sometimes he treats me as more than just his friend or shard detector, but why can't he make up his mind? Obviously, he wants to protect her with his life. Much to my dismay and jealousy, he goes in a trance when he sees her and stares after her like a starving man hypnotized by a king's banquet. _

My eyes narrow as I scowl. Shaking my head slightly in frustration, my thoughts continue to run rampant. _He would never marry me, even if Kikyo would leave him alone and go to hell by herself… Oh that doesn't sound good. Am I really that horrible?_ I gasp and bite my lip. _But he would not marry me; he doesn't even want to be near to me. He protects me because I'm his shard detector. He has certainly made that very clear- both implicitly and explicitly. If the Shikon no Tama was completed, he would have no reason to be near to me except to steal the other object of his desire- the Shikon no Tama itself. I can barely believe or understand how he wants to become a full youkai even knowing that using the Shikon no Tama only results in suffering. If he fulfilled that supposed desire, he would cease to be himself. Perhaps the pain of childhood scorn and the lust for power are enough to surmount that possible barrier. Love isn't enough for him… I am not enough for him… nothing short of divine intervention and a miracle could save Inuyasha… oh don't think his name, Kagome- I don't know if you can stand it._

Idly pulling on a few strands of hair, I look down to compose myself. I give up and maintain my present focus. _When he looks at me, he still sees me almost like a detachment of Kikyo. If he feels anything for me, it's mostly or only because of my connection to Kikyo. He acts jealous and holds on to me for that reason and that reason only. He just can't bear to tell me to take a hike because he has a purpose for me._ I pound my fist on the bed in frustration and sigh. Then, I look around my room, get up and open the window to view the spring night. In the distance, the waxing gibbous moon glows brilliantly to light the cherry blossom trees. A gentle breeze wafts in, bringing in the light, sweet smell of the blossoms. The simple beauty and sweetness make my heart ache in response. A tear sadly and painfully slowly makes a path down my face, but I make no effort to push it away. Instead, I stare blankly ahead while trying to keep from sobbing. _Even more than that, if Kikyo ditches him, he's still got me, the ace in the hole- the one that's alive and wants him to live. Besides, isn't it nice to know someone who loves you and who will forgive you no matter what horrendous things you do to them? Certainly, I love to use the power of the prayer beads. _I grin for a moment, but then frown in slight realization. _Still… I do forgive him, help him and worry about him._

Grabbing my pillow and hugging it absently, I look out the window. _What do I want out of this relationship- am I really so stupid as to put up with this? Am I just praying for a miracle that I know will probably never occur? But uncontrollable emotions clash completely with any rational thoughts… When he holds me in his arms or calls my name, I feel my heart soar and my face flush._ My heart flutters slightly in remembrance, but I ignore it. _Sadly, I love him- there is no doubt about that- but is that enough? If something happened and he did want to be with me, how would it work? Which world would we live in? Could we even stay together in either time? What about being a hanyou- would that just cease to be an issue? Love cannot just push away these issues… is that the kind of life that I really want?_

_My feelings frustrate him, but he doesn't want the reincarnation- he desires the original, not the inferior sequel, as sequels tend to be. If I didn't hold on to him so tightly, he would be able to move on and he'd be happier. I just complicate matters; I am only in the way. He likes me enough not to want to hurt my feelings by asking me to leave him alone. By staying, I set myself up to fall, but I still stay. My presence makes everything worse, but I stay even knowing it inflicts pain on those I love. I really am sick and twisted._

Curling up on my bed, I look at the clock and realize that it's still the middle of the night. Sighing with resignation, I have made the decision to defer the decision until later. _I will have the strength to act and, well, leave when the correct time comes. Being aware of this, perhaps I can avoid the possible futures my heart fears will come. I am afraid to go back there tomorrow and to look into his eyes. Everything will come to the surface; I just know it. But the longer I wait, the harder it'll be to go back and the more likely it'll be that he'll come to drag me back with him… but I am afraid that he wouldn't come to get me, that he doesn't want me at all... moving on… So I will go back when I wake up in the morning as I said I would. I am strong; I can handle this. The truth is- I must; I have no choice. Everything will seem better and easier after the moment I look into his golden eyes again, even if he looks at me with contempt. I love him; it is all worth it. I just hope I don't hurt him or the others by this decision…_I lay back in bed to return to the land of my dreams, hoping to find more pleasant destinations than I had visited previously that night. Anxiety piques at my mind, but slowly I fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

A/N- Here's a poem I wrote last year- it just seems like it should go here. It's prose and not so wonderful but so? I like it and I can put it here if I want.

Waiting

Waiting for what may never come- that's what I do.

My flying mind, unable to focus on anything,

going round and round around nowhere.

In the middle of eternity,

wind currents fuel the warm pulsing tide of my ocean.

Caught between love and existence, I wander aimlessly.

Through the shadow of my logical processes,

I see my hovering doubts feeding upon the dreams I dream so quietly.

Dreams so precious that if they were spoken, they would break.

More fragile than glass, more beautiful than a perfect diamond, more impossible than the farthest reaches of my conscious imagination- that is my hope.

Hope that I know will break in two,

Dreams that will remain unfulfilled-

Worn from constant thought and dull from the dust of doubt-

The dreams still glitter and scintillate brilliantly in the shadowy recesses of my mind.

Impossible to kill, I treasure it although it stabs my subconscious and conscious self.

Beauty too shallow, too unreal, too painful;

Sorrow too tangible, too beautiful, too unfair-

All idealized principles we cannot hold in our limited minds-

Larger than ourselves- and more enduring than any fragile and tainted, unreliable memory.

How to fly?

Trying to create wings without a concept,

Trying to identify without senses,

Trying to believe without respect or hope,

Trying to be free while tying the self down with earnest love,

Trying to love without wanting to lose control,

Trying to not be in love through denial and conscious ignorance of definition,

Defying truth in the face of eternity- feeling without permission,

Desire unboundless, the mind unwilling,

But the heart knows better.


	3. Pt 3: The Morning After and Other Eerily...

_"I close my eyes, drew back the curtain, to see for certain what I thought I knew. Far, far away someone was weeping and the world was sleeping, any dream will do. I wore my coat with golden lining, bright colors shining, wonderful and new. And in the east, the dawn was breaking and the world was waking, any dream will do. A crash of drums, a flash of light, my golden coat flew out of sight. The colors faded into darkness, I was left alone. May I return to the beginning, the light is dimming and the dream is too. The world and I, we are still waiting, still hesitating, any dream will do."_ -Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

**Pt. 3- The morning after and other eerily ironic occurrences**

Morning breaks with golden and rosy clouds on the horizon and the sweet vocalizations of birds in the cherry trees. The early morning light caresses my face as I sleep peacefully. In my negligence, I left my window open after watching the stars from my window and thinking. A cherry blossom glides in through the open window and lands on the pillow next to my head. I smile gently in the warm, golden light. Partially awakened, I open one eye to inspect the flower that landed on my pillow. I half-smile at the beautiful pillow-mate before closing my eye again to get a little more sleep. Sighing in contentment, I flip over to sleep on my other side.

Before I could fall asleep again, a blood-curdling scream and line of unintelligible language shatter the peaceful morning air. Resigned and disappointed, I sit up in bed and take the cherry blossom in my hand for a moment before walking to the dresser to put the flower in my drawer. Slowly, I roll my eyes and peek out into the hall to see Souta running back and forth across the landing. He is flailing his arms about while Buyo holds on to his face for dear life. If a cat could scream bloody murder, Buyo would be doing so right then. Realizing that Souta must have had another nightmare, I smile ironically and sigh in relief that I don't run around screaming when I have bad dreams, like the horrendous experience last night. Putting that painful thought from my mind, I peel the frightened feline off my little brother's face.

His eyes are still closed, but I call his name softly and take him in my arms. Bursting into tears, he awakens to sob even deeper than before. Finally he realizes that I am right there with him and continues to express his fear without the use of actual words. Slowly, he regains his speech. "Nee-chan? Waaa it's horrible."

"Souta, it was only a dream. You're completely safe; it wasn't real. Don't be afraid; I'm here. I'll protect you. So will Mom and Grandpa-jii-chan- we are always here for you." I ruffle his brown hair gently with a smile.

Souta responds with a shake of his head. Tears continue to run unbidden down his small face. The helpless look in his eyes tears my heart in two. He runs at me again and holds me tightly in his arms. "Nee-chan- that's my point. You weren't there anymore. Everything disappeared." _A little frightened by the similarity of my dream to his, I feel I must press him for more details. Gently, gently- he's had quite a scare._ I take a deep breath to prepare myself.

"Souta, what do you mean everything disappeared? Please tell me everything you remember before you forget. It may be important." He sighs and I get him a box of tissues from the bathroom while leading him into my room. We sit down on my bed and he seems entranced by the pattern of my bedspread. Putting a hopefully comforting hand on his shoulder, I catch his eyes in an attempt to encourage him to continue his story. Slowly he nods and I sit back to let him purge himself of his terror.

"Well, it was about you and Inu no nii-chan. What was weird is that there were two of you, Kagome. Both of you kept fighting over Inu no nii-chan, too. There was this shiny rock in the dream and it turned from purple to red as you touched it at the end and then everything grew dark and cold. Everyone was gone; everything was gone except me- and I was afraid, nee-chan!" Souta crawls into my lap and cries into my pajamas. Shocked, I put my arms around him and ponder the meaning of these dreams. _Still, I know I can't tell Souta about my dream; he's scared enough as it is. I must reassure him. Maybe I'll end up reassuring him as well as myself in the process._

I try to smile as I wipe his tears away. "Souta, shhh now. It's alright. Dreams are not real, no matter how they may seem at the time. Nothing is going to happen; nothing will disappear. I find it strange that you dreamt about me and the other time, but remember that dreams are only the result of our minds playing with ideas- mixing them around until it's sometimes hard to figure out where the thoughts came from in the first place. You can't take dreams too literally." I smile at him but in my heart, I don't feel very convinced. _I'm not so eloquent after all; I hope he buys it, but I can give many reasons why that was not a very reassuring response._

With characteristic child-like innocence, his eyes widen as he considers my not-so-great explanation. "Grandfather-jii-chan says that dreams can sometimes tell the future or at least give us clues about what may happen." He looks at me expectantly and inside I mentally bash Jii-chan for telling Souta things like that when he's still young enough to believe so much in nightmares. _Then again, Jii-chan also believes that his seals have some power, but although I live in the shrine and even after traveling back in time, I still don't buy into all his legends, myths and supernatural ideas._

"Well, that's all well and good, but you can't take every dream so seriously. You'll go crazy if you do. Some dreams may do that but with time and training I guess you'll learn which ones have clues about potential future events and stuff. Don't obsess about it, k?" _Don't obsess about it- that's good advice. It's too bad I can't take my own good advice._

He looks up. "So it's grown-up to realize sometimes dreams mean nothing?" I nod and he smiles back at me. "Alright, I'll live and figure it out. I feel somewhat better now, nee-chan. Are you going back there today?"

Slowly, I affirm his statement. "Yeah I promised I'd go back this morning, but I need to take a shower and pack and all that stuff." I sigh and yawn. Souta jumps up and down and yanks me into his room.

"Good- I'm glad you're going back, because I got the medicines and the food together for you last night. I have a letter for Inu no nii-chan- will you give it to him for me? I hope he'll come visit us more often; he's fun!" My eyes almost tear up as I survey the great care in which he had anticipated what I would need. _My little brother is amazing; I hope he doesn't feel as if I take him for granted since I am always hopping back and forth between worlds. When I get back, I need to do something special for him. Still, it is remarkable how much he looks up to Inuyasha… and it's not as if he has seen that much of Inuyasha's good side._

In response to his remarks I lightly answer, "Fun? That obnoxious, self-absorbed, condescending baka? Whatever you say… But thank you for helping me out. It was very smart of you to plan ahead for me; I am very proud and thankful. I'll give Inuyasha your letter, so don't you worry about that. As to getting him to come and visit, I don't think I can control that." _I can't control Inuyasha at all; I can't even get him to choose either Kikyo or me once and for all, but then again I'm afraid of the answer… but no, I can't think about that now._

Souta simply giggles at me before turning to get ready for school. He shakes his head in a knowing gesture as he dashes away. "Bye, nee-chan, come back soon!" I nod and return to my room with all the stuff Souta gathered for me. Putting the collection on the floor, I lay back down on my bed to consider my thoughts from last night. _Maybe I was just stressed. Part of my mind reminds me that even apart of stress, there is probably a degree of truth in dreams. A degree of truth- how large of a degree am I talking about anyway_? I shake my head in frustration. _I need to know more before I can make a decision about him and now I have a job to do. That's something I can do to actually help my friends!_

Smiling at the positive thought and the renewal of purpose, I clap my hands together, stand up proudly and prepare to leave. My resolve keeps my mind in a trance-like state in which I go through the motions and think on one level without being distracted by other levels of thought. The focus creates a feeling of peace and comfort, which holds until I am brushing my hair for the last time before I grab my bag and run out the door.

A feeling of dread and danger creeps coldly into my heart, but I cannot understand what it could mean. _Should I put off going back? Is there a reason to stay here a little longer? No, I am just paranoid. I gave my word that I would be back this morning and it is almost afternoon. I don't want to break my word, nor do I want to make them worry about me. I must go back. After all, I am ready._ Nodding to accentuate my decision, I lift the yellow bag only to again struggle with its weight. _I can do this and I will. I think I can; I know I can…_

I successfully make it to the well. Looking down into it, I am almost knocked over by the strength of that same persistent dread. Uncertainly peering down into the well, I lose my balance and fall headfirst into the well and into the depths of time. Falling and falling through the time-space portal, I hit bottom softly. Looking upwards warily, I see nothing but the familiar vines and bright blue expanse of sky. I sigh in relief and scowl at the weight of the bag. _Where are guys when I could really use a hand?_

A hand reaches down and grabs the bag from my grasp. Gratefully, I pull myself halfway out of the well and turn to thank the kind person who helped me when I freeze in fear and surprise. _Life is just not fair- I wish I had stayed home just a little bit longer._ I keep thinking _there's no place like home_ and try to jump down, but the hand grabs mine and pulls me out of the well. Next my hands and legs are tied so I can't escape. Then I am knocked on the head only to think…. _I don't think I'm in Kansas_ _anymore._ My consciousness fades out and my body goes limp.

Another chapter written and posted- wow, I am excited. For those of you that prefer longer chapters, this one was certainly longer. Ok, I wanted to try a cliffhanger, but hey I am not always eloquent. sigh We'll find out who greets Kagome in the next chapter, so please come back and catch the next part. It should be interesting- at least I hope so.

I'd also like to do a shout out and arrigatou to the people who reviewed… yea! Happy, happy, joy, joy! throws confetti and dances about momentarily I get so encouraged. Normally I don't share my writing with people so this is slightly unusual for me. Ok sometimes my closest friends might hear about it or read it, but not always.

lilcherryblossom- Yeah I know what you mean about the chapters not coming up immediately. I added all three at once and it took some time for it to recognize the other two. shrug Go figure… computer systems are weird sometimes.

Cold Fire Phoenix- Thank you for your words of encouragement- they mean a lot to me, really. Ok that sounds cheesy. sweatdrops Yeah I know what you mean about love and pain. I am discovering that the capacity for love is connected the capacity for pain- it seems like a direct relationship and positive feedback loop to me. Anyway, I digress so… thank you again!


	4. Pt 4: The Return to Self?

_Author's notes: Hey minna- I'm back. I was working on this and I would've had it up the day after I last posted but everything got complicated here. My grandfather died. I had been spending a lot of time in the hospital with him. My 21st birthday was 11/17 but none of us really felt like celebrating. We had a little cake in the hospital, but he didn't know we were there in the room with him- or at least he had no idea what was going on. Oh well, I am dealing with it and right now using this as an escape. _

_BTW, I am making Kagome 18 instead of 15- I am just putting it slightly in the future from the anime. I mean, she should have aged a little bit since the series has been going on for a couple years now… but maybe the seasons don't correspond to years. Anyway, on to the story and by the way, please tell me if you have any ideas. I have a bunch but I am open to suggestions. Thanks for reading and reviewing!_

Silver Magiccraft- Thank you for your encouragement! You made my day!

_Previously in Impurity of Selfishness:_

A hand reaches down and grabs the bag from my grasp. Gratefully, I pull myself halfway out of the well and turn to thank the kind person who helped me when I freeze in fear and surprise. _Life is just not fair- I wish I had stayed home just a little bit longer._ I keep thinking _there's no place like home_ and try to jump down, but the hand grabs mine and pulls me out of the well. Next my hands and legs are tied so I can't escape. Then I am knocked on the head only to think…. _I don't think I'm in Kansas_ _anymore._ My consciousness fades out and my body goes limp.

**Pt 4: Return to self?**

"_Meg has it tough," Charles Wallace said. "She's not really one thing or the other."_

_- Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time_

"_I think your mythology would call them fallen angels. War and hate are their business, and their chief weapon is un-Naming—making people not know who they are. If someone knows who he is, really knows, then he doesn't need to hate. … When everyone is really and truly Named, then the Echthroi will be vanquished."_

_- Madeleine L'Engle, A Wind in the Door_

I swim upwards into the light of consciousness and realize I am not in my bed at home. Quickly opening my eyes and sitting up, I see the gang, minus Inuyasha, sitting around the fire in Kaede's hut. Everyone has slightly fearful looks on their faces. _They seem so hesitant to say anything. Can't they see that I'm alright? Did something happen to me?_

"Hey, minna! I'm so glad to see you all! Why does everyone look so serious? I was back on time, wasn't I? I told you I would be." I smile at them, but now they silently stare at me in unexpressed confusion.

Miroku is the only one who moves to speak. "Kagome-sama, we are glad that you are awake and that you seem to be feeling much better." He pauses and gives her a somewhat forced smile. With his usual grace, he stands up. "You must excuse us because we have somewhere we promised that we would be. We will come back and see you later." The others nod and follow the monk out the door. Kaede-baa-chan stays with me and comes to sit closer to me. Without speaking, she looks me straight in the eye.

"Kaede-baa-chan, what's going on? What's with the mass exodus?" I throw my hands up in the air in an act of frustration and she gives me a half-smile.

"Kagome, I am relieved that you are feeling better. We all are." She distinctly clears her throat before continuing. "When we found you, you were unconscious near the well with your bag by your side. You see, my dear, you had been a tad bit late and so the ever-impatient Inuyasha went to search for you. He brought you back here, but you remained in a coma, or some sort of extremely deep sleep. The next day, you woke up and you seemed to remember some things, but not everything." Kaede moves closer to me and puts her hand over my left hand. I sit up and pull the blanket around my shoulders. I nod in acquiescence before responding.

"I had amnesia, selective amnesia? I guess I must have hit my head on a rock in the well." She only looks at me grimly and slowly nods. _Is there more than that? What else could have happened?_

"This may sound like a rude and impertinent question, but I must know: How do you feel about Inuyasha?"

"Inuyasha? He comes to drag me back and forth between this age and my own." I look at her in surprise. "He's my friend. He is dense sometimes, but there's nothing going on between us. I already have a boyfriend back home." She sighs.

"Is he named Hojo?"

I break into hysterical giggles. "Of course not! I have no feelings for Hojo-kun! A few months ago, it seemed like he liked me, but I was not and am still not interested. Besides, I am in love with someone else." I stare off into space and revel in the wonderful feelings. A joyous smile lights my face, but Kaede continues the third degree.

"What is your boyfriend's name- this boy you love so much?" She looks at me and I laugh softly.

"I have talked about him a million times. Oh my love… his name is…" I pause and think. Chuckling, I look into the fire. "Oh you know him, but right now his name escapes me. Maybe I'm having a few side effects from that amnesia." After a few moments, I continue. "I could hardly believe it when he picked me out of all the girls that had been chasing after him. When we started out, we just knew that he's the one and I'm the one for him. Isn't it wonderful when everything just clicks? It is easy to be impatient to find the right person; I am so lucky that I no longer have to wait!" Bright stars shine in my eyes as I dreamily babble.

Kaede's face does not change in response to my effusiveness. She calls out to Shippo from where she is sitting. "Shippo, could you take Kagome for a walk please? I think it would do her a world of good." Shippo bounds in through the door and looks at the old miko. Kaede beckons to him and tells him that I am feeling much better. He nods enthusiastically and shrieks with glee as he leads me out the door. I'm glad to be leaving the hot seat, so I wave and allow him to pull me out the door. A few seconds later, the little kitsune cub jumps to my shoulder and points me to move towards the forest. I give him a bright smile and he blushes.

"What is it, Kagome?" He looks embarrassed.

"I was just thinking how much I missed you and how cute you are!"

"Really?" He grins. "I missed you too. It's been unbearable without you!" He rushes into my arms for a hug and I gladly give him a light squeeze in return. Then he crawls on my head to navigate. "Let's go this way, Kagome. I saw some interesting tracks there earlier. Besides, nothing has happened in the village." I smile and follow his directions without complaint.

The late-afternoon sun breaks through the trees and I walk on, chatting gaily with my little, adoring friend. He does remind me of Souta sometimes. I wish they could meet, but sadly my two worlds do not mix. Eventually I must return home; that is where I belong- with my family and my boyfriend. The friends I have made here mean so much to me, but it is almost, but not quite, enough. I have obligations to fill here and that's all. Love waits for me in my own time and that is what I want to follow.

On the other side of the village, Miroku and Sango stare at the sight before them. None of them has any words or comments that they can verbalize. Miroku shakes his head and bravely cuts the silence with a knife. "I do not understand what this means. As for the note, we should let Inuyasha read it first. It's to him after all. But why would she do this and what does it mean?" Then, his voice fades out in confusion. Sango does not speak but just continues to stare.

Ok, that's all for chapter four! You must be wondering- where is Inuyasha? Don't worried- he'll be appearing soon. I have pretty much decided the rest of the basic plot, unless I decide to use any suggestions I get. I hope you guys like this chapter(and this fic) because not many people have been reviewing. Of course, being someone who initially only read and didn't always review helps me to understand and be patient. Besides this story isn't exactly comic- although I'd like to believe that it'll make people think. Comic stories tend to get more reviews- either that or I should give up? No matter- I am having fun. Since I know where I am going, this should move along pretty nicely even with family crises. Oh well keep an eye out for chapter 5(tentatively titled, "Return to innocence or experience?")! Leave a review _please_ if you want and check out my other story. Thanks!


	5. Pt 5: Return to Innocence?

Hey y'all- I'm back. I can feel your hearts rejoicing. Ok maybe not… Anyway here's part 5- I was going to call it Return to Innocence or Experience but I am cutting it in two parts because otherwise this would've been a seriously, seriously long chapter- I was having trouble figuring out where to end it and that was one of the reasons it took me so long to update.

Also, here's a shout out to Amy, Angelstars, pogo and mesmer- thank you _sooo_ much for your input and precious words of encouragement! I can't tell you how much it pleases me to get positive feedback. Perhaps that makes me strange, but this is still kinda new to me… on second thought, I don't think I'll ever lose that thrill.

I know this chapter is a little shorter than I'd have liked- I'll prolly add just a little bit later. I'm also expecting to put up the next chapter tomorrow or the next day because I have it mapped out and filled in somewhat. I also added a poem I wrote last year to Ch 3/ Pt. 2- so check it out if you'd like! Anyway, without further adieu, let the spotlight return the story itself!

_Previously in Impurity of Selfishness:_

On the other side of the village, Miroku and Sango stare at the sight before them. None of them has any words or comments that they can verbalize. Miroku shakes his head and bravely cuts the silence with a knife. "I do not understand what this means. As for the note, we should let Inuyasha read it first. It's to him after all. But why would she do this and what does it mean?" Then, his voice fades out in confusion. Sango does not speak but just continues to stare.

**Pt 5: Return to Innocence?**

"Love – Devotion / Feeling – Emotion / Don't be afraid to be weak / Don't be too proud to be strong / Just look into your heart my friend / That will be the return to yourself / The return to innocence. / If you want, then start to laugh / If you must, then start to cry / Be yourself don't hide / Just believe in destiny. / Don't care what people say / Just follow your own way / Don't give up and use the chance / To return to innocence. / That's not the beginning of the end / That's the return to yourself / The return to innocence."

- Enigma, _The_ _Return to Innocence_

No wind rustles the leaves; everything is still and quiet. Even the normal sounds of the villagers working seem muffled by the heavy atmosphere. Miroku and Sango study a 5 foot long Shinidamachuu hovering intently near a warded dwelling. The youkai has been trying to gain an entrance into the building without success. Slowly, the youkai notices their approach and blinks in their direction. Miroku looks at the tail of the Shinidamachuu and sees a letter.

"It seems as if Kikyo has written a letter to Inuyasha. I just hope that he can read it." He pauses to smile ironically, but Sango neither laughs nor responds. After a moment, he continues. "Why didn't she just come and see him? Is this a trick? This does not make sense to me." He walks forward and accepts the letter. After bowing its head, the Shinidamachuu glides away without a backward glance. Slowly, Miroku sighs. His female companion looks on without comment or emotional response. Kirara sweetly jumps onto Sango's shoulder and Sango breaks out of her trance and smiles at her little friend. Miroku smiles at them, but then turns his attention back to the task at hand.

"Let us get Kaede to open the wards. As much as I want to know the contents of this letter, it's not our place."

Sango looks at him and begins to smile. "He will probably spill the beans; he is not very good at keeping his feelings in most of the time."

"I hope that you're right, Sango."

Stealthily, Miroku, Sango and Kirara enter the little hut where Kaede had sealed Inuyasha. Softly, they close the door and sit down. Kirara walks uncertainly towards Inuyasha but then returns to her place beside Sango. In the corner, the hanyou sleeps somewhat peacefully. A bit of drool makes its way down his face as he snores. The three conscious comrades giggle despite the situation for a moment. Miroku gently nudges the sleeping hanyou. "Inuyasha? Wake up, please."

Inuyasha's eyes burst open and he glares at the monk. "Hey Miroku- what do _you_ want?"

Totally nonplussed by Inuyasha's rude, but not unusual, outburst, Miroku blinks and smiles. "I am glad that you are feeling so much like yourself. Listen, calm yourself. I apologize that you must remain in here. By the way, how are you feeling? Since you must be starving, we brought you some dinner." Without another word, the hanyou grabs the meal and begins scarfing it down. "We also brought you a letter... that is, if you can read." Miroku slightly smirks.

With his mouth still mostly full, Inuyasha narrows his eyes and responds. "A letter? That's ridiculous, Miroku. Who's it from anyway, Kikyo? Keh."

The others sweatdrop and continue to watch. The monk nods slightly as he continues. "Actually, it is indeed."

Inuyasha snaps to attention and puts down his food. "Well hand it over, asshole; why didn't you just say so in the first place?" Slowly, Miroku pulls the letter out and holds it out. After rudely snatching the piece of parchment, Inuyasha quickly reads it and then refolds it with a shrug and puts it inside his haori before finishing his meal. Miroku gives him a confused look and studies his usually spastic friend.

Inuyasha begins to eat and grumbles through his food, "Why didn't you bring me more food? Besides, you know how much I hate stuff like this."

Sango shakes her head and throws back in a frustrated tone, "I'm sorry that the cuisine does not meet with your approval, sir. I wish that your table manners met with my approval. You'd think the son of a taiyoukai would have better manners." Miroku begins to laugh, but tries to pass it off as a hacking cough when he sees Inuyasha's face.

Inuyasha stops eating for a moment and glares at Sango. "How dare you talk to me that way! Who are you to talk to me about manners when you have me locked in here? I bet you even read the letter before giving it to me!"

Sango narrows her eyes and sighs. "You do have terrible table manners, Inuyasha. It makes it hard to eat around you sometimes. Still, we would never read that letter without your permission. We were kind enough not to read it out of courtesy but you can imagine we are extremely curious to know what she said! It's not everyday a youkai drops off a letter."

Inuyasha's face twists in fury. Coldly he says, "It's none of your damned business what she said! You dare to speak to me about courtesy!" He turns his anger towards the monk. "Just be _courteous_ and let me out of here right now- I'm fine!" Suddenly, a very drowsy Inuyasha growls at his friends as he begins to fall asleep again. Sango tries to hold back a fit of giggles.

Miroku smiles and looks at him with marginal pity. "You won't hurt yourself in here and you need your rest." He grins. "We are lucky that Kaede-sama's sleeping potion works. Get some sleep- after all, you do not really have a choice. We will return again soon. Dream well, Inuyasha." Inuyasha scowls as his eyes close and sleep overtakes him.

Just as the last few golden rays of sunlight disappear, Shippo and I return to the village. I can see the little houses basking in the light of the sunset. Near Kaede's house, Miroku, Sango and Kirara are eating around a medium-sized campfire. Eagerly, I rush forward. As one of my shoes breaks a small twig, they turn to look towards me. They toss a hesitant wave in my direction. I bite my lip gently. _They still look rather serious and apprehensive._

Miroku, the appointed spokesman, is the first to welcome me when I walk into range. _Of course, he's always the polite gentleman- well, he is unless he's showing his perverted nature, that is. _I turn my full attention back to the group and feel more warmth from their greetings. I smile and say hi. Meanwhile, a little orange blur leaps off my shoulder and heads straight for the food. Sango laughs lightly and catches my eye. Relaxing even more, I giggle with her. She walks over to Shippo and fends him off for a moment while she fills a bowl for me. After a moment, she pulls away and the little kitsune practically dives into the remaining food. Sango walks gracefully and purposefully towards me with the bowl and a couple of chopsticks. She sits down next to me and hands me the bowl and utensils while giving me a gracious, welcoming smile.

"Here you go, Kagome-chan. You must be ravenous after keeping up with Shippo out in the forest."

I grin in response. "Yeah that's about right. He certainly has a large store of energy; there are many days when I wish I could borrow some. Thanks for saving me some dinner."

She cocks her head to one side with a smile. "It's no problem- my pleasure. I am just glad you are feeling better. We were really worried about you." Suddenly she stiffens and then tries to pretend that she hadn't. She throws me a half-smile as she gets up and returns to her seat to finish her meal. We eat in companionable silence and I fight to keep my curiosity in check. _I want to know what I did! No, asking them would make them more uncomfortable. I must trust them; they will tell me eventually. I must be patient, because now is not the time to have that conversation._

The silence is broken by Shippo's contented sigh. He turns toward us and leans back against a tree stump. His blue eyes twinkle as he surveys the scene. With an innocent lack of tact, he begins. "Man, that was great. It's so much more fun to have everyone back together- well almost everyone. I don't really miss watching Inuyasha messily feed himself or take the food that I wanted to eat. Hmph!" Thoughtfully, he looks at me. "I do miss seeing you and Inuyasha fight, Kagome. It's so entertaining to see how dense he can be after all. Maybe he'll eventually admit what we all know to be true. For an adult, he sure acts like a child a lot. It's amazing that you put up with him." He nods and smiles in my direction. Miroku and Sango look at each other and sweatdrop before glaring at Shippo for his outburst.

Puzzled, I look at them. _Wait a second- I haven't seen Inuyasha since I got back. It was weird that Kaede-baa-chan seemed to expect me to be in love with Inuyasha- what a ridiculous idea! _"Hey guys- where is Inuyasha anyway? I haven't seen him in a while. He should be eating with us right now; he's always hungry. Is he sick or something?" I turn to my friends questioningly as they grab Shippo.

Sango puts her hand over Shippo's mouth and gives me a nervous smile. "Of course you're wondering about him, Kagome-chan. It was silly of us to forget to tell you that… well… he's on a trip- something to do with his family I think he said."

Miroku takes over the explanation from that point on. "Do not worry about him, Kagome-sama. He is fine and will return to us soon. I know you miss him desperately," he winks at me, "but try not to let your mind dwell on him too much. We all know how impatient he must be on the inside to come and be back by your side." He gives me an enigmatic smile.

_They believe the same as Kaede-baa-chan! I don't get it- are they sure I'm the only one with selective amnesia? As Inuyasha would say, keh!_ "You guys are so messed up! You have the audacity to think that I am the only one with major memory lapses? Kaede-baa-chan also had some strange idea that I am in love with Inuyasha, which is totally insane! I have my own love that I miss back home. Why on Earth would I fall in love with someone else- especially Inuyasha- and why would I cheat on such a wonderful guy?" I roll my eyes and take a sip of water. They all look at each other with surprise as they take in this information. I shake my head. _Sheesh, maybe they are as dense as Inuyasha._

Shippo quickly says goodnight to us and then bounds off to go to sleep. In front of us, the fire continues to crackle and shed its light and warmth upon all of us_. I wish someone would say something in response. I didn't mean to be so sharp with them; they probably had no idea, for whatever reason._ Sango looks at me gently. "I'm sorry, Kagome-chan. We meant no disrespect towards you. Maybe you are right- maybe we are also having memory lapses. I know that we had no idea about this perfect love of yours. I do not know how we could possibly have forgotten someone that is obviously so important to you." She wets her lips before continuing. "Well, how is this love of yours so, well um, perfect?" She looks at me expectantly. _Sheesh, I don't believe this! As if she can talk considering her amount of experience with such relationships! Kagome, that was a mean thought. Sango has been through so much and all she wants to do is help. Still, how do they expect me to explain this?_ I scowl lightly and sigh. Then I take a deep breath to respond.

**A/N**- _Like I said, next chapter should be up tomorrow or the next day. I have some cool stuff planned- another one of Kagome's dreams and maybe some of Inuyasha's thoughts- and one of his dreams. I haven't decided whether to put the Inuyasha stuff in the coming chapter or the one after that- it depends, so we shall see. Please review with comments if you'd like- I'll adore you forever!_


	6. Pt 6: Return to Experience?

Ok, I'm back yet again. Sorry I was wrong about the update time. I really meant to update sooner but I got sick- I know yet again. I got bronchitis and then as I was almost over that, I got the nasty stomach flu that was going around. I know- I just feel so incredibly susceptible to disease right now. I had a lovely issue with my good _friend_ and so I'll have great stuff to work into this. I have been working on an epilogue actually for this story but tonight I got inspired to finish what I had started of this chapter. I'll prolly edit it just a tad bit but at least it's up. I'm going to Hawaii on Thursday for 12 days and I can't bring my computer due to airport security hassles… eww… yeah I know… so I won't be able to update at all, but I will be working on the story nonetheless.

cherrymecha, Angelstars and Classic Cowboy: Thanks for reviewing, you guys! Yeaa! I love you forever! I told you I would now didn't I? - Yeah I know what you mean about Kagome acting kinda weird, but it'll all continue to become more and more clear and I have a twist planned on it too. I will also try and put it in Kikyo's letter in the next chapter, when we're gonna hear some of Inuyasha's thoughts. grin 

On to the story then…

**Pt 6: Return to Experience?**

"Love seeketh not Itself to please/ Nor for itself hath any care; / But for another gives its ease/ And builds a Heaven in Hells despair. / So sang a little Clod of Clay/ Trodden with the cattles feet; / But a Pebble of the brook/ Warbled out these metres meet. / Love seeketh only Self to please/ To bind another to Its delight/ Joys in anothers loss of ease/ And builds a Hell in Heavens despite."

- William Blake, _The_ _Clod & the Pebble_ from the Songs of Innocence and Experience

"Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point."

- Pascal _The heart has its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing._

_It's amazing to me how much we want to believe in the power of time. Time, in itself, changes nothing; however, life changes through other mechanisms over periods of time. Love does not die simply because of time as a concept; the feelings go on and on. If the people feeling love change or change how they see or love the other, then the situation changes. In my innocence I thought that time changes circumstances but through horrible, but precious experience I know that to be false. Yet we are still mixtures of innocence and experience. After all, do we define innocence as lack of experience or lack of common sense/knowledge? No, innocence is not the lack of, but is simply possessing the capacity for knowledge. Innocence isn't a form of ignorance because experience doesn't always make us act more wisely- instead through experience we are more aware of the circumstances of our choices. Carpe diem- seize the day and make the most of the precious time and love you possess!_

Sango and I sit around the last glowing embers of the campfire. A few feet away, Miroku tries to listen unobtrusively to our conversation about love, but we barely notice him. I sigh in frustration and resign myself to this now-unavoidable discussion. She moves closer to me and leans forward to look deeply into my eyes.

"Well, you want to know about my love; that's logical. I have told you so many times but I guess that makes no difference now." I sigh and then smile ironically. _Why is it so hard for me to respond to such a simple question? I used to say that nothing is ever easy, especially love. _I mentally bash myself to include Sango in my thoughts. "Well, Sango-chan, I admit that I had hoped you remembered more. When I was talking with Kaede-baa-chan earlier, she also seemed to think I was in love with Inuyasha. Sadly, we also discovered that my memory has lapsed with regards to my boyfriend as well. I can't even remember his name!" Embarrassed by this confession, I turn bright red. I take a breath to continue. "My past with him seems rather fuzzy, but I am sure that it'll all come back to me soon." I sigh and shake my head hopefully.

She studies me gently. "Kagome-chan, I'm sorry that you're having trouble remembering your boyfriend. That must be incredibly frustrating for you. Still," She stops to twist a bit of hair around her forefinger, "what do you remember about him?"

After a moment of confusion, I managed to sort out some of the details. "Well, I remember that he transferred into my school a couple of years ago. He's a year ahead of me and so he was not in any of my classes. When he first arrived, all the girls practically swooned at his feet, but he never showed any interest in any of them. I know for a fact that all my friends had major crushes on him, but I never thought all that much about him at first. Certainly, I agreed that he was attractive, but I did not know him.

"I did not meet him until I literally ran into him on my way to class the next year, about a month before my 15th birthday. I remember it as if it happened only yesterday… As I walked down the hallway, I felt my arm bump into someone else. Instantly, various papers flew everywhere and I almost fell to the ground. His arm reached out and steadied me. At that moment, we looked into each other's eyes and time seemed to stop. His light touch on my arm felt so normal, and yet so different. As the last of the papers floated to the ground, the realization hit us, but we did not need to say anything. We simply smiled and held hands for a moment before going off to class." I could feel my eyes sparkle as I become more and more flighty.

Sango nods and half-smiles. "Wow, that's an amazing story. You two were together from that point on?"

I acquiesce. "We are practically inseparable when I am home. He is so jealous that he can't come with me to protect me- in fact, he jumped into the well with me once, but it didn't work. Oh well." I shrug with a laugh.

She quietly giggles and gives me a small smile. "It sounds like your memory is coming back." I blink and consider. _Yes, she's right. I am remembering some details. It's amazing that I could have forgotten any of this. Before I remembered, I felt so insecure and hesitant. I unconsciously assumed it was just me, but now I realize it was the amnesia. Still, this is so weird; everything feels like a dream. Well, the whole idea of transporting back and forth between worlds, looking for pieces of a jewel and fighting youkai is surreal. This begs the question: what is real- maybe that doesn't matter. If I perceive it to be, it must be correct by my frame of reference._ I shake myself back into reality.

I smile at the young demon hunter. "I do remember more and I feel somewhat better- thanks for listening to me." _Even as I feel better, I feel slightly disturbed, as if something is wrong. I hope everyone's alright._ I search for Shippo and Miroku only to discover that they both are fast asleep. _It looks like Miroku finally gave up on our conversation. Everything seems to be in order._ My thoughts are silenced by an involuntary yawn. Sango only nods to me and bids me goodnight. I smile and give her a quick hug.

"I think that's our cue to go to bed and get some sleep, Sango-chan." She nods and we both stand up and get ready for bed.

Quietly she responds, "I agree, Kagome-chan. I'll see you in the morning." Under a cloudless sky, we all sleep in the spring air.

Under the cool breath of night, Kaede sleeps in her hut. She lies down beside the dying, orange embers of her fire and in the distance, the breeze frolics almost magically. Her usually restful sleep is interrupted by a strange dream, but not just any dream, perhaps a warning or a premonition…

The spring cherry blossoms fall softly and Kikyo runs towards Kaede, who is young yet again. Kaede runs with her older sister through the fields as they used to fifty years ago; the scene is peaceful. In a nearby tree, she can barely make out the half-hidden shadow of a hanyou, Inuyasha. Since she is with her sister, Kaede does not fear the unpredictable half-youkai who hunts the Shikon no Tama, but instead senses her sister's great pity and compassion for the creature. The miko and miko-in-training look up and wave in a gesture of acknowledgement to receive a "keh". Without another word or gesture, he leaps away to another tree. Kikyo and Kaede shrug and continue their business- to search for medicinal herbs to replenish their stores. After a little while, Inuyasha returns, but none of them bothers to comment; each knows but no one has any words to say. Kaede blinks at her older sister, who begins to stare off into space thoughtfully. Looking down at her sandals and then at her full basket, Kaede opens her mouth to speak.

"Kikyo-onee-sama, my basket is full; I'm going back to the village now to have some lunch, is that alright with you?" Kikyo slightly smiles and nods without comment. The little sister turns quickly and runs back towards home, the only home she has ever known.

As she leaves, Kikyo calls to Inuyasha to come down and share a little bit of lunch with her. Up in the tree with an obnoxious air, he does not bother to respond. Kikyo shrugs and sits down to eat at the base of his tree. Every once in a while, he glances down to watch her slowly take a bite and then delicately chew and swallow it. Quickly, he takes a deep breath and jumps down beside her, so close that they are almost touching. The look in her eyes is almost one of surprise, but a look that certainly warms the air around her. He looks into her eyes, transfixed by her beauty and gentle spirit. After a lengthy moment, they both look away and he sits down a foot away from her. Kikyo giggles quietly at Inuyasha's stubborn antics.

The scene wavers but seems to remain the same. The hanyou and dark-haired miko still sit side by side under a tree, but this time a single, golden thread, which neither of them can see, connects their souls. In the deafening silence, their hearts are beating in time- pounding in and out together as their lives are intertwined. The Shikon no Tama glows black-red and then a purity-arrow shatters both of their hearts and freezes their souls in time.

Beside the tree, the right lateral half of Kikyo now stands with her left side lost in blackest shadow. In her right bloody hand, the Shikon no Tama disappears into a cloud of red smoke. After the jewel's power completely wanes, the half-Kikyo descends into hell, with a gruesome half-smile of triumph on her face. She obliterated both Inuyasha, her once love, and her true self. Then the shock wave of dark energy bursts outward and destroys everything in close proximity to the scene. Kaede feels as if she is drowning in darkness, swallowing it and breathing it in, never to awaken again….

Kaede wakes up in a sweat and sits up to catch her breath. She shakes involuntarily from the intense nature of the dream. _This is not a foe they can fight with violence. Fight on, Kagome-chan- you are Kagome and we love you! Please come back to us!_

Outside in the cool air, I am sleeping in my sleeping bag around the dying fire. I know my comrades are sleeping nearby and so I feel safe enough to nod off into dreamland. _After all, why should I fear my dreams, which can only bring me back into the arms of my love? _With a dreamy and contented grin on my face, I cuddle into my pillow and quickly fall asleep.

I am at school and I can see my boyfriend holding his arms out to me. We are the only ones in the halls; everyone else is in class. _Classes, what classes- this is my dream, after all! I don't need to go to class because I have perfect grades! What kind of sick person would I be to dream that I had to study? Ugh! No time for that type of thinking now, Kagome-chan, he's here! _My heart bursts with gladness at seeing his face. His smile is so precious to me; my face flushes. I reach out my arms to him and yell exuberantly, "I love you, my darling!"

But then suddenly, Inuyasha is standing right beside him. I slow down immediately and stop in my tracks, a few steps from the two males. They both smile to me and reach out to pull me into their embrace. I look from one to the other uncertainly and bite my lip in silent confusion. As I look into their eyes, I can feel their overwhelming happiness at seeing me- simply from being in my presence. _But why Inuyasha?_ _Why are they both here? _Less enthusiastically, I throw myself into my love's arms. I turn to yell "Osuwari" but then find that my love has disappeared into a thick mist just as I hear both of their voices echo in the distance… "Kikyo"...

I am now standing upon a platform with an arrow pointed at Inuyasha. He looks at me with hate and mocking. With only feelings of reciprocation, I shoot an arrow into his heart to seal him forever. After a moment, the spell is broken and I run to the tree and throw myself upon his unconscious body. I find myself covered in our blood. I gasp in sudden realization. _I shot Inuyasha; how could I have done this to my friend? Why did I have to come back here and learn this?_ Everyone runs towards me and calls to me, "Kikyo, Kikyo-sama, Kikyo-onee-sama"….

After a few minutes of these painful echoes, my mind partially clears and I can see myself looking into a bloody mirror, no a bloody river, where our blood flows- Kikyo's, Inuyasha's and mine- and in the sluggish but moving current, I see myself looking at Kikyo and her glaring back at me.

"You are me; you are only me, what is your name, supposedly? No, you are my substitute, my reincarnation. I am Kikyo and you are me; I am you. Submit to your true nature; this is all you can ever be. Stop fighting me; stop fighting your true self. It is different on the other side. I can show you truth, your true self, our self. You can again be powerful and important; I can awaken the amazing potential that you have inside of you- that magic that is in our soul. All you must do is to submit to me, just give in…" I hear her voice coaxing me. I shake my head to refute these ideas and scream soundlessly.

The scene shifts again and I am wearing white and standing beside Inuyasha. We are getting married; my two worlds are one. _Why am I marrying Inuyasha? Wait, that doesn't matter_… Suddenly my dress is red, dripping with fresh blood. Between Inuyasha and I, Kikyo appears and holds his eyes with her own. He stares at her; her clingy, short dress is completely black with black sequins. His tuxedo and his eyes turn red and he takes her tenderly, but passionately in his arms and puts his lips to hers without a single word. As they kiss, the glowing red Shikon no Tama appears to light the way as the hanyou and his dead lover descend into hell together. My shock goes beyond words; the torture feels too horrible to be true. My heart shatters without possible repair.

The scene disappears into darkness and I find myself alone. I turn around in desperate circles, hoping that I will find someone. As I get dizzier, surreal images seem to dance in the distance. A primeval drum beat starts softly and slowly, but resonates throughout my mind and body. Though I cover my ears and try to shut out the sound, I cannot keep the feelings out. A relaxation that I have never known comes over my limbs and I begin to sway to the beat. The darkness seems to dance with me, pulling me and twirling me through the space. Moments later, nausea overcomes my senses at my loss of control. As I begin to fight once more, the darkness stabs my exposed skin and violently throws my body to the beat. Shadowy images call to me, "Kagome, give in." I refuse and continue to fight. The macabre dance continues as my vertigo continues. More voices call to me in unison, "Kikyo, Kagome, Kikyo, Kagome-sama, Kikyo-sama… you are me. I am you. Come with me, Kikyo… it is more beautiful on the other side, Kikyo…" At the last moment, I scream as loud as I possibly can and shake the commanding beat and voices.

"No! Shut up! I am Kagome! Ka-go-me, not Kikyo! I am more than a replica; I am more than your reflection! I have my own feelings, my own soul, my own heart, my own love and my own life!"

I awake in a sweat, but find that the others are all still fast asleep. The dream is still vividly painful and yet completely unclear. _All I can remember is that I was screaming my own name as loud as I possibly could… Now that the nightmare is over, I want to see Inuyasha. I somehow feel that he can make me feel better or that I miss him… I wish he was back from wherever he went; he always knows how to make me feel better and how to make me laugh. A mission having to do with his family? That sounds strange to me, maybe I should ask Kaede-baa-chan about it. Oh I can smell her cooking breakfast even this early in the morning- how wonderful a good meal would be right about now_… and I totally forget about my dream.

_A/N- Another chapter finished and posted- praise the Lord! Ok please, please, please review, you guys. I also have a little question: what should Kagome's love's name be? He is not Inuyasha but is just a small OC that I am putting in and I didn't know what the name should be because I don't know that many Japanese names and I'm afraid anything I choose might come across as extremely fake or weird, since it'd be from another anime and that just has all kinds of issues connected with it. Anyway, more to come- Inuyasha's thoughts, a dream, the contents of the letter so please stay tuned! Thanks minna! _


	7. Pt 7: Weapon of Nothingness

Aloha minna! I'm back from Maui, Hawaii. It was great. My parents drove me a little nuts but it was still an incredible trip. I am thinking about doing a one-shot humor fic about the gang attending a lu'au- it might be interesting fluff. Ok now I must apologize for not updating before I left for Hawaii- I got caught up packing. Still, it's not as if y'all really care that much about whether I am completely accurate in those predictions anyway. shrug Let's see- I changed feh to keh- I know both are used and I wasn't sure but I like the sound of keh better when I say it so I switched them all.

Angelstars and Classic Cowboy- Thanks again for reviewing! It means sooo much to me. It's nice to know that the story is going over decently well, after all. Angelstars, thank you for the idea of Kisho- I think that would be absolutely perfect. Also, about that part with Kikyo- wait til you see the epilogue I am working on. You see I have written the ending and some of the epilogue, which is a monologue by Kikyo- and maybe one each by Kagome and IY. Kikyo's is turning out really well. I am not a big Kikyo fan myself, but I wanted the monologue to tie up a few loose ends in the story. It's the inbetween I haven't written and now I get to decide how quickly things should happen, etc, so that should prove to be interesting. Anyway enough random chatter… on with the story!

**Pt. 7:Weapon of Nothingness**

"The nothingness could not be destroyed; it had to be filled with love. And Auryn is only a mirror of what is inside you." The Child-like Princess from The Neverending Story II(half-paraphrased)

"Turn around, look at what you see. In her face, the mirror of your dreams. Make believe I'm everywhere, living in your eyes. Written on the pages is the answer to our neverending story. Reach the stars, fly a fantasy. Dream a dream, and what you see will be. Friends that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds. And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story. Show no fear, for she may fade away. In your hand, the birth of a new day. Friends that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds. And there upon the rainbow is the answer to our neverending story." The Neverending Story, sung by Limahl

In the stillness of night, a lonely hanyou sleeps fitfully since he had been drugged by Kaede. Her sleeping potion packs quite a powerful punch, yet due to the fact that Inuyasha is half-youkai, the effects do not last too long. Although he is usually tired enough to rest well, this night has been unusual. His sleep was filled with pictures, the kind that are so strange that you just know that no matter how hard you try, you'll immediately forget them when you awaken and only the ghostly feelings they created will remain.

Inuyasha's sleepiness begins to wane and therefore he is rolling from side to side while whimpering softly. Then, like a blinding crash of thunder, he wakes yelling, "No, K-." His voice cracks and the thought moves back into the recesses of his mind, lost forever. Wide-eyed, he looks around and tries to figure out what happened. Seeing that no one is watching, he half-relaxes and shrugs. He twitches his sensitive ears to listen for any random outside activity. He hears only the hoot of an owl and the smaller animals disturbing the underbrush. He pouts and exasperatedly mutters his signature keh.

"Kaede-babaa, why couldn't you at least knock me out enough so I could sleep all night? You really enjoy torturing me, doncha, you old hag! Keh, at least during the day there are interesting sounds to entertain me." _And it is the world's job to entertain you, Inuyasha? Is that because you lack the capacity to keep your head full of intriguing thoughts_, a voice in his head taunts.

"No, it is not, so shut up! I can think very well for myself… but if I think too much…" _then the lonely confusion comes in, especially when I try not to feel at all._ "Ahh sweet nothingness, how precious the thought!" _But if nothingness is something to think about, then is it truly nothing?_ "Shut up! I go beyond such paradoxes! I live in them; I, within myself, am a paradox- both hanyou and human. When I am a true youkai, I will not have to deal with stupid feelings. But even so, if I say nothingness, then damn, I mean it_!" There is great escape and pleasure in feeling nothing, isn't there? Don't you feel special or are you simply deluding yourself?_ "Stop interrupting me, bastard- stop arguing technicalities to me because that's a bitchy way of thinking!" Silence comes from the back of his mind.

"Ha! I won- I may think in peace!" The voice in his head softly laughs with him and so he narrows his eyes and makes a point to ignore this new development. He represses the urge to destroy as he puts his mind into gear. "Keh, what was I thinking about, anyway?" Then he looks down at his hand- within his claw he can see the mysterious letter. Outwardly, he seems to examine it impassively, but internally, his struggle rages, hot and molten just below the surface like an active volcano. He pulls himself up to sit against the wall. His memory drifts to his friends- then the magma boils still hotter.

"They are so incredibly nosey! What she said is my business, not theirs, not at all!" The voice comes in again and he sighs. _But Inuyasha, it is their business- they are your friends and they care about you- they keep your secret and protect you. Besides, Kikyo hangs around and her actions do have an effect on them._ He does not respond to this onslaught but turns the letter over in his claw a few times before carefully unwrapping it and holding it up to the light. The clear, but beautiful penmanship greets his eye.

Dear Inuyasha,

I had a waking dream- well it was actually a memory, one of our memories. Do you remember the times that we used to sit in the field together? I would eat a little lunch and offer some to you, that you characteristically refused. The old days- before Naraku came between us- I remember so much and yet still so little. So much has changed since those times. I died and then came back to this world. Yes, now I have returned, but I am still less than a ghost of the woman that I used to be. Sometimes I wish I could just go back and not be involved in the world of the living, but then I remember my mission and the feelings all combine to rage within my cold breast. Those feelings are not much, but they are enough to keep me in this state of living, if I want to define it as such… I am not sure how to define it.

You know what Inuyasha? You are different now- do you even recognize the changes in yourself? You were so cold, distant and distrusting, yet now you have good friends. They know your secrets and help you, despite the fact that you drive them crazy sometimes. You protect them and care about what happens to them. The Inuyasha I used to know could not do that. Look at what time and death have done to us… Still, even back then, I knew that you'd protect me if I was in danger. Now I wonder- was I simply foolish to trust you? After all, we both took a leap of faith out of love, but were we prepared? Our lack of foundation is what Naraku played upon, causing our respective downfalls- my death and your seal. Neither of us had a great capacity to trust from the beginning; we doubted each other a good bit. Does that make what happened partially our fault?

I do not know you very well now, if I ever did. That girl- you trust her. There is both tragedy and consolation in the fact that she is my reincarnation from another time. Yes I worked out the mystery of her origin; I'm not an idiot after all. You know that she does not belong here in the first place- so does she. That girl- Kagome, was it- belongs with her family and you, Inuyasha, belong to me. You willingly offered me your life in return for mine. Out of love, I agreed and so, we are one. We are what was, what is and what will be again. No matter what happens, I ask you to trust me as neither of us could do fifty years ago. Remember this: I love you.

Yours forever, Kikyo

Inuyasha remains silent for a moment and stares off into space, the continuum of his memories. Without realizing it, he folds the message and hides it in his clothes. There are times when words fail to come, no matter how many thoughts or feelings touch the upper consciousness- and within his torn heart, Inuyasha felt paralyzed, or hypnotized. Slowly he shakes his head, allowing his silvery mane to sway with his movements.

Then as he stares up at the ceiling, he mutters Kikyo's name. The richness of his voice wraps around itself around the word as the warmth of his hanyou body heats up his vocal cords with the vibration to caress her name. Had Kikyo heard his call, her spine would have tingled even in her state of pseudo-vitality. He takes a deep breath and sighs.

"Oh Kikyo, I just don't know. What am I supposed to say to that anyway? Do you expect me to know more than you do or something crazy like that? Of course I remember the old days, as you call them, but what does that have to do with anything? I know what I need to know- I need to kill Naraku with my own hands to avenge the wrong done to you, to us. I will always protect you, no matter what happens. I love you and nothing can change that." He stops to sigh. "Was I young and foolish back then- maybe so, but if so, am I repeating the same mistakes over again? Miroku and the others know about the new moon and they protect me, but could someone play upon the weaknesses in our friendship and have us destroy each other, or are we stronger than that? Keh, this is why I should never have gotten involved with anyone at all, but where would I be if I had- what kind of life would I be leading?"

"Ah, keh, that's in the past and so it doesn't matter what I chose because I am here now. But why did Kikyo ask me to trust her? We have to destroy Naraku before anything else could happen. Am I really going to hell with her? I almost did that one time and in that moment, I was in some kind of trance and I felt no fear, which felt wonderful in a way." He shivers for a moment, both out of pleasure and pain. "Then I heard Kagome scream and the spell was… wait, Kagome. Yes, Kagome from the future, the girl who along with her family always has the urge to pull my ears- do I really trust her? I feel comfortable around her and there are times when I just act strangely because of her. She's Kikyo's reincarnation and my first real friend, although it started off rather odd… especially after Kaede-babaa put these damned beads around my neck!" He picks up the prayer beads lightly and examines them with a scowl. "That damned wench and her osuwari! Grrr…."

"But she pulled the Tetsusaiga out of its place in father's tomb… and I know in my heart that she is special. I want her to be safe and happy; it amazes me that she stays around here as much as she does." _She cares about you Inuyasha and likes to be around you- remember when she said that there was something that she shared with Kikyo- that she wanted to see you again? Yes, she loves you, although she'll never admit it because it would hurt her too much. You are so dense, Inuyasha… and then you go nuts when anything is related to Kikyo. You just can't make up your mind and you really think that you treat them well._ "Shut up- none of that could be true; I don't care about who Kagome loves and I made up my mind to go with Kikyo- I promised her after all. Kagome doesn't belong here just as Kikyo said; that girl belongs in her own time with her family." _But you love her… you act strangely around her; remember what happened this week? You weak jerk, you've been trying to keep it out of your head! _"Why'd you have to bring that up?"

"I don't want to think about that, but my mind just keeps reliving it. How could I not considering?" He looks down at his wounds. "How could she do that to me? She must have hit her head really hard…or something, I hope. Here I was- I had saved her by bringing her to Kaede-babaa to be treated for whatever happened to her and she just wakes up acting… weird. Still, she seemed fine, so I teased her for breaking her promise by returning late. All she did in response was smile at me knowingly and taunt me about having missed her before turning gracefully on her heel and walking outside to say hello to the others. It felt as if she was playing a game with me, an off-beat game. I looked after her with not just a little bit of longing, grr, yes something like that. She seemed so distant and inaccessible; I wanted to take her challenge, but instead what did I do? I leapt off into the woods to a tree to think and try to forget, to no avail. When I got back, she was sitting by herself and so I snuck up behind her. She heard me and pivoted on the tree stump to look into my eyes before I could take her in my arms, well maybe not that, but before I could freak her out. She stood up, so close to me that I could feel the wind from her movement. She looked deeply into my eyes and blinked her beautiful eyes with a sly smile. Oh, she looked so beautiful at that moment- no other thoughts came through my mind. Then she tossed her hair and spoke, 'So were you off somewhere trying to buy a clue to cure your ignorance?' My blood began to boil, but I could neither speak nor move. She softly brushed her hand against my face, patted my head and laughed mockingly. Then she left without another word. Ok, I admit it- she was driving me crazy! I could not stop thinking about her and wanting her… no, I didn't just say that. I did not want her…and if I just kept telling myself that then it would all go away with time."

"That treatment continued for a few days and the others all knew about it- that's what close quarters do after all. If this was not torture enough, the others ran off to investigate a possible Shikon no Kakera. They didn't take Kagome because she had been acting strangely and I stayed behind to guard her, but that meant that we were pretty much alone. I don't know exactly what she was doing but I do know that she helped Kaede-babaa pick herbs for a little while and maybe learned how to make a few medicines. I slept in my tree for a while, just sniffing and listening to make sure everything seemed alright. After lunch, I sat in the shade of a tree and rested. I admit it- I was kinda bored, but at least Kagome wasn't driving me up the wall. I was just beginning to relax when she snuck up behind me and tugged on my ears pretty hard. Growling, I turned around to face my attacker."

"Kagome just looked at me, totally unafraid. In fact, she reached up to tug them a little more. 'I love pulling on your ears; they are so soft, like touching silk. Besides, you are so cute when you get a little annoyed.' She smirked. Damn that wench- how dare she mock my ears and invade my space! I am the one who sneaks up on people, not the other way around! So, I studied her. She was wearing the priestess robes again with her hair blowing in the breeze. I just stared at her wordlessly. 'Oh do I look like Kikyo again, Inuyasha? Don't you remember- I'm Kagome. Wouldn't your dead lover prefer if you didn't look at her reincarnation like that? We wouldn't want anything to happen between us, but then again it might not be cheating because I am her in a way right?'"

"I opened my mouth to protest, but I couldn't speak. My voice was frozen and my mind was icing over slowly. She continued, 'Oh why don't you tell me to leave and stay at home for good- or do you need me here for something- to get the Shikon no Tama, or maybe that's just an excuse? Ha, you are so dense!' Then she pressed her lips to mine. My eyes widened in surprise, but I found myself returning the impromptu kiss. I began to think about how warm she was, unlike Kikyo, whose lips did not feel warm, but somewhat cool. I asked myself why I was giving in to her." _You wanted her, Inuyasha; you love her- you clod!_ "Warmth traveled through my veins as I realized that I was at her mercy. I melted into her body and then felt her push me roughly to the ground."

"Her cheeks were flushed as she looked down at me with a seductive, well… ok yes it was seductive, smile. She licked her lips and winked at me. I tried not to blush, but I did and then I tried to look away for a moment, but she put her hand out to keep my head in place, so that I could look into her eyes. She knelt down beside me and smiled sweetly before putting her lips to mine. I don't know how why but I was kissing her back; I stopped thinking. All I could think was her name, so I turned my head and whispered Kagome into her ear. She smiled quickly and then bit down on my ear, softly and then harder. Her bite actually hurt and drew blood, but I barely felt it. As I was in a trance, I hardly noticed that she started slashing at me. That's when the others came back from their search. They were shocked as they surveyed the scene; they set to immediate action, but tried to avoid hurting Kagome, who is their friend too of course. As for me, the adrenaline rush kept me from pain until they knock her out."

"Since then, I cannot forget, while I am awake or while I am asleep what happened. I try to keep my mind away from it but I cannot. You see, in my dream, I think I kept being wrong about who was Kikyo and who was Kagome. Neither of them liked that idea very much- that is at least true in real life. I rarely dream about people I know so that makes this all feel weirder than it might otherwise. Besides, after they got angry at me, they both shot their purity arrows at me and as they hit home, I plunged into nothingness." Inside, his heart aches with remembrance. "I must rest and hope for pleasant dreams. Dream well," he said, tasting it upon his tongue yet again. "Yes I hope I will dream well, but actually I would rather not dream at all." The night moves on without him as he tries not to think anymore. Finally sleep grants him rest as the stars twinkle with promises of dreamless repose for the night.

Review, review, review, please! Ok we all know how much it means to us when people review. I wish I could say one of those things where I refuse to put up the next chapter until I get a set amount of reviews and although I am sure it works for some people, I'm not going to do it. If even one person is entertained even a little, then I feel as if it was all worth it. Oh btw, here's a random poem that I wrote this summer. It is not related to IY but it felt right to put it here.

Nothingness v. Love

I open my heart to the void.

All my burning passion, irrational and liquid, tossed to the howling wind.

Look down- the swirling black hole- the abyss calls.

There is no equilibrium of pain- wrenching pain exists on both sides

Look around- the Echthroi are here- inserting doubt and reveling in the chaos of nothingness.

Sweetly promising Power, they bring only destruction, loneliness and more pain.

Can you feel the obliterated substance in their wake?

Still, nothingness cannot touch love.

After all, we know that nature abhors a vacuum.

Insignificant and weak though it may seem, love fills all.

There is strength in love- haven't we learned anything?

Within the basic nature of love is the tendency to create- will you destroy yourself?

Love isn't easy and it hurts- that's not a surprise to us.

My love creates you in my heart.

I lack proof and motive and yet you ask me to believe in you.

I am supposed to give everything and remain wholly myself?

It is possible, but not too much to ask.

You ask for more than you should too.

A/n- Echthroi, from Madeleine L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time and A Wind in the Door- Echthroi are those that wish to annihilate everything, to destroy. They are great books even if they are technically kiddy lit, but so what? I am 21 and I am not afraid to admit that I like it- liking it does not in any way make me younger than I actually am!


	8. Pt 8: Intermission: Retribution Destroy ...

Hey everyone- yeah, I'm back again. Ok, now you guys are both going to love and hate this most likely. I am of course working on the next chapter, but when I say that, that begs the question- what on Earth is this? Well I have reached about the half-way point of action at least. I have laid the problems out and the rest will bring everything to a resolution- I hope so at least. Since the rest of it will be rather angsty and odd, due to the fact that all this weird stuff has to work itself out, I thought that I needed to put a breath of fresh air in here. I may do shortened versions of this at the end of the rest of the chapters, just to lighten the mood. Yes I know this makes me seem evil, but I thought it might be interesting to still hear about the story but to hear me make fun of it- and the characters come after me somewhat…

Ok, so you won't despise me too much for doing this(especially Angelstars and Classic Cowboy), I will work hard to put up the next chapter ASAP- even if I put it up in a shortened or less edited format, so if that happens, please keep that in mind. I offer this gift: the basic idea of Pt 9- the reunion- Inuyasha returns, ahem, and sees Kagome(?) again. How will they react? Will Kagome remember anything- is she Kagome? Also, we will have a special guest for the party, a certain dead woman named Kikyo? Yep, that's right, Kikyo will be there, too- will Inuyasha say anything about the letter and will Kagome remember the kind miko who gave her a cup of medicine? I hope you can forgive me for this- but the break and the next chapter will make up for it, as you can see. Please, stay tuned, everyone.

**Pt 8: Intermission: Retribution- destroy BeyondWords!**

The stage is dark and quiet. In the background, impatient attendees await the production. Technical workers rush back and forth while hissing orders to keep everything running smoothly. Clear rope lights line the stairs to lead the way to the exits. Over the din of noise, a haughty voice announces all the fire safety disclaimers as the big white lights shine on the large, red curtain. Everyone groans and ignores him just the same as everyone does when the airplane safety video comes on at the beginning of flights. "May I please have your attention for the following…" In the darkness, obnoxious guys jeer and talk back to the voice. At the end of the lecture, the large lights go off suddenly and get everyone's attention. On stage, a pair of shoes click-clack on the hard, shiny surface and then suddenly stop.

The voice makes another official announcement and this time he receives a cheer from the crowd. "Welcome, ladies, mikos, houshis, gentlemen, hanyous and youkai to this auspicious event- the intermission to Impurity of Selfishness, that story which is currently available to the masses online at and the author's website. We are so lucky to have not only the amazing and famous cast, but also the author. So, sit back, relax and watch as the author and cast discuss in detail the work itself and its background. I will also serve as the referee should it be needed in case of a major argument. You all know the rules, so without further adieu, I am pleased to introduce BeyondWords."

The curtain opens with a whoosh of air. A lone young woman sits upon a stool in the center of the stage. She is wearing a short-sleeved blue sundress that stops a few inches above her knees. Around her neck, a blue and green opal shines with brilliance over the medium scooped neck. She pulls lightly on her shoulder-length dark blonde hair. With a sheepish smile, she waves and tries to stare through the bright lights to find a familiar face among the strangers. From the wings, a few snickers waft their way to her ears. She sets her face and prepares herself.

The cast of Impurity of Selfishness/Inuyasha walks out to meet and greet the author. On each face, there are mixtures of emotions- fury, indignation, indifference, excitement and curiosity. Inuyasha and Kagome glare at BeyondWords in silent fury. Inuyasha yells without bothering with a greeting, "How could you, stupid bitch?"

Miroku looks reproving at his friend. "Inuyasha, I have told you a million times never to insult a lady in that manner." The monk turns to BeyondWords with an apologetic smile. She gives him a half-smile, gets up from the stool and backs away from Miroku, who moves in closer. "Please excuse my rough companion, my dear, he has a good heart, even if he has no tact." The half dog-demon bristles, but the monk ignores it, looking into the author's eyes while patting her hand softly. "We are very pleased to meet you; you are very kind to take an interest in our adventures." Kagome and Sango look at each other and roll their eyes in exasperation and prediction. Unaware, the lecherous one continues his attempt to grease another woman. "What beautiful blue eyes you have!"

Out of the blue, a random audience member stands up and asks, "Hey, BeyondWords, do you have color contacts?"

BeyondWords sweatdrops, blushes and gently pulls her hand away from Miroku. "No, this is my true eye color. Also, in case you were wondering- I won't grow any more than 5 ft because I am already 21, thank you very much. I will not apologize about it- I'm only as tall as I know how to be. I don't know of any way to make myself grow unless you have any bright ideas for me to consider." She looks pointedly in his direction and the random guy shakes his head and sits down.

Everyone takes in the response for a moment before gasping. "You're 21? Well, y.. you don't look it!"

She sighs and replies, "Thank you; I think. I do look it sometimes. People have actually asked me if I'm married and if I have children."

Inuyasha rolls his eyes and puts his hands behind his head. "Stupid bitch, you should have _both _of those by now- you're gonna be an old maid now for sure. No one'll marry or fall in love with you at your age!" He nods, unaware that many women are sharpening knives with only the sweet dream of plunging them into his flesh. Acting dense and untactful as usual, he does not bother to shut his mouth. "Yeah, you and Sango can go pick out spinster clothes together. Sango, you really should have taken that marriage offer that you got from that rich guy. That was so…" Sango sears Inuyasha with a look as Kagome jumps to cover his mouth.

Before BeyondWords could answer any of these charges, Miroku grabs her hand again. "How tragic indeed that such a beautiful maid should remain alone and unloved! Since you have no previous entanglements or plans, would you please consider bearing my child?" Everyone sweatdrops and most of the women, including BeyondWords, Sango and Kagome throttle Miroku. He looks up, "What did I say?" Sango mutters something about him asking everyone that question. Her arm is shaking as her nails dig into her flesh. Her self-control is beginning to give way.

Kikyo looks up from her book in the corner and walks towards them. "He never asked me to bear his child." Everyone sweatdrops. Sango raises her eyebrow in question. Kikyo responds, "Well of course I can't get pregnant because of my condition, but that was hardly the point was it?" She looks around, but they are all shaking their heads, except for Inuyasha, who is staring at the dead miko as he is now unaware of anything going on around him except for her...

Shaking her head, BeyondWords walks over to Inuyasha and whacks him hard on the head. "You are such a chauvinistic pig! I don't know how Kagome puts up with you sometimes! You really don't deserve her- or anyone- sometimes, you know that? For your information, jerk, people in our time tend to live longer, so people marry and have families later in their lives. After both husband and wife are more settled in their work, they usually discover that they can manage the challenges of raising a child together much better." A smattering of applause comes from the lightly buzzing room.

Inuyasha rolls his golden eyes. "Keh, how much work is hanging around the house and pumping out babies every now and then?" All women feel a strong urge to kill the hanyou.

Kagome narrows her eyes and stares at him. "You selfish idiot! You'd make anyone want to become a serious feminist! Of course you don't know what that means, so please do me a favor and listen for a moment, will you? That way I can explain." He looks at her, unmoved, since he has no idea what being a serious feminist means. "Women sometimes have more power and make more money than men do in our time."

BeyondWords nods and backs her up. "That's only the tip of the iceberg- having children is just thought of differently. Instead of saying that his wife was pregnant, a man might say, 'we are pregnant.' Still, maybe someone will write a fic about you giving birth- then let's hear your views on the ease of childbirth!"

Miroku and Inuyasha stare while Sango grins and smirks. After a moment, the shock wears off and Inuyasha shrugs before returning to his rant on the story. "Keh, I don't think so. Women… You're all crazy!" He stutters and takes a moment to regroup and continue his attack on the fanfic. "That was quite a lovely tangent to divert us, Miss Author, if you dare call yourself that! Oh by the way, I do not whimper in my sleep! Where'd you get that idea?" He sticks out his bottom lip and crosses his arms over his chest.

Kagome giggles. "Yes you do- I've heard you- and you do drool as she mentioned beforehand! A bit of the nasty stuff flew in the wind and hit me in the face one night. I was thoroughly disgusted! Your snoring is rather cacophonous too- you and Miroku could start a dissonant snoring choir!"

Laughing so hard that he's almost crying, Shippo leaps onto Kagone's shoulder. "Yeah, I remember that!" He leans forward in his laughter and Kagome luckily catches him in her arms before he hits the stage floor. "Do you remember the night that the two of them were snoring in unison and in off-key harmony? Of course, none of the rest of us could sleep, but it was memorable!" He breaks into fits of laughter once more. The audience begins whispering and laughing.

A nerve in Inuyasha's head begins to pop as everyone on stage and off snickers at the memory. "How dare you speak to me that way!"

Kagome walks up to him and lightly touches the prayer beads with her index finger. Quietly she sweetly remarks, "Don't make me say it, Inuyasha."

He grumbles and turns back to BeyondWords. "I don't have an obnoxious running commentary in my head- where did you get a damned dumb idea like that? My mind is always clear and on target."

BeyondWords considers the hanyou and cocks her head to one side thoughtfully. She blushes and stares off into space for a moment. "Oh I suppose you might not, but I figured you have to be thinking about something when you appear to be so out of it. I guessed that you might not want to burden everyone else with your thoughts- so it's supposed to make you seem smart, not stupid!" She rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in the air. Then she glares at him. "You don't like my comedic commentary, neh? Well that was partially taken from a conversation I had with a friend of mine- I love to argue with him that way."

Shippo nods with a giggle as he looks at the whimsical author, "I like the commentary- it's nice to know that Inuyasha's not completely out of it, as you call it, all the time. Arguing with himself- it makes him seem like a dog who's chasing his tail or who's barking at his reflection in the water!" The kitsune breaks into helpless laughter along with BeyondWords. Inuyasha, who is completely unamused, comes toward him with murder on his mind; he has had enough insults. Kagome shakes her head and subdues him with a triumphant chuckle.

BeyondWords sweatdrops. "Riiight. Ok, leaving now."

They all halt and pull BeyondWords back. Kagome turns to her and says, "No, you must stay as our guest. We must have a little chat with you." BeyondWords sighs and nods. The rest of them have evil grins painted on their faces- now is the time for retribution!

Kagome takes a deep breath, "Ok, your whole first chapter was full of author's notes- that's not a real chapter. All you did was blab on and on about love while telling people not to flame you too much- if they want to flame you, you'll end up crispy no matter what kind of pleas you initially put out there. Also what's with this name of yours: Impurity of Selfishness? Puh-lease, as if people would voluntarily read something like that! Besides, how dare you imply that I am impure and selfish!" The others snicker.

BeyondWords answers, "Well, I wanted to write the disclaimer anyway- just in case it helped. Look at me and truthfully tell me that you enjoy rejection, Miss Purity? By the way do you really want me to write you as if you're always perky? Real life is not that cut and dry- besides, don't you get sick of the same old thing again and again? We all see you having problems with Inuyasha and yet you want us to write it as if that's not true? You put up with him even when he chose his dead lover over you- and to boot, he still can't make up his mind!" Inuyasha starts to protest but they all silence him with a glare. "And none of this is supposed to give you odd thoughts and feelings now and then? Besides, how dare you be so presumptuous- you haven't even seen the ending yet so you don't know what I am or am not implying! For your information," she whispers to Kagome, "I think that Inuyasha should choose you over Kikyo, but you'll understand that more at the end." Kagome gives her a slight smile and nods.

Sango pushes in to raise a small question. "Well be that as it may, why connect your pathetic poetry with our names- even and especially if it wasn't written in the context?"

BeyondWords stubbornly says, "My story, my rules. I said they weren't exactly about the story- and people aren't forced to read them! If they read them and dislike them, then that is their problem not mine." The beautiful demon exterminator nods, which the author takes as an acknowledgement of fairness.

Getting back into the fight, Kagome shouts, "Well anyway, who is this boyfriend you are creating? Why is everyone afraid of me? Did Naraku do something to me, but then I would not be with them… hmm…" The young miko thinks for a moment and then has an epiphany. "Did Kikyo give me something during the time that I don't remember? Kikyo, that bitch- how dare she do that to me?" Kikyo looks impassively at her reincarnation at this remark but does not say anything. The others study the two and wait for World War III to break out, but both of the women keep their cool. Slowly, they turn to the author to hear the response.

Shaking her head, she gently explains, "Wait and you'll see." They all sigh. "I wish I could tell you but then I would give everything away and then no one would read my story at all!" They nod, but remain quiet.

Waking from another of his space-outs, Inuyasha flares up. "Wait a second, wench? Kagome, this Kagome has a boyfriend? Damn, is it Kouga or that Hojo guy again? Grrr. Kagome, what the heck is going on? I'm gonna destroy whoever…"

BeyondWords looks at him with a slight grin on her face. Lightly she taunts in reminder, "Why do you care if she has a boyfriend, Inuyasha? Of course not- you only want to kill Kouga because he's a wolf and he insults you. Your blood didn't boil when you saw Kagome defending him and you never overreact when you see him speak to Kagome and call her his woman?"

A male voice from the audience screams, "Yeah why do you care about my woman, dogface? You stay away from my Kagome!" Kouga appears in a whirlwind a half-second later to take Kagome in his arms. Inuyasha gives a warning growl which the wolf prince ignores. Kagome quietly greets Kouga and pulls away from him. The wolf turns to Inuyasha once more and faces him, "Yeah, answer the lady's question, inukorro- why do you care?"

The hanyou visibly tries to ignore his anger and to sort his feelings out enough to answer the question. "I… don't…" He turns to BeyondWords quickly to change the subject, "And why on Earth did you make Kagome attack me, especially after how she was acting and making me feel…"

Kagome looks up at him, "Yes, Inuyasha, you were saying? Oh and what- I attacked you? No I didn't- everyone else must have some amnesia too! You jerk, I haven't seen you since I got back and you accuse me of something like that? You're supposed to be on a mission- something having to deal with your family? Gone to unwrap presents with your dear older brother at the family home?"

Inuyasha growls, then turns to Miroku, Sango and Shippo. "Who told her that? Why didn't you tell her the truth? She caused it after all!"

Kagome rushes in between them. "Truth- caused what exactly? Then where are you, Inuyasha?" BeyondWords hushes the others and gives them the signal not to reveal anything. They sigh and nod reluctantly. Kagome turns to them all. "What's going on, guys? Why are you afraid of me?"

Sango put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Kagome-chan- it's nothing."

Kagome flames up. "Nothing? Whatever… I can't force you to tell me and it might ruin the story; I guess. Let's see, what else should we say while we are here? BeyondWords, what's your obsession with nothingness anyway? You keep mentioning it in one of your chapters, so there must be a reason."

She replies defensively, "It's not my obsession that I'm ridiculing, nor any of yours, if you want to know." She looks down at her feet for a moment.

Inuyasha, frustrated, snaps, "So who cares about oblivion and nothingness? Not me- I'm not a weird freak! All I want is to use the Shikon no Tama to be a true youkai- and to kill Naraku."

BeyondWords smiles, "It was a joke that I remember. A friend of mine and I were discussing the nature of nothingness." Her eyes mist over sadly in remembrance. "We are both neither one thing nor the other- whatever that one thing or the other thing are." She shrugs.

He looks unimpressed. "And that is your reasoning for making me look like a fool?"

"That's not what I did; you should be glad to be compared to him. Shut up- I didn't come here to talk about him!" The cast silently comments… sure you didn't.

The announcer interrupts the silence. The author looks up with gratitude and the cast flinches at their loss of time. "Well time is almost up. It's opinion time, so please cast would you walk up to the pieces of paper and write your opinion of this work so far?"

**The Results:**

Inuyasha: She is completely inaccurate about many things, but at least stuff is finally starting to happen. I was getting bored not being involved.

Kagome: This story is not bad in itself; some of the extras are questionable. The first part did feel like something I would think, although I don't tend to remember my dreams. I don't like the idea of having amnesia and having people be afraid of me, but I'm hoping it will work out for the best. I guess I'll just have to trust her.

Miroku: I don't really have that much of a part yet, but I am interested in seeing what happens. I am in favor of Inuyasha being less dense than he seems; it hurts poor Kagome-sama. Where are all the beautiful women- other than the ones in this room?

Sango: I do not have much of a part yet, either, but at least she is not making me out to be overly talkative and perky, because that would be a stretch. Yelling at Inuyasha for not showing us the letter felt good- I enjoyed doing that scene.

Shippo: I like this story a good bit, except that it is a little sad, not as if that is unusual for us. I like to believe that I have more tact than she makes me out to have, but she thinks I'm cute… why do humans, especially human females, think I am so cute? Oh well, she seems pretty nice like Kagome and Sango. (BeyondWords whispers to him… "I'm too nice sometimes, Shippo-chan." She winks and smiles brightly.)

Kikyo: I have no idea what she has in mind for me, but I hope I won't have to hurt her later on. Inuyasha is mine; he promised. The focus on that girl is rather obnoxious- she is the sequel as BeyondWords mentioned.

Kaede: (who was attending a patient and could not come) The pain that both Kagome-chan and Kikyo-onee-sama are feeling saddens me, but I hope the ending will not be too tragic for either of them.

Souta: (who was in school) I hope Kagome-nee-chan brings Inu no onii-chan back with her. I want her to remember everything- and I want them to be together. I hope she comes home and doesn't get hurt. I'm guessing this story won't take place on this side of the well and since I can't go there, I just have to wait.

Kouga: (who wrote his before anyone could stop him because he is not a member of the cast) Kagome is my woman, no matter what any of those morons say, and if you hurt her, I will come after you.

The announcer flashes the results up on a huge screen. Some people break into laughter in the audience and on stage. After a moment, the booming voice dismisses everyone. "Well thank you for coming. Please remember to check your immediate area for any of your personal belongings that you might have taken with you before leaving your seat. Drive safely and have a wonderful evening. Thank you again for your support." The audience claps and the featured people take their bows before the curtain closes. Right before the light goes out, BeyondWords comes out from behind the curtain.

"Good evening, everyone. I would like to personally thank you again for your continued patronage. Please remember that it is greatly appreciated. If you happen to have any comments, please don't hesitate to leave your own review or to send me an e-mail. Thank you for reading, to those who chose to review and also to those who do not. Until the next chapter then, good night." She steps backward into darkness.

I mean it- please leave your reviews- I hope you enjoyed the break from such hard stuff for a moment. If this goes over well, I may do it once more closer to the end. Thank you yet again!


	9. Pt 9: Not Your Usual Reunion Pt 1

I'm back! This chapter ended up longer than I thought. The other stuff just jumped in there. I decided not to end the story here for reasons that will become clearer as the story continues. Now I have figured out that I am about halfway done- or maybe less than that. I have the story extensively mapped out to chapter 24- some of them I might combine, but we shall see. But since I am at this point, I wonder if I should change the genre from angst/romance and what I should say in the summary. Anyway, random questions…. I would again like to thank my amazing and faithful couple of reviewers- Angelstars and Classic Cowboy. You two are the best! gets a little teary-eyed, but brushes away the tears Ok, enough of that- I'm just appreciative. On to the story!

**Pt 9: Not Your Usual Reunion**…

"And then, there was her voice again, in his mind, carrying her thoughts to him like a dove finding its home. _I, too, would never say good-bye, Imzadi._ Relief washed over him. He should have known that she would understand, and that there was indeed going to be a basis on which to build a relationship. He wasn't sure where that relationship would go, or what its ultimate fate would be… but at least whatever happened in the future, they would be facing it together."

- William T. Riker about his Imzadi, Deanna Troi… from Peter David's book Imzadi

Cumulus clouds hang over the whole world, or so it appears since the sun still hangs below the horizon. Still moving with the quiet restful pace of nighttime, the world slowly begins to awaken. Those who no longer sleep feel the energy crackling in the humid air with the passing of each gentle air current. After all, this is no ordinary dawn, not that they know that or know why that is so. Most ignore their anxiety and begin the day- why should they do otherwise? The cause of the restlessness- it could not affect the natural balance or their lives, now could it? They brush off the feeling with a slight prayer to the mikos who protect the village- the miko and her reincarnated sister.

_Of course, it still feels a little strange that the person, the miko, that they mean is me, simple Higurashi Kagome. They do not know the truth about where I come from; they only know that it is now my duty to protect the Shikon no Tama just as Kikyo had during her lifetime. Well, I am what I am and I will do my best. The townspeople place their hopes and trust in us and continue to go about their normal lives. No, it's my life that is always being disrupted instead…_

Although it is early, we are already stirring within Kaede's hut due to the fact that we had both experienced disturbing dreams. Neither of us wished to explain beyond that simple overview because all we want is companionship at this point. I look outside and shiver slightly as I sip my cup of miso soup. _I am quite grateful for all the care Kaede-baa-chan has given to me and I just hope that I don't let her down with this quest. Technically, I am not a miko, only the reincarnated soul of a particularly powerful one._ On the other side of the fire, I can see the older miko with her eyes closed. _She seems lost in her private thoughts. I don't want to disturb her, but I do wish to thank her for breakfast, well, more accurately for everything. Maybe I should wait until she opens her eyes._ I gently put the cup down and quietly take the rice bowl and chopsticks. Her eyes open and I frown.

"Oh Kaede-baa-chan, I'm sorry that I bothered you. I did try to be quiet." I bite my lip a bit in frustration.

She looks at me and shakes her head. "No, Kagome-chan. I'm sorry that I left you alone with your thoughts. I am actually quite pleased that you are awake; you are a great comfort to me." She glances toward the door and remains quiet, lost in her assessment of the day. Without turning to face me again, she speaks as if from slightly far away. "I get the feeling that something is brewing but it is illusive. I am not quite sure how to react."

I look at her with a smile. "Thank you for everything Kaede-baa-chan. You have already done so much for me." I nod at her and smile, although I know she isn't looking at me. "I understand what you mean about something going on- I feel it too. I also know that…" I strain to remember and sigh. Then my face relaxes as the words come out on their own. "I'm sure you will have the strength to act when the time comes."

The older woman leans forward and studies me in surprise. "That's wonderful advice, Kagome-chan. You said it beautifully too, did you know that? Where did you hear that?"

"Well, I think it was something I used to tell myself about something- I don't remember. Well by that, we can safely assume that I'm not cured yet." I scowl slightly. "I hate not remembering!"

She sympathetically nods and changes the subject. "So what happened last night when you started talking to everyone?"

I run my fingers through my soft black hair. _Ugh, my hair is sticky with sweat and is full of tangles. I really want to go take a bath as soon as I can. Be that as it may, think about what happened. She asked you a question- don't just sit here like a dolt and act vain._ "Well they seemed a little anxious when I first showed up but that went away for the most part. Sango and I talked for little while about love- meanwhile Miroku tried to spy on us, but he fell asleep instead." I giggle. She looks at me with her eyebrow raised. "Oh yeah, I remembered a little more about my boyfriend." I continue speaking to tell her about my first romantic moment with my boyfriend. As hard to read as always, Kaede sits there watching me- if I wasn't somewhat used to it, it might be making me nervous. As I finish my story, Sango, Miroku and Shippo enter. Shippo drools at the scent of breakfast and Sango whacks him on the head for being rude and ignoring Kaede and I. He rubs his head and greets us. He leaps into my arms for a good morning hug. Sango just shakes her head and quietly laughs. As for the monk, Miroku breathes in deeply to savor the aroma of the soup.

"Good morning, Kaede-sama, Kagome-sama. We awoke to the delicious aroma of breakfast, for which I am greatly appreciative. Did you both sleep quite well?" I shrug and mutter a fine for him to hear. Kaede simply greets him and says no more about his question.

In response, Sango bristles in indignation. "Aren't going to ask me how _I_ slept, houshi-sama?" She beautifully crosses her arms over her chest.

He sweatdrops and scratches his head with a sheepish look on his face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I already asked you; I was sure of it. If I do ask, will you please refrain from calling me a pervert and slapping me?"

She rolls her eyes. "Well, I will if you refrain from grabbing me! I slept fine just so you know." He tries to nod somewhat solemnly, but swallows hard so that his Adam's apple bobs up and down for a few seconds.

I hide a slight giggle. _I may have forgotten a few things, but I have not forgotten Miroku and Sango._ I gaze at them with a covered smile. _Still, someday- yes someday, they might get past the impediments to their relationship. If only Miroku didn't handle his stress by being lecherous… But apart of from that, of all of us, I am the only one who is not fighting for revenge. Inuyasha fights for Kikyo, Sango fights for the memory of her family and Kohaku and Miroku fights for his life and the lives of his potential descendants. Well I can't leave out Shippo, now can I? I guess he is fighting for the memory of his father and trying to find a way to pay back Inuyasha, for what he did to Hiten and Manten._

I sigh as I look out the window. _Here I am, simple Higurashi Kagome from Tokyo. Although I am a miko and I can sense the Shikon no Kakera, I do not fully possess the powers of a miko. My job is to find the Shikon no Kakera and to protect them, but I have no personal quarrel with Naraku besides the fact that he has most of the Shikon no Kakera. Certainly, I fight for what he has done to my friends._ I smile to myself and push a migrating lock of hair out of my face. _What are you thinking, Kagome? Alright, you're correct… Most of the time I'm used against them- someone kidnaps me because I'm not as strong as the rest but since they are my friends and since only I… and Kikyo… can sense the shards, they come to rescue me. I wish I was stronger than this! Do I really help them as much as I think or am I more of a liability? _Gently, my other half whispers gently to heal my heart. _Kagome, shouldn't you let them decide that for you? If they didn't want to help you, then they simply would not_ _do so. Besides, Kikyo isn't interested in helping Miroku, Sango and Shippo; she doesn't seem to see them at all, or you for that matter. If you want to be stronger, why not embrace your miko powers more fully and ask Kaede-baa-chan to train you a bit. Maybe then you can help them better. Wouldn't it be nice if it was more difficult for enemies to kidnap you?_

"Kagome-chan, I will be right back. Can you hear me, dear?" Kaede looks at me worriedly. I stir from my reverie with a jump. My brain registers and breaks out of introspection mode.

I nod in earnest and give everyone a sheepish grin. "Oh yes, I can hear you. I apologize- I was thinking and just tuned everything out for a moment. Where are you going?"

"Oh, just out to treat someone. I will be back soon, so don't worry."

I bite my lip and nod. "Oh good. I am going to take a bath and Kaede-baa-chan, I have something to ask you when you get back." She nods at me and hurries out the door to go see her patient. I slap my knees and stand up carefully. _Time for a bath- even if it is cold water! Ahh to be clean again… how wonderful!_ I walk over to the corner to grab a couple of towels. As I open the door, I breathe in the fresh morning air. _Yes, another beautiful morning in this era. I wonder what the weather is like back in my own time._ Without another important thought, I head off in the direction of the small lake, which is a relatively short distance from the village but of course no longer exists in my time.

Back in the hut, Kaede tends to Inuyasha. She examines the cuts on his ear and his chest without much comment then starts putting a new poultice and fresh bandages around his wounds. Meanwhile, he taps his fingers impatiently on the floor. Miroku, Sango and Shippo are watching him with annoyed looks on their faces. Totally oblivious to the actions of the others around him, he continues his nervous and frustrated actions.

Suddenly overflowing with energy, Inuyasha snarls. "Hey- are you done poking me? I want out now- or do you have some damned foolish idea of drugging me up again?"

Undaunted by his manner, Kaede continues her examination quickly, as she was almost finished before the outburst. "Well, you are improving, Inuyasha. You were lucky; none of the wounds were too deep." Everyone blinks and considers her explanation with curiosity.

"What do you mean, you old hag? You trapped me in here by myself when I wasn't that hurt!"

Kaede quickly and calmly responds, "You were in danger, Inuyasha. We did not know what would happen…"

He interrupts, "No one can hurt me, least of all a little human girl with no powers."

Miroku looks at him with questioning eyes. "But you do have a soft spot when it comes to Kagome-sama, no matter what you say."

Sango nods. "You do care about her. Besides, if no one can hurt you, why were you covered in slashes- unless you enjoy pain? If she means nothing to you, can we start slashing you every time you get on our nerves?"

"Keh, you just don't understand. I can hear you thinking that I love Kagome but that's ridiculous. I chose Kikyo, remember? Kagome was the one who started acting weird towards me this past week." Miroku and Sango give him an exasperated look as they sigh and walk out the door. Shippo shakes his head and catches Inuyasha's eye. "Don't look at me like that, you little kitsune brat! I know you want me to go make up with Kagome and ditch Kikyo. I should have ditched you long ago- I helped you get revenge and allowed you to come with me and how do you repay me? You are always second-guessing me. Get this straight- I don't answer to you or anyone else."

Shippo runs back behind Kaede, but continues to yell at Inuyasha. "I'm not following you- I'm following Kagome, so you cannot ditch me. No, you don't answer to me or to the rest of us, but you do have to answer to yourself and you would never forgive yourself if something bad happened to Kagome. I would never forgive you either!" The young cub runs quickly out of the hut and obviously heads off to find Kagome.

Kaede shakes her head. "Well, ready or not, you are well enough to leave."

"I thought that you said that I was in here to be protected from Kagome!"

"That's true."

A nerve in his head starts to pop. "So how can I leave? What happened with Kagome? Is she ok? Is she normal now?"

"Are you worried about her- or yourself?"

"I just wanna know, alright?"

Kaede shrugs and gets up to walk out. "Why don't you ask her yourself? I'm sure you both have a lot to talk about considering." Gathering her belongings, she moves out the door.

Inuyasha realizes that they forgot something. "Wait, Kaede-ba-baa, let me out of here! The seal is still in place!" She stops and turns. After a moment, she raises an eyebrow. "Alright, please remove the seal…" She continues to look at him. "Oh yeah and thank you for your help." She smiles and removes the seal as he asked. He stumbles out with a sigh and runs towards his favorite tree.

The old miko wistfully looks after him. Throwing away a quick prayer, she almost shakes her head with a slight movement that is almost unperceivable. "Now the time of testing has come about and all I can do is wait. There are no warnings to give, for I do not know what to expect. I know neither the form of the test nor the outcome. Prepare yourselves, children. This is not an enemy to be fought with swords or arrows. This is the battlefield of the heart and of the mind. Meanwhile, I will sit and wait, just outside the main action, as it has always been for me. I will do everything I can, so please hear my warning in your hearts and hold on to the friendships you have endeavored to create."


	10. Pt 10: Not Your Usual Reunion Pt 2

**Pt. 10- Not Your Usual Reunion** **2**

While towel-drying my hair after a morning and partial afternoon of swimming and reading, I sit on a huge rock next to the lake. Everything around me is quiet and peaceful. I smile and breathe in the sweet air. Shippo jumps into my lap and unintentionally knocks the breath out of me. I look down into his bright, expectant blue eyes. As everything around us became more real at that moment, the colors of the surroundings seem to brighten in response to the energetic kitsune. _How can I do anything but smile and hug him?_ "What is it, Shippo-chan?"

"Oh Kagome..." He looks down.

"Well if it's like that, could you please let me finish drying my hair while you tell me your story?" He blushes and gracefully leaps up to a larger rock next to mine. He glances into my eyes and then down at the rock with a boyish grin, as if he is simply excited by the idea of looking into my eyes as we speak. _He is so precious- and I know he idealizes me, more than I deserve._ After ruffling his orange hair, I place the towel over my head and give him the signal to continue his tale.

"You see, it's just that… I was wondering if… do you mind that I follow you around? I know that I'm young and that I am not all that strong, but do you want me around?" I stop attacking my hair with the towel and look my little friend in the eye.

"Oh Shippo-chan, how can you think something like that? I love having you around."

"Yeah, maybe so, but…" He gives a sad smile and I feel his heart plummet like a stone. "I can't really protect you like the others can and I know that I am really annoying sometimes." He frowns and sighs. "I speak my mind and second-guess everything. Do I really deserve to travel with you guys?" He fidgets and won't meet my eyes.

For a moment, my mouth runs dry as I watch his now-silent agony. "Shippo-chan, please listen to me and consider a few things- that is if you will allow me to second-guess you?" He looks up with an unspoken question shining from the back of his mind. Slowly, he nods his assent. "You are worried about whether you are strong enough to come with us and whether we enjoy your company as a friend. As for the question of strength- do you mind that I am much weaker than you? I have practically no powers whatsoever and I am very susceptible to potential kidnappers." I blush. "Everyone always has to protect me- even you can protect me better than I can protect myself."

I take a deep breath and continue. "As for friendship, that's what friends are for. Besides, if you can put up with me, I can more than put up with you. Don't you worry- you are always welcome around me; I'll always be your friend, if that's what you want." The wind rustles the leaves and lifts our hair out of place with a gentle gust. He does not move for a little while, but simply stares at me as if he had not heard me, although I know for a fact that he had.

Shippo opens his mouth to speak but then does not speak. Frustrated but obviously pleased beyond possible verbal expression, he clears his throat. "Kagomeee! Do you really mean it?" I nod and give him a motherly smile. His eyes open in realization and he spits out his mind as usual. "You aren't completely weak, Kagome! You have your purity arrow and you can sense the Shikon no Kakera. We couldn't do this without you!"

_How optimistic of him… but perhaps that is not all bad- maybe I could use a little optimism._ "True, Shippo-chan, but that attack by itself is rarely enough. Also, you could find the Shikon no Kakera without me- it just might take a little longer- and there's always Kikyo."

He flinches. "Kikyo- she'd never help us. What about your medicines that you bring back? They've helped us so many times. We need you, Kagome. You'll find more of your own power." I smile at him with hope. _Maybe that will end up being a prophetic statement after all is said and done._

"You may be right, my little prophet." I mess up his hair and he jumps into my lap. "Where did you get the idea that you were annoying and that I didn't want you around, Shippo-chan? Did someone say something to you?" He nods. "Yes, who was it?"

"Inuyasha." His eyes widen as he carefully examines my emotional response. I grasp onto the name like a drowning person hanging on to a life raft- _Inuyasha. Why is my heart pounding- how silly. He's back- it's time for me to give him trouble about being late. It's only fair. All's fair in love and in war… hey, where did that come from- that has nothing to do with Inuyasha._

"Come on, Kagome- let's go find him! You wanna see him, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, I'd like to give him a piece of my mind, but there's no rush to that. Why else would I need to see him so urgently?" Shippo shakes his head and refrains from answering the question. After looking back at me with a sigh, he leaps down into the grass. I run my fingers through my hair and decide that it's dry enough. _Oh well, time to go back and have a rather late lunch._

With my free hand, I beckon to Shippo. "Come on; let's go. I'm done here and everyone will be wondering where we are. Besides, I have something to ask Kaede-baa-chan…" I look down at the young youkai walking in step with me. His little shoulders are slumped and he has a slight pout on his cute face. _Maybe I should tell him about my question for Kaede-baa-chan. He will certainly appreciate it; I just hope that he'll keep it a secret- he has a tendency to speak his mind without thinking sometimes._ "Shippo-chan, please don't look so depressed or you'll make me sad. If it'll make you feel any better, I'll tell you a little secret." His ears twitch in surprise. "You only have to promise me one thing- that you will keep it a secret from the others. I am not ready for them to know yet. I want to surprise them. Do I have your solemn word?"

He begins to walk with his usual bounce. "Oh yes, Kagome. You have my word as my father's son."

I smile gently at him and nod. "Ok, you know what we were talking about earlier? I am planning on asking Kaede-baa-chan to help me discover any other powers I might have."

"You are going to train to be a miko?"

"Yeah something like that. If I had some powers of my own, I might be able to help everyone better than I can as it stands now. I won't get in the way as much during the fights and will hopefully become more of an asset. When we get back, I am going to ask Kaede-baa-chan, but I don't want the others to find out yet. When I am farther into the training, they'll simply witness the results and at that point, I can tell them. That's my plan anyway."

He beams. "I think that is wonderful, Kagome. But you know what- I still think you are strong."

"Well I appreciate your enthusiasm- I have a feeling that I might need it." At this point, we end our journey. I give him a conspiratorial wink and he nods. With purposeful steps, we make our way to Kaede's hut- our headquarters and home when we are in the village. Shippo gives me a thumbs-up signal- a gesture that I taught him- and then scampers off to find the others and distract them for a few minutes while I ask.

Suddenly, a wave of nervousness mysteriously floods through my heart. _What is this? This is Kaede-baa-chan, my surrogate grandmother- why does this feel strange? Stop it, Kagome and simply jump in the water and begin to swim as you know you can._ My courage restored, I push aside the grass mat that is the door and greet the woman inside.

I nod and then sit on the floor in front of her. She smiles at me, as if she is expecting the exact question that I plan to ask. "Kaede-baa-chan, I have a small favor to ask of you. I am worried that I am too weak to travel with the others anymore. I felt as if I am more of a liability than a source of help and the thought pains me. We are going to be here for a little while and I was wondering if you might… you know, help me." Nervously I yank on my hair. Suddenly feeling embarrassed, I bow down before her. "Please teach me, Kaede-sama, sensei."

She touches my shoulder and looks at me. I sit up and look at her hopefully. She opens her mouth and I feel my heart stop for a moment. "Dear, calm down. Of course I will help you. I was hoping you would allow me to teach you. I admit that I have been curious for a long time now about what other surprises lie deep within your heart, dear Kagome-chan. Don't worry and please call me Kaede-baa-chan as you usually do. We are friends, even if you wish to become my pupil." She thinks for a moment. "Back in your time, you live in the family shrine, don't you?" I nod. "That is reason enough to train you. I am surprised that your grandfather never noticed your aptitude."

I blush at the glowing compliment. "Well, before I came back here, I never believed in any of his powers or charms. They never seemed to work- actually they still don't." I blush. "I'm sorry- I should not speak so of my family, especially of my elders. But even Inuyasha knows that Grandpa-jii-chan's powers are not the same as yours, Kikyo's or any monk's or miko's powers I have encountered while back in this time."

She nods and considers. "I do not know why that would be. Perhaps the nature of magic has changed. You had never seen a youkai before so there are too many possibilities that could account for these differences to find the true cause. As for you, I have noticed that you do these things naturally, without thinking. I would be proud to have such a pupil."

"Thank you so much- I can hardly wait but there's one more thing. Could we keep this to ourselves for the moment? I don't want the others to know initially about this… they might try to stop me or misunderstand. Shippo already knows…" Kaede raises her eyebrow. "Oh don't worry, I made him give me his word and he hasn't let a secret slip when he's given his word." She relaxes.

"I understand." We turn our heads and hear voices from outside. Kaede and I nod to each other. Miroku pokes his head in after he knocks and announces that our meal is served outside.

Everyone sits in a circle as we hungrily tear into the meal. After a few moments, Inuyasha lands in the middle of the circle. "Why didn't you tell me that it was time to eat!"

Sango rolls her eyes. "We figured that you could figure it out for yourself- between your brain and your oh-so-superior heightened hanyou senses."

He growls in response and stares at the young taijiya, but then he realizes who is sitting beside her. I do not bother to look up at him- my meal is much more interesting. _I can see him after I eat. Besides, who'd want to watch him with his pathetic table manners? Is he watching me- why doesn't he dig into the food?_ An uneasy silence settles over the group. I sweatdrop and start to feel more than a little self-conscious. _Ok, enough of this nonsense._ I glare into his eyes. For a moment, I can see his eyes soften and glisten lightly. _What's wrong with him? This is so annoying!_ Warmth rushes up into my face. _Why do I have this urge to make him feel better? Grrr, this is uncomfortable!_

Unable to contain myself any longer, I begin my onslaught. "Can I be of service to you, Inuyasha? If I can, please go ahead and ask me so that you can stop staring at me! You have the nerve to be late and now you cannot even be polite? How typically you…" I sigh.

As if he is in a trance, Inuyasha continues to watch me. Naturally, the entire group decides that it's time to watch my every move. _Sheesh, I am not usually overly self-conscious, but I cannot help but wonder… do I have something stuck on my face?_ Sango stops watching me and holds out some food for Inuyasha, but he does not notice. _Why can't he see it- it's right in front of him? Oh wait a second- what is he doing?_

Inuyasha trudges towards me. Feeling rather nervous, I avoid making eye contact with him. No creature would dare make a sound anywhere near us; all I can hear is the wind screaming in my ears. He kneels down in front of me with a soft plop, but remains completely quiet. I admit it- I want to yell or make some noise because this silence hurts my ears. Deftly, he takes my free hand and holds it in his. I catch my breath as my mind races, desperately trying to decide how to respond. In the deepness of his eyes, I can see him trembling in doubt even more than his hand is shaking as it holds my own. _Tenderness, why Inuyasha? I am blushing and I feel… safe. I remember… wait darn it, it's in there somewhere, yes- I remember Kisho!_

A rustle of brush interrupts my thoughts, but Inuyasha does not move his hand from mine, even when he looks up at the newcomer. This time, everyone catches their breath at the sight of Kikyo. Miroku and Sango give each other a glance. As for Shippo, his mouth simply hangs open in shock. Kaede greets her sister and the dead woman nods in response. Kikyo seems more interested in watching Inuyasha, or more precisely in this case, Inuyasha and me. _Oh this can't look good at all- Inuyasha's got some explaining to do. I wouldn't want to be him right now, but why doesn't he let go of my hand and back away from me?_ He looks back to me, stands up and holds my hand close to his chest as he whispers my name. Instead of dropping my hand, he lays it back down on my knee where he had found it in the first place.

"Kikyo… what are you doing here?" He looks at her, now seeming caught somewhat in her web of intrigue. He loves her of course, but why did he not rush directly to her side with boundless enthusiasm? Love changes everything and he seems somewhat disenchanted at the moment, but why I certainly do not know. Her usually impassive face slightly warms, well as much as possible for a dead shell, as she looks upon her Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha, did you get my letter?" He nods and from beside me, I can hear Sango's intake of air. I glance at Miroku, who is staring at Kikyo and shaking his head. Shippo's mouth finally closes and he jumps onto my shoulder. In a gesture of comfort for whatever is bothering him, I pat his little foot. Kikyo continues to speak. "I know- there do not have to be words. I need none from you. You must be wondering why I am here? Should I not be here? Do you want me to stay away?" _Why would she need to stay away from someone that she loves and that loves her in return?_ "Of course, you don't know. I know- and I understand."

He watches her as if he is memorizing her every feature, and as if she is about to disappear from right in front of him. _Maybe she is- Kikyo has seemed like that sometimes. Why does he not embrace her or greet her properly? Instead, he was holding my hand._ _No apology, no explanation- nothing- I do not see how that would build trust, something so difficult to build anyway._

"Inuyasha, I guess that there is no time for silly chit-chat and that I better cut to the chase. I'm sorry to disturb you." She glances back at me, but I shake my head at her and mouth an apology. "Yes, we have business to discuss."

He finds his voice. "B-business, Kikyo?"

"Yes, Inuyasha, business. You are looking for the Shikon no Kakera and I have discovered that one is nearby."

"Yeah, so is Naraku going after it himself or is he sending one of his detachments to take care of his business?" I try to smother a smile at this comment. _Naraku and his mini-me's… frighteningly funny._

"You misunderstand. Naraku does not know about this one yet. I decided to tell you instead." He blinks in astonishment at her words.

_Wait a second- this still seems a little odd to me. I know that I should not get involved but I feel as if something should be said._ Without a second thought, I barge into their conversation. "But Kikyo, you work with Naraku! Why else would you steal that large piece of the Shikon no Tama from around my neck? Shouldn't you want to give this piece to Naraku, no matter what your intentions are for working with such a jerk, especially one who once _wanted _you and caused your death."

She turns to look me in the eye. "It is true that I did steal that piece and that I did try to kill you- there is no reason to ignore either fact. As for Naraku, I will lead him to his imminent doom with or without this shard. So I choose to give it to Inuyasha instead." The hanyou in question is staring off into space, but realizes what she said. He blushes bright red and mutters his thanks. Kikyo nods, takes one last look at him and then turns to go. Inuyasha examines her as she walks away and half-reaches out a hand as to keep her close. The rest of us ignore the gesture and return to eating our food.

Still acting sulky, he eats, although slightly slower than usual. Everyone else is lost within the misty pathways of their thoughts. _What a day this has been for thinking! I want to cheer everyone up, but I am not sure how. Let's see- what about dessert? Maybe Souta put something really interesting into my bag. I wasn't paying attention when I shoved everything in that bag so maybe… well nothing to do but go and see._ I get up but gesture to the others to keep their seats. "Hold on, everyone. I'll be right back. I have to go check on something."

I run to my bag and randomly start pulling things out. After pulling out 10 or so various items, I find the ideal dessert. I toss the unneeded supplies back in my yellow bag and gather the rest in my arms. I arrive back in the circle and place the food stuffs on the ground.

My friends look at me in surprise, especially Shippo, who lands next to the food. "Kagome- what is this stuff?"

I wink and give him a bright smile. "This, minna, is dessert- s'mores to be exact. First, you roast a couple of the marshmallows on a stick." I hold up one of the bags. "Then, you take a graham cracker and a couple pieces of chocolate and make a sandwich with all three ingredients." They look a little uneasy. "No trust me- it's really good."

I find a bunch of slightly green sticks and hand them out with the marshmallows. I glance at the cooking fire, now completely surrounded by my friends. I hold my marshmallows down next to the white hot ashes and patiently turn them so that they may become a uniform golden brown.

Sango decides to follow my lead, but the others had their own plans. Kaede decides that she would like to eat the s'more without roasting her marshmallows and Miroku and Inuyasha are holding their white balls of sugary fluff near the licking flames. I sigh and predict what will happen and I was quickly rewarded with a curse. Inuyasha's marshmallows are on fire- there's a surprise. Shippo begins laughing so hard that his marshmallows accidentally catch on fire as well.

I laugh at them both and through my giggles, I tell them to eat them as is. "Don't you worry, guys. Just blow out the fire and make your s'more." I laugh even harder. "I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but most of the guys I know love to eat their s'mores with blackened marshmallows. They are just too impatient to bother with actual roasting. Most girls do that too, as a matter of fact. Ahh, yes, even Kisho does it. He was the one who introduced them to me. He deliberately catches them on fire and says that he prefers them blackened but I think that he's crazy. He can be such a pyromaniac sometimes, ok not really, but I tease him about it." I throw my smile into the coloring, evening sky.

Inuyasha practically chokes on his s'more and everyone else delicately puts down their desserts to stare at me. Miroku looks down from his roasting spot. "Kagome-sama, if you'll excuse us, please tell us who Kisho is."

I sweatdrop and roll my eyes in disgust. Checking my marshmallows, I am pleased to find that they are perfectly golden now. I pull them away from the fire and get up from my kneeling position so I can make my s'more and answer everyone's burning questions. "He's my boyfriend of course. You guys are seriously having some memory lapses." They all nod, but become very silent. Inuyasha looks down and stops doing anything for a moment. After a few seconds, he mutters a barely audible keh as he tries to brush off his reaction. The fire crackles in the cooling air and we move closer to the fire to counteract the coolness of the spring night. I look up at the almost completely full moon accompanied by the twinkling stars. I think that I understand why people made up stories about the stars. I continue to think and eat a few s'mores along with the rest. Suddenly, my vision blurs and a wave of heavy lethargy takes over my body. _I did not get very much sleep last night, so why should I be surprised?_ "Ok, everyone, I am feeling rather tired. Please don't take it personally, but I need to go to bed to rest." They all nod. I stand up and sway as my legs refuse to carry me. Being stubborn, I force my limbs to obey me and go a couple of steps before the power of my will fails. A pathetic cry betrays me as I fall. I can hear them running towards me, but I am out before they reach me.

Inuyasha picks Kagome up in his arms and carries her into Kaede's house. His lip twitches but he tries not to look down at the young woman that he cradles close to his heart. Gently, he puts her on top of her sleeping bag before retiring to the nearest corner to watch over her.

That's it for this chapter. Please review and stay tuned for Part 11: Someone to watch over me!


	11. Pt 11: Someone to Watch over Me

Hey yes- I'm back… amazing isn't it?

Thank you's-

Creativity- I don't know why you got left out a few chapters ago but I wanted to thank you for your kind encouragement. It really means a lot to me and I'm sorry it got left out for some odd reason.

Celyia- Thank you! I'm gonna go back and make sure that changes in perspective are slightly better marked. These past couple of chapters I uploaded the other day… the site was just not letting me put them up the way I had originally written them- actually it was supposed to be one chapter but I couldn't get the site to upload the whole thing- it kept cutting bits off so I made two chapters and redefined style and it finally got uploaded.

d- I'm so glad that you enjoyed it.

(Of course as ever) Angelstars and Classic Cowboy- Thank you, thank you, thank you! Here's another little chapter for you… and the others too… and Angelstars, there's a very short retribution at the end.

prostrates self on the floor before all the reviewers I'm not worthy; I'm not worthy!

_Previously on Impurity of Selfishness:_

Inuyasha picks Kagome up in his arms and carries her into Kaede's house. His lip twitches but he tries not to look down at the young woman that he cradles close to his heart. Gently, he puts her on top of her sleeping bag before retiring to the nearest corner to watch over her.

**Pt 11- Someone to watch over me**

"There's a saying old, says that love is blind. Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find." So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind. Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet. He's the big affair I cannot forget. Only man I ever think of with regret. I'd like to add his initial to my monogram. Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb? There's a somebody I'm longin' to see- I hope that he, turns out to be someone who'll watch over me. I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood- I know I could, always be good to one who'll watch over me. Although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome to my heart he carries the key. Won't you tell him please to put on some speed, follow my lead, oh, how I need someone to watch over me."- George Gershwin, Someone to Watch over Me (I like this song. sigh Did you really think I would use another quote other than this?)

Gracefully, Inuyasha lowers himself to the floor and sits down. Leaning against the wall, he watches his charge. A striking pain stabs him from the inside out as his eyes mentally hold the woman in his arms. Without realizing it, he stretches his arms out in her direction. When he discovers this, he pulls his shaking limbs in towards his chest. He sighs and looks at his hand, remembering the warm moments when he held her hand. Slowly, he closes his fingers to more fully grasp the memory. No warning comes to alert him, but his consciousness becomes fully consumed with thoughts… of Kagome. Trying desperately to think about something else, anything else, he stares into the low burning fire.

Kaede walks in and takes a look at Kagome. Muttering that there is no other treatment but to wait until she wakes up, she glances at Kagome's silent protector. The hanyou does not acknowledge her, nor does she force him to speak. She quickly, but purposefully, wraps the young girl in her sleeping bag. Kaede sighs briefly and shakes her head. Her mission finished, she nods at him and walks back outside.

Unable to control the direction of his mind, Inuyasha begins mentally bashing himself. _What was I doing today? I was angry at Kagome for acting so strangely towards me, but funny, I could not get mad at her… after I saw her and looked into her eyes. Sheesh, I don't know what possessed me at that point. All I wanted… was to touch her and to know that she was real. No, it was more than that- I wanted her to know that I was real. _He shakes his head with a keh. _I should have flown into blind fury when she mocked me, but instead I knelt before her and held her hand? At that moment that our flesh connected, I felt… peace._

He shrugs his shoulders and has an urge to bang his head on the wall. _Kikyo… I saw her and I did not break my connection with Kagome. I was not prepared to touch Kagome again, but I did… and I could not let go that easily. Kikyo came to see me and to give me a present… but all I could think about was Kagome! A couple years ago, not too long after this issue first came up, I decided not to waver anymore. I made my decision, but here I am, hurting the people closest to me, again. How do they put up with me? They really shouldn't put up with me sometimes, but still they do and laugh it off just by saying that we are friends and that is enough to make everything alright._

_Now I know that friends can forgive each other… and it is part of the trust. I could not trust in the first place but now I can easily forgive? In that moment, I forgave Kagome for everything that she did, despite not knowing why she did it. Surely I should feel something more- perhaps a tiny bit of fear that it might happen again, but even if it happens again, I'll forgive her. _

_Kagome's eyes were different than they were when she attacked me. Instead of being full of mocking, they were again full of calm innocence. Tonight, her eyes were not those of a woman who could hurt someone. More than that, she looked as if she did not remember any of it. Maybe she has amnesia and has forgotten what happened. _He thinks more deeply about this. _Wait a second- she did accuse Miroku and Sango of having memory lapses. Maybe she doesn't remember…_

His heart drops. _Wait, Inuyasha. She has not forgotten her boyfriend… her boyfriend- the guy that she loves? She has never mentioned him to me._ His stomach turns and his heart aches in response. In his mind's eye, he sees a faceless Kisho holding Kagome in his protective arms and bending down to kiss her warm, sweet lips. Inuyasha shudders but the daydream continues. He imagines Kisho and Kagome going to that school of hers together and then eating dinner with Kagome's family. Instead of Souta looking up to Inuyasha, Kagome's younger brother plays games and falls all over Kisho. Looking at her true love, Kagome's eyes are filled with the light of pure joy. Inuyasha shifts his position and breaks out of his sad musings. _She was so happy when she talked about him and I don't care enough about her to share her joy? This world of danger and war- this is not her world. She will return home, to her love, to her family- return to where she belongs. I… care about her and I want her to be happy. No, she could not possibly be happy leaving her family and Kisho behind with only the purpose of staying here with me, umm, of staying with us._

The darkness from outside the house matches the painful doubt in his mind and heart. Cold and empty, he longs to hold on to something, but there is nothing. The icy tentacles of shame close around his mind. _I should be ashamed of myself. I have no claim on Kagome; I never have. Yet, I was holding onto her and wishing to share her warmth…_ He flinches… _without renouncing my declared love for Kikyo. Meanwhile, Kagome has no feelings for me, but instead loves someone who suits her much better than I ever could!_ He quietly pounds his hand on the floor. _At least, I can still hold on to my love for Kikyo- it is real; it exists, unlike a relationship with Kagome. Tonight I acted as if I was insane- I hope Kagome can forgive me._ Suddenly feeling brave enough to look at her, Inuyasha turns his head and realizes that she has not moved at all. After glancing at his hand again, he realizes that the other one from whom he needs forgiveness is Kikyo.

_I could not save Kikyo fifty years ago because of my own selfishness and doubt. I blame Naraku- and I should because he tricked us- but the ending might have been different if I could have trusted her. When she was revived, Kikyo had a right to feel anger towards me even if she had known the truth about Naraku. If I had acted differently, she might not be as different, as dark and lost as she is now._ His heart cries silent tears that burn in his chest. _I hurt the ones that I love the most; maybe I should not love at all… that would be better for everyone. Regardless, I allowed Kikyo to get involved in my life and I know now that there really is no road backwards. Her soul cuts deeply into me with love; we are bound by love… and I indirectly destroyed her. I owe her my life for that betrayal, ignorant though I was or not. I am obligated to protect Kikyo and... I want to- I guess. I do love her and so that is worth it- even hell is worth it- I must keep my agreement._

_Now, I must protect Kagome as well as Kikyo- protect Kagome from myself and from Kikyo, but how?_ His brain jumps into a higher gear as he tries to remember that day when Kikyo stole the large jewel from around Kagome's neck. _Did Kikyo really try to kill Kagome? If I hadn't appeared… I do not want to think about it. Kikyo admitted it; it must be true. How should I react?_ He thinks for a moment and has an epiphany. _By keeping my promise to Kikyo, I can indirectly protect Kagome. I can keep my word to Kikyo and keep Kikyo from hurting Kagome! Oh I am glad that I can keep my promise now that there isn't a problem... and I'm admitting that Kagome was a problem in my relationship with Kikyo?_ His brow furrows in thought. _That's right, but if Kagome is Kikyo's reincarnation- what if I mess up Kagome's life too? Would she also be condemned to a similarly depressing existence- whether that is trying to drag me into hell or maybe even something worse? What could be worse- oh let's not go there._

_No, I don't want that to happen to Kagome too. That is why I should be rejoicing with Kagome instead of feeling the way I do._ Green jealousy taints his vision and his eyes open wide in recognition. _I am jealous, as I was when Kouga called Kagome his woman, but this feels much worse._ He frowns and fidgets, returning to his examination of the fire. _Oh Kagome, was it like this for you when you saw Kikyo and I together, when you saw her kiss me? She does not care about me that way, so it couldn't have that affect on her. Instead, she might have felt embarrassed… and that's what it must have been and I had the audacity to think it was her jealousy, her love for me. Oh I am so conceited to assume such ridiculous things! Did I really want her to love me? If I did… but I definitely didn't… oh but if I did want her to love me, I shouldn't have._

A gentle knock brings him outside of himself. Without a sound, Miroku beckons for him to join the rest of the group in the open air. Inuyasha throws one last lingering and protective glance at Kagome before he nods and surrenders his watch with obvious reluctance. He closes the flap between them so that Kagome cannot hear them. As he sees the looks on his friends' faces, he feels slightly annoyed.

Miroku puts his hand on Inuyasha's shoulder and sighs. "Inuyasha, I'm sorry that I had to call you away from Kagome-sama's side, but we all need to talk- about the Shikon no Kakera that we heard about tonight. We should go get it, but the question is: should we take Kagome-sama with us?"

Sango takes a small step closer to the hanyou and speaks with an apologetic undertone in her voice. "Inuyasha, we're sorry that we didn't tell you, but…"

Inuyasha rages and interrupts Sango. "Tell me what, bitch? You didn't tell me that Kagome has a boyfriend and that you were all keeping it from me for over a year?" He mockingly mimics Sango's voice by heightening the pitch of his voice. "No offense, Inuyasha but she didn't mind everyone else knowing about someone that important to her…" His voice returns to normal. "Everyone except me..." His ears droop and his eyes lightly flash a tiny bit of vulnerability, a feeling that was not unnoticed by his observant friends.

Sango narrows her eyes but then sighs with a shake of her head, which sends her hair flying behind her. "You really are irritable about all this, aren't you? I'd appreciate if you'd let me finish what I was going to say. She has amnesia- selective amnesia actually and doesn't remember anything that happened earlier this week after she came back from her time. Also, we have never heard of this boyfriend, this Kisho before either so don't blame us. Besides, you shouldn't care anyway because you chose Kikyo!"

Miroku pats Sango's shoulder with a smile. "Yes, she's right. But apart from all that, what do we do? Kagome-sama can see the Shikon no Kakera- none of the rest of us can. She seems fine even if she has forgotten what happened… and maybe forgetting is all for the best. Regardless, we discussed it while you were watching over Kagome-sama and we want to bring her with us to find the shard."

Inuyasha sighs and Sango continues Miroku's explanation. "After she wakes up, we're just as safe whether we bring her or not, because we're going to come back to her. If she's going to go nuts, she's going to do it no matter where she is and we could use her abilities. It seems unlikely that she'll lose her mind because now she seems fine and normal, except for the boyfriend addition."

"Keh, that's fine with me. We need to go get the thing before Naraku does find out about it. I just hope that she's feeling better in the morning so we can go."

Sango nods. "Yes, we all want Kagome-chan to feel better, Inuyasha."

He nods in response and takes this as his time to return to Kagome's side. They give him sad smiles as they head off to bed. Lost in thought, Inuyasha returns to his seat in the corner. _Amnesia- she doesn't remember any of it. It's a good thing that I wasn't mad at her. Still, it makes her more dangerous than if she were completely insane all the time- we'll never know for sure which Kagome she is until she acts. There's no way to protect ourselves. We have to protect ourselves from sweet, innocent Kagome? Sheesh…_

Kagome sighs in her sleep and slightly shifts her position. _I want to help her, but… I really don't know how._ He attempts to stifle a yawn as the fire crackles lower and lower. With a half-smile at Kagome, he muses. _Yes, Kagome._ _I'm tired too, but I'm here to protect you… even as everything rests._ Through his fatigue, Inuyasha itches to hold Kagome in his arms. Suddenly blushing as red as his outfit, he forcibly pushes away that thought. _Is it always going to be this hard to be near to her now knowing that she loves someone else?_ A very tired voice in the back of his mind whispers… _it shouldn't matter to you if she does. You love Kikyo; how can this truly be so difficult?_ He sighs in answer. _I don't know… I don't know anything._

His eyelids begin to close of their own accord. At the brink of his conscious mind, he imagines his relationship with Kagome from this point on. _Yes, I must protect her and watch over her, but I can't let her know… I must stay away from her. She will be happier that way; that is the way it must be. She doesn't want me. _He frowns sleepily… _I do care- that is why. I want to be close to her, so close that the word close cannot fully depict what I have in mind. Then, again, what do those feelings mean? That doesn't make sense… all I really know is that I cannot be open to her anymore. I'll protect her and be there for her and yet, I will somehow keep my sanity and my distance. Please understand Kagome. I'll be near to you and at the same time as far away as the dimmest star in the heavens. I hope that you will forgive me…_ He falls asleep in the corner, but even there in his dreams, he cannot escape his mixed feelings.

Ok no dream to be written this time around… there's a surprise I know. I love using the dream idea but I don't want to overuse it! No worries because there will be a dream in pt. 13. I know this chapter was not as long and that it was only more of Inuyasha's thoughts, but I felt that his behavior needed explanation. I'm not completely evil- of course Inuyasha's not going to be able to stay away from Kagome! His wishful thinking is commendable. Anyway, next chapter is going to be about the trip to get the Shikon no Kakera.

**Side show: more retribution**

Kagome sighs, "Here I am all passed out on the floor again. Why does everyone assume that I am always getting sick- you know all about my adventures in the Sengoku Jidai- you aren't just one of my classmates who believes ridiculous things like 'Oh Kagome has rheumatism again…'! How can you write me being quite so frail?" A nerve in Kagome's head begins to pop.

BeyondWords sweatdrops. "There's a reason; I promise. You just won't know for sure until closer to the end." Meekly holds up some Advil(don't own that either) and offers a couple. "Would you like some?" Kagome nods and inhales the red tablets. "Ok, so I'm here to get more grief from you." BeyondWords sighs. "I'm ready- shoot."

"Oh I might if I had a gun- oh just kidding. Ok, you were supposedly writing this from my perspective and now you are writing more about Inuyasha? What's up with that?"

"Well, I guess I wanted some balance and since you have amnesia, I wanted to be able to show your changes more through your actions than through pure introspection. Instead of thinking to yourself while being completely alone, I am planning to have you be interacting with everyone to induce certain thoughts to carry along the story line. Also, this story is centered around both of you- I need his thoughts too." BeyondWords nods and straightens. "So is that all?"

"Well, umm, no. You are continuing writing those superfluous words. You have freaking loooong author's notes and quotes at the beginning… do you know the meaning of concise?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. I just want to explain and tell people a little more about the chapter and coming chapter. As for the quotes, they usually try to capture part of the feel of the chapter to help people get into the mood before they read." _Hmm that sounds better than I thought…_

"Yeah but it's like commercials. They cut out 5-10 minutes out of pleasurable watching time and even worse than that, they are always louder than the show!"

"People do not have to read them. I mark a difference and so if people would rather not read the additions, then they just don't. I at least put a way around them. There is no way around commercials because they are right in the middle of the action!" BeyondWords smiles smugly. "But if you really want to keep the amount of superfluous words down, you don't have to bash my story and argue with me…"

She blushes scarlet. "Oh I guess that you're right."

BeyondWords smiles gently. "But you're right too… I'm just being a pain." They smile at each other and quietly laugh.

That's it for that, so please read and review. Part 12 coming soon… tentatively titled, "Light in the Darkness: trip for the shard"


	12. Pt 12: Light in the Darkness pt 1: journ...

Hey- I'm back. Je reviens encore une fois! Bienvenue à ma petite histoire, tout le monde! Well I can hardly believe that this is part 12- ahhh! It certainly doesn't feel like it! This was going to be the entire trip for the shard but I kept putting in other things and I wanted to go ahead and update. Instead, this chapter sets up what is going to happen in the next chaper- where the real taste of action/adventure, limited and uncharted territory though it is for me, will be. At least Kagome and Inuyasha get a chance to talk in this chapter.

Angelstars pointed out that the last chapter might have been more about IY and his fighting thoughts, instead of partially clarifying what is known in the anime. To this I can only explain thus: I see him as someone who is extremely stubborn- to the point of pushing away possibilities because of commitments. For this reason, I didn't think it would make much sense to have IY change so much immediately. Since he tends to act more on instinct than on thought, I am going to reveal his change through his irrational thought- since I am assuming his obstinate self would filter out most thought out epiphanies. My father would call this a failure of imagination…

Angelstars: As for Kagome's memory- that'll all work out in the end- and I mean the end. But you know what's funny, my sister's name is Angie(she's 31)- just a little fyi.

Classic Cowboy: Thank you for reviewing again. I am so glad that you are enjoying the little fic. Alright, I know it's not really that little anymore.

DiLLiRgA: Thanks! Yeah I love Madeleine L'Engle's works. There isn't a separate place on for fics dealing with her work and not many writers if any have tried that. I would like to write one myself but it would get lost in the bowels of the site and would never get read. frown I wanted to write something that happened after Many Waters but before a Swiftly Tilting Planet. Oh well, maybe someday!

**Pt 12- Light in the Darkness: journey/pt 1**

My eyes open and then close immediately; I am practically blinded by the bright sunlight shining through the cracks of the mat that covers the entrance to Kaede's dwelling. Muffled voices glide through all the fabric covering my head and I sigh. _Yes, it's morning, but I don't want to get up quite yet._ Savoring the feeling of warmth, safety and comfort, I squiggle down in the piece of fabric. Inhaling, I can smell the sweet scent of spring grass. _Sheesh, that sounds like a fabric softener commercial. In my mind, I can imagine that light brown teddy bear floating down next to me and inhaling the scent of my sleeping bag. Yes, I can hear his high-pitched, patronizing voice echoing through the room. Try our new scent, spring grass, and make every day smell like you've been camping in the woods._ I sweatdrop quietly. _To some people, that may actually sound romantic but in actuality, camping smells more like sweat and dirt than it does grass… you can trust me, because I have enough experience to know- more than some fluffy little flying freak._

Languorously, I stretch silently with a yawn. Delicious warmth fills my body as I snuggle ever deeper into my bed. _No, it's too comfy here- I want to stay here in bed. Don't make a sound and no one will bother you._ I close my eyes and try to appear asleep just as the flap opens and I hear scampering sounds.

"Kagome! You're awake!" Shippo's excitement makes me happy and yet at the same time, I curse his darn youkai senses. _Mothers are supposed to have eyes in the back of their heads, but having a surrogate youkai-son is completely insane- he has that edge on me. Oh well, at least I know that he would never use his youkai powers against me._ I open one eye and peer at the adorable kitsune cub sitting by my side. He wags his tail and curls up in the crook of my arm. _His tail is so soft- amazing… it's almost as fun to play with as Inuyasha's ears are… well slightly less so simply because Inuyasha's ears are off limits to me._

_Youkai and hanyou… the Sengoku Jidai is a strange world, a very different time. Where did all the youkai go in my time? They are strong so it would seem unlikely that they would all disappear. Oh no matter- I'll find out soon enough. I wonder what Shippo's parents were like… and I wonder how long he'll live. What if he is alive in my time and I don't know it? Wouldn't that be strange?_ A warm fuzzy paw starts putting gentle pressure on my arm.

"Kagome? What are you thinking about- umm, I was just wondering; you don't have to tell me if it's really personal." His ears and tail droop just a little bit. _I should realize that his feelings get hurt very easily. _I chuckle to myself a tad. _Just like me in a way… I overreact and allow my feelings to get hurt easily if someone I care about is involved._ I smile gently at him.

"Shippo-chan, calm down. Please don't jump to hasty conclusions. I'm not mad at you. Have I done something wrong?"

His eyes widen and shine. "No, of course you haven't. It's just that…"

"It's just what? Has Inuyasha been picking on you this morning already? Do you want me to punish him?"

The little fox cub shakes his head. "No, no, of course not. Inuyasha hasn't done anything. I got accused of being in the way last night… again. We were all talking about whether to take you with us and they told me that I was underfoot. So I ran off on my own." His barely audible sigh reaches my sympathetic ears.

_Sadness… I just hope I don't become Shippo's psychiatrist._ "Oh poor little Shippo-chan. I'm sorry. They were probably just tired, so don't take what they said too much to heart. Wait please- you were all talking about taking me where?"

He nods. "Alright I'll try to remember that. We were talking about taking you with us to find the Shikon no Kakera that Kikyo told Inuyasha about last night. We weren't too sure that we should take you…" Sango races in and covers up Shippo's mouth with great haste.

"Sorry, Shippo, I didn't mean to interrupt you." _Yeah, perhaps, but that's not how it appears. _I sweatdrop slightly as I sit up in bed. "We weren't sure that we should bring you because you fell ill last night. We did not want to push you if you were not completely healed and we weren't sure that you wanted to go with us. Please forgive us, but we did not want to force you." The young taijiya lets Shippo go. Without responding, he pouts and jumps onto my head. Sango watches him, but continues to speak to me. "Oh please forgive me for being so rude, Kagome-chan. How are you feeling? Did you rest well last night? We were all so worried about you. Even our obnoxious hanyou watched over you all night to make sure that you were safe."

_Yeah, yeah. So Inuyasha watched over me all night long. He had been acting weird all evening long- holding my hand and acting rude to Kikyo, his love._ I sigh and nod. "Thank you, Sango-chan. I am feeling much better- I'm feeling 100 better." At the point, Miroku glides in silently and nods to me as he stands next to Sango. I nod to him as well. "Inuyasha watched over me? That's strange… but no stranger than he had been treating me all evening long." Sango and Miroku give each other a covered glance.

Miroku clears his throat. "Please, Kagome-sama, forgive Inuyasha for that. He has been dealing with some difficult stuff recently. Of course, he does care about you and naturally, he wanted you to be better so you could come with us."

"To help locate the Shikon no Kakera, yeah, I know. He's so impatient sometimes. Inuyasha no baka!"

"That is not the only reason, Kagome-sama."

I wave my hand to shrug off his objection. "It doesn't matter whether it is or not. I want to come. I am tired of being around this village- I would like to get out for a little taste of adventure. Besides, I am happy when I can help you guys in any way, no matter how seemingly insignificant."

The worried look in Miroku's eyes begins to fade but does not disappear. "Are you sure that you want to come with us? Are you sure that you are really feeling up to coming?"

I roll my eyes. _I appreciate the concern but I am not a china doll!_ "Yes I am sure, Miroku-sama. You see- I am also hoping that it will help to bring my memory back. I really hate not remembering what I did."

They both stare at me for a moment before nodding and murmuring something about breakfast being ready outside. A split-second after they leave the dwelling, Kaede walks in and sits down next to me.

"Good morning, Kaede-baa-chan. How are you feeling?"

She softly smiles and nods. "Good morning to you too, Kagome-chan. I'm feeling about as well as I can expect to feel- thank you for asking. How are you feeling this beautiful morning? You seem to be feeling quite a bit better, unless my old eyes are failing me."

I giggle. "Yes, I am feeling much, much better. I don't know what came over me."

She blinks. "Of course you wish to go with them to find the Shikon no Kakera?"

With a frustrated smile and nod, I agree. "Yes, I would love to go. I keep hoping that it might help bring my memory back to me. What do you think?"

"It's possible. If you feel as if you should go, I should certainly not stop you. They do need you more than you know, Kagome-chan. You have more power than you think you do."

"You are very kind, Kaede-baa-chan- too kind actually. Please don't mix me up with Kikyo- I'm not like her. I may indeed be her reincarnation but that does not mean that I have her powers."

"Perhaps, but do not underestimate yourself, Kagome-chan. You are correct that you are not my sister, but you have plenty of your power if you dare to look for it, deep within your heart. Go with your instincts is all the advice that I can give you at this point. If you doubt yourself, you will be unable to accomplish the task that you attempt. Trust and have faith in yourself. Fear is the opposite of faith. I have faith in you as you are, Kagome-chan. Good luck." The older miko walks out and allows me to dress myself in peace.

I stand up and stretch. Looking down, I realize that my school uniform is completely wrinkled and covered with dirt. _Oh that must have happened when I fell._ I sigh and walk over to my bag_. I better wear something else or I am going to single-handedly defeat the youkai when it bursts into fits of uncontrollable laughter at my ragged appearance._ I shake my head and begin searching through my bag_. I knew I put a couple extra outfits in this bag when I left! _

Finally, I pull out a simple v-necked forest green dress. With a few quick tugs, I yank off my school uniform, which of course had doubled as a nightgown. Hugging the long-sleeved green dress to myself, I spin around a couple of times. _Ahh… my new dress that I bought with Mom... it's so pretty. I haven't even gotten a chance to wear it yet. We decided that I needed something else to wear when I was back in this time fighting with everyone._ I grin and tear the price tag off the dress before pulling it over my head. _Sweet- it still fits perfectly!_ Happily laughing, I spin once more and grab my new shoes and socks before I dash out the door. Smirking to myself, I try to imagine everyone's reaction. _Nope, no time for that now- no daydreaming. Let's go!_

The sun shines brightly in the clear, blue sky. I grin as I shade my eyes; it was darker in the house and my eyes need a moment to adjust to the change. Unlike yesterday, which was foggy and mysterious, today is bright and happy. Nothing bad could happen today, at least that is how it appears. I hope this means that we will have good luck on our little mission. Gently, I lift up my heart in an unspoken prayer for our collective safety and success.

Once outside, I see everyone except Inuyasha resting near the door. _Oops- they were obviously waiting for me. That's right- the main event is here… ok maybe not._ Regardless, they all look at me as if I was the main attraction. Their eyes overflow with concern, happiness and curiosity. _I am so lucky to have such wonderful, caring friends. Even our tempestuous Inuyasha definitely has his moments…_ _I wonder what kind of mischief he's getting himself into right now. I bet that he'll be happy- we are going to destroy some demon. He may not be here right this second but I bet that he will appear soon and try and make me hurry through breakfast so that we can leave._

I look around and almost expect Inuyasha to pounce at that moment, but he doesn't. Instead, the rest of the gang greets me. Sango, who has already changed into her black, pink and red taijiya outfit, sits down next to me. "I like your dress, Kagome-chan. Is it new?"

I smile. "Yeah, it is. I know it's a little different."

Miroku closes his eyes and nods. "Yeah, it's not as short as your other outfit."

I sweatdrop. "Actually, that is one of the best things about it. It's only one inch above my knee and is therefore much better for running and fighting." He does not respond. _Sheesh, you would think that he'd be used to long skirts. Now, women normally wear ankle-length dresses, not mini-skirts._ I shake my head and pull on my socks and shoes.

Sango nods. "I agree with you, Kagome-chan. You said that the other outfit was your school uniform."

"Of course it is and everyone's skirt is the same length. The main difference is that we don't run around and fight youkai while in school."

"Uh right, of course, Kagome-chan.." She peers down at my shoes. "Um, please forgive me, but I really want to know…"

Shippo runs towards my foot and pounces on my shoe. "Yeah, Kagome. What on Earth is this thing?" He pokes at it and bounces on it for a moment before hiding behind my leg.

_Sheesh, I thought that they might be impressed, not afraid. This is kind of embarrassing. _"These are my new shoes. We wear these shoes when we play sports and exercise. They are called tennis shoes. Well technically they are cross-trainers, but let's not go there."

Miroku kneels down next to the white leather shoes and glances at them. "So these are the shoes that you wear when you are physically active?"

I sigh in relief. "Yes, that's right. It'll keep me from twisting my ankle and hurting my leg when I run, jog, etc. Mom decided that it was time that I take care of myself when I go out fighting with you guys. On TV, I have seen that Americans wear tennis shoes more than we do. They wear shorter socks with them and so that's why I have socks that…"

Shippo interrupts, "They stop at your ankle instead of going up almost all the way to your knee." Sango lightly beats him on the head for interrupting. In response, I do not know what to do but nod and sigh.

After a few moments of silence, an exasperated voice growls from a few feet away. "Hey, if you are all done examining Kagome's feet, we should get going. We are not sure how long this is going to take." He slowly walks over to me. "Hey, are you ready yet, Kagome?" He turns to walk away but after two steps, he faces me once more with a complicated glance. His face softens along with his course voice. "I hope that you're feeling better and everything… because we, uh, might have to go a long way."

I smile and nod. Before I get a chance to say anything in response, Miroku glomps Inuyasha on the head. The long-haired hanyou glares and pouts. "Miroku, you messed up monk- what'd you do that for anyway?"

Miroku grabs one of Inuyasha's ears and drags him a few feet away. As covertly as possible, he whispers in Inuyasha's huge ear. "Did you not notice how lovely Kagome looks today in her beautiful forest green dress? You should compliment her! You spent the whole night looking after her and you can't even praise her?" Inuyasha sticks his tongue out at Miroku, who throws his hands up in frustration. The dog demon walks back over towards me and opens his mouth to speak but does not say anything. Taking a deep breath, he looks at me and takes an inventory.

"What's with the new outfit?"

"Oh do you like it?" I get up and spin a circle. "It's new. We got it so that I would be a little warmer and so that I would have something other than my school uniform to wear. I don't know why I chose this forest green, but I am growing to like it more and more the longer that I wear it."

He swallows and then looks away. "Keh, that's silly. At least you will blend in with all the green leaves." _That's about as much of a compliment as I am likely to get from Inuyasha._ He stops but does not turn around. "Hurry up and eat- we need to get going." He leaps into the nearest tree to perch and fidget while he waits.

I smile at his back as if he could see me, although I know that he can't. _He's right. I have been slow and I need to hurry up._ I quickly eat and then stand up to announce that I am ready. Everyone smiles nervously and nods. _This is just another trip to get a Shikon no Kakera, or maybe if we are lucky, more than one. _

Inuyasha walks in front of me. "You know, it would be easier if I could carry you on my back. You can sense the direction of the Shikon no Kakera and so you can tell me which direction without having to yell from Kirara's back, but that is if your boyfriend won't mind…" He looks away and I roll my eyes.

"Are you daft, Inuyasha?" His golden eyes widen and stare unbelieving and disappointedly into my own. "You silly hanyou, I asked Kisho about that ages ago and he has no problem with that. Besides, it's not as if you like me. You are just as taken as I am; you have your Kikyo and I have my Kisho. Besides, I don't see you asking Kikyo's permission unless perhaps I am the one who needs to ask her…"

His yellow eyes widen in surprise. Unaware of how he should react, he simply holds up his claws in a slightly defensive gesture. "No, no, no… not a problem. Anyway, are you ready?" He glances towards Miroku and Sango, who are both sitting on Kirara and patiently waiting for their friends. Inuyasha turns around and bends his knees to help me get on. Without a trace of anxiety, I lightly, but enthusiastically jump on and Inuyasha takes off with the fire cat on his heels.

I lean forward on his back and close my eyes. _His back is so warm. I wonder how long it will take to find the shard this time… Kikyo said it was nearby but she doesn't always define her terms. Therefore, it could be less than a day or conversely, more than ten days away. Sheesh, that is annoying. _

_Why should we praise her for giving us vague tips as a gift? At home, professors do not give out extra credit for suspense or ambiguity. Maybe that is one of the benefits of being_ _a miko._ _Well, in order to escape writing long papers, I would have to stay here in this time… forever. Kikyo- I know that you are much stronger than I am but I do not think that you could live my life any better than I could live yours. Oh well, whatever her reason or reasons are for not giving us better directions… I can't help but wonder… I know that she has to be mysterious but if she is giving him a gift, perhaps she could be just a little more practical with her presents… say give him a basic direction, timeframe or map? I just don't understand her… partly my soul or not, she's just an enigma. _

_Still, he loves her very much even though she is evidently very different than she used to be. I hope it will be that way for Kisho and I. People change and love accepts change in people, especially when it is for the best. They are part of each other now just as Kisho and I are. When I was younger, I used to believe in fairy tales or in the impossible possibilities. My heart dreamt, but I, lost within a place_ _beyond reality, missed most of the point. I know it would be presumptuous of myself to say that now I know, but perhaps I can at least say that I know now a bit more than I did before… and I know that I possess less knowledge than I thought I did. For these and many other things, I thank Kisho from the bottom of my heart._

"Kagome? Hey you- Kagome? Can you hear me back there?"

"Oh yes I can. I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I was just randomly thinking…" _I bet he's narrowing his eyes at me. I can't blame him- I should postpone my random thoughts._

"Yeah well somewhere in your random thoughts, did you remember to focus on whether you can sense any Shikon no Kakera?"

I frown. "Um, no, sorry." _I need to do that. It's my main job- depressing and more than slightly self-defeating as it may seem, it also appears correct. He doesn't always have to go after my weaknesses like that!_ "Well at least Kisho thinks I'm good for things other than finding the Shikon no Kakera!" He does not say anything. Since my arms are around his neck, I can feel him swallow hard a couple of times, but he still does not say anything in regards to my challenge. _Normally, I would have gotten something- anything from a keh to hmph or any other non-answer._

Finally, he answers me. "I think you are good at other things, Kagome. I just wanted to know if you had any directions for me- that's all. I'm sorry to barge in and accuse you…" _Oh I feel sorry for him. He said that he was sorry- is there something wrong with him?_

"Inuyasha- you just said that you were sorry? Do you have a fever or something? Besides, I have no right to tease you- you were correct. I wasn't thinking about the shards and that is one of the reasons that I came with you guys. I should not have made fun of you but I assumed that you would just make fun of me instead, as you usually do." _We all know that he's pretty touchy sometimes. He's course and obnoxious, but he has a good heart on the inside. He cared enough to look after me and he always protects me from danger- as much as he can and whenever Kikyo is not involved._ "Inuyasha, I did not get a chance to thank you."

He clears his throat. "Uh, thank me for what?"

"Thank you for watching over me last night- the others told me that you did that. It was very kind and considerate of you. You were there for me when I needed you."

"Well Kisho couldn't do it, so I figured that I should do that for him. He would never forgive me if I had not."

"Oh have you met him yet, Inuyasha? I wasn't sure but it would make sense considering that he's always hanging around the shrine."

"Well, no, but you know. I just figured…"

"Yes, I think that I understand, Inuyasha." After I say that, I feel a tingle in my heart. _I do understand, but I don't know everything. It's more a spiritual thing, as if I can feel him in my heart. Isn't that weird? The only one I have been able to have a spiritual connection with is Kisho- and they have very little in common._ A shiver runs through my body as I can feel the warmth from a glowing Shikon no Kakera directly in front of us. My thoughts gone and the connection broken, I shake my head and forget. "Hey- the shard is directly ahead!"

"Alright, I guessed correctly. Something is finally going right for a change! Let's go!" He gestures to the others to continue their course and to speed up.

After leaping a few more miles in comfortable silence and growing anticipation, we finally arrive. From a glance, the village appears normal, smaller than Kaede's but not completely puny. The inhabitants mill around with varying degrees of purpose through their little town. As we come closer, I can see mixed looks of blank shock and grudging acceptance on the faces of the wandering villagers.

Inuyasha lands gently on his feet and I silently step down from his back as I examine our surroundings. Just behind us, Kirara leaps into view with Sango, Miroku and Shippo. An almost-tangible wave of unease passes through our hearts, but we are here. I encouragingly smile at my companions and walk over to the nearest villager.

Waving candidly, I greet the poor, but well-kept woman. "Good day madam. How do you do?" Meanwhile, Sango, Miroku and Inuyasha watch from a distance and allow me to begin the introductions. Even farther back in the shadows of the trees, Shippo and Kirara wait patiently.

The village woman looks me up and down and then inspects the others with a slightly raised eyebrow. I barely nod to them and consequently, Sango and Miroku glide over to us without a word. Turning back to face me, the woman smiles sadly and shakes her head. "Greetings and welcome to you, young woman." She nods in greeting at Sango and Miroku. "You and your friends are here for the Shikon no Kakera, are you?"

_She does not look anxious about us taking the shard, but there seems to be more underneath the surface. Should I tell her? Why lie? The truth is the truth._ I nod. "Yes, we are. Do you hold it within the village?"

She does not respond either way but examines Miroku and Sango. "Houshi-sama, you are welcome here and you, miss," she says as she looks at Sango, "you are a taijiya, maybe?" Sango nods in surprise. "Yes, taijiya-san, I saw your clan exterminate a youkai around these parts once. I recognize your outfit." _She is older than she appears; I think._ Peering at Inuyasha, Shippo and Kirara, she nods to herself. "Mmm, those two are youkai and he," she points at Inuyasha, "is a hanyou?" We acquiesce as she glances in my direction. Her eye stops when she sees my bow and arrows. With admiration, she smiles at me. "You are a miko, aren't you, miss? Well that will be interesting to see. It will be a nice change. Perhaps it will be enough. Tell me, dear, why do you seek the Shikon no Kakera?"

"I am a miko, but I do not seek to use the Shikon no Tama as you may suspect; I only wish to protect it from the youkai and humans who would try to use it." Her brown eyes conceal a bit of disbelief. _It does sound more than a little crazy; I'm sure._ "We are a strange group; I know, but please, I beg you- can you help us?"

With an air of cloaked sadness, she sighs. "I cannot help you much, but I will tell you what I know. A few months ago, we protected a couple of Shikon no Kakera in our village shrine. You see, our miko passed away and could obviously no longer protect the shards. The threat gone, the youkai in the area began to attack us in hopes of obtaining the shards, but we had many fine warriors. Then, our warriors began to disappear and one of them, took the Shikon no Kakera with them. Since that time, many have tried to defeat the youkai but all have failed and disappeared. What I can tell you is that if you go about a half a mile in the direction you were going, you will run into the youkai's barrier."

Inuyasha's ears perk up and he smiles. Quickly, he dashes over, grabs my arm and begins to drag me along with him. "K, that's great. Let's go!"

The woman looks at me and yells after us as we go, "Good luck!" I yell thank you in return but I am not sure that she could hear it. _Darn him, why couldn't he have been more polite? I guess that was enough information for Inuyasha._ To myself, I chuckle softly enough that even his ears cannot hear me. _Oh well, that is how he is- and it is done. Maybe someday Kikyo will find a way to teach him a few manners._

The aforementioned hanyou races off to the barrier with me in tow. As we see the shining dark purple light of the barrier, he lets go of my arm, which almost makes me fall on my rear. Luckily, I manage to stay on my feet- thanks to the addition of my new shoes. Gratefully, I profusely thank my mom in my mind before watching Inuyasha with a sigh. The ever-enthusiastic Inuyasha takes out his precious Tetsusaiga, makes it transform from its pathetic state to its real appearance and gracefully points it at the barrier. As he concentrates, the blade glows orange-red as the white winds wrap themselves gracefully around the full length of the magnificent sword. I can hear his low growl and see his fangs glisten from the slight distance.

A split second later, he unleashes himself at the obstruction with his tangled, but still beautiful hair flying behind him. A vision of blurred red and white, Inuyasha yells Kaze no Kizu and extinguishes the barrier. As the force field falls, the hanyou who is smiling with glee, dashes forward in barely concealed triumph with the rest of us chasing after him as fast as we possibly can. The barrier now down for good, I can feel an immense amount of jyaki emanating from the center of the barrier. As I glance back and forward, I can tell that the others have also felt the overwhelming amount of evil energy.

When we arrive, several warriors come out of nowhere and begin to attack us. With condescending words of challenge, the warriors mock Inuyasha for being a weak hanyou. Growling with uncontrollable rage, Inuyasha, who is spoiling for a fight, goes after them with eyes that burn with hatred. His demon blood held in check by the Tetsusaiga, he remains himself, but still forgets that the warriors are humans and are only being used. _That's Inuyasha- he looses it whenever anyone provokes him. Of course, that's a combination of instinct and habit, so I can't blame him too much. He has protected himself this far, after all. _

Still, I sigh and shake my head. I yell at him from my place so that he can hear me. "Inuyasha, stop that right now!" His ears flicker and so I know that he hears me, but he only increases the power of his attacks on his enemies. A nerve pops in my head and I grind my teeth together a bit. _I have no choice._ "I'm sorry but I am forced to do this. Osuwari!" The hanyou forcibly hits the ground face first.

Sango and Miroku drag him back towards me so that we can all discuss a little bit of strategy. His eyes are swirly but after a moment, they return to normal. He looks at me and obstinately sticks his bottom lip out in an unmistakable pout. "Hey, what'd you do that for, wench?"

I roll my eyes as I turn to Miroku in hopes that he will explain. The monk nods. "Inuyasha, the real source of the immense jyaki that we had felt was not these humans, but the mind controlling them. There is no reason to attack them or hurt them. If you want to help them and put them out of commission, please leave it up to me." Miroku stands up and walks towards the group of warriors. Lightly muttering a prayer, he closes his eyes. He still whispers strange words, but chases all of the enemies and lightly touches his staff to each of their foreheads. After he is done, each of them falls to the ground in a deep sleep. "They will sleep until we destroy this youkai."

Out of the darkness, the youkai congratulates us on our strength. "You are very strong, oh yes- you are the first ones to break down the barrier on your own. The others I let in deliberately, so they could fulfill certain purposes for me." He walks out into the light and smiles a disgusting smile.

In response, a completely undeterred Inuyasha readies Tetsusaiga and holds it in front of him. "Keh, why do you supposedly strong youkai always use weaklings to take care of your own business? Your lack of practice and attention will be your downfall. Hand over the Shikon no Kakera and if you do not, I will destroy you, and show you the true definition of strength. That will be my pleasure."

Alright, that's it for part one. As always, I hope to update soon! Reviews are always greatly appreciated. If I could and if I knew you guys, I would bake you cookies or something. Oh well thank you and stay tuned!


	13. Pt 13: Light in the Darkness pt 2: fight

Ahh I am back and it's an action/adventure chapter- oh my gosh I am trying to write something different! Oh I guess it's not that different. I had a couple of ideas about what I wanted to happen but I wasn't sure it would be cool enough- and I really don't want it to be boring. I have this friend who has a better imagination than mine… well ok maybe not better, but let's just say that he's got more of a dark side than I do. His ideas were intriguing but I had to adapt them to make it work the way I wanted them to in the story. I'll give him credit for what he said at the end and mark some of the differences between what I did and what he suggested and try to explain why I did certain things. ;)

Here are the shoutouts for chapter 13/part 12

Angelstars: I'm so glad that you like my story enough to put it on your favs. warm fuzzy feeling But yeah, things are finally going to start taking shape in Inuyasha's mind and as for Kagome, she's just going to be confused for a really long time. That is the way that it has to be and when it happens, I will tell you guys and show you- yes this is why I had to write this as I did.

DiLLiRgA- I am so glad that you enjoyed that chapter. Yes, I am afraid that it is becoming extremely obvious who Kisho is, but oh well. You are right about the barriers in Kagome's mind, but there is a very good reason for that. Oh thank you for putting me on your fav list too- I appreciate it a lot- I really, really do.

I hope that you guys don't kill me because there is going to be some fluff in the coming chapters but I do have my reasons for that, which I will explain when I can. But here's this chapter anyway!

_Previously on Impurity of Selfishness:_

Out of the darkness, the youkai congratulates us on our strength. "You are very strong, oh yes- you are the first ones to break down the barrier on your own. The others I let in deliberately, so they could fulfill certain purposes for me." He walks out into the light and smiles a disgusting smile.

In response, a completely undeterred Inuyasha readies Tetsusaiga and holds it in front of him. "Keh, why do you supposedly strong youkai always use weaklings to take care of your own business? Your lack of practice and attention will be your downfall. Hand over the Shikon no Kakera and if you do not, I will destroy you, and show you the true definition of strength. That will be my pleasure."

**Pt 13: Light in the Darkness: fight/pt 2**

In response to Inuyasha's cocky challenge, the ugly youkai chuckles, much to the hanyou's annoyance. "This will be fun indeed, young hanyou. Yes, do not underestimate me- of course I can smell the human blood in you." Inuyasha growls and bares his fangs. Slightly amused, the demon shrugs. "No matter- you appear to have some strength even as you are. Youkai, hanyou, human- they are all the same to me. Besides, the stronger that you are, the better off I will be in the end."

Puzzled, I turn to Miroku, who is standing right beside me. "What kind of youkai is he?" Meanwhile, Inuyasha does not bother to ask any questions. As usual, he allows his anger to get the better of him and he begins slashing with the transformed fang and missing the slippery youkai each time.

Miroku looks over our opponent and sighs. "I hate to admit this, but I am not sure, Kagome-sama. It seems to be a cross between huge chimpanzee and a lizard." He holds his chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Part chimp- that is bad, because chimps are supposed to be particularly clever. His strength and his unusually strong shield might be a couple of reasons of why he is still holding out against Naraku." He nods grimly before shaking his head and turning to me. "But more importantly, Kagome-sama, where are the Shikon no Kakera?"

I close my eyes for a moment in order to focus myself. In my heart, I can feel the warmth of the glowing Shikon shards imbedded in the gargantuan body of our opponent. As soon as I sense them, I yell out to warn my hanyou friend. "Inuyasha, he has four shards." Everyone looks at me with varying degrees of shock. "Yes, I'm completely sure- he has two in each hand- so please be careful!"

The disgusting youkai looks me up and down with a chilling grin. "Ah a young miko has come- that is a nice change. I have defeated many youkai, many warriors and many monks, but so few mikos, and certainly none as beautiful as this." The youkai tries to give me a charming smile, but it only makes him appear more ugly than he seemed before. I take a step back with my disgust plainly showcased on my face. Having gotten the hint, he shrugs off my response. "Ah no matter- I would not leave you as you are regardless." He rubs his long green fingers together lightly. "I have now within my grasp a miko that can sense the Shikon no Kakera. That will be a power that I cannot wait to obtain." With heavy, unhurried steps, he begins to walk menacingly towards me. The wind changes to blow in my direction and I can smell his foul stench.

After the youkai takes a few steps, Inuyasha bravely leaps between the youkai and I. "Hey, bastard. You aren't going to do anything bad to Kagome, not while I am around!"

From the sidelines, Shippo screams his two cents. "You can't hurt Kagome! She has been sick enough lately. Yeah, that's right!" He nods like a true authority on the subject of my health. "She passes out all the time! Now, you wouldn't want to push her or get her illness- whatever it is!" The opponent youkai makes a weird, but still scary face at the kitsune and he screams and runs behind a tree. Silently, I sweatdrop. _I am not sick; I appreciate the concern but you guys can get a little extreme sometimes._

Suddenly I flare up in anger. "Shut up, you guys! I am not that sick. I am glad that you care about my health and safety, but geez! You don't need to go that far!"

Inuyasha, who is busy blocking the youkai's attacks, comments. "Hey, Kagome- can't we talk about this later?" He grins and prepares to tease me. "And shouldn't you prepare yourself? You are here to fight with us now aren't you? Keh, stupid woman," he smartly comments with a wink and a smile. _Oh he thinks that he is so strong and brilliant! He really gets on my nerves sometimes- especially when he's right._ I sigh. _Oh but I can't let him know that he got to me._ I ready my bow and arrows without another word.

Miroku and Sango whisper back and forth during this exchange, but a few seconds later, Miroku breaks out of the huddle and calls out to the youkai. "Excuse me, but what did you mean that you would obtain Kagome-sama's powers?"

The youkai looks at Miroku with a condescending glance. "Oh houshi, you have not heard of that? I thought that you might have in your extensive training. How sad to know that they do not properly prepare you nowadays. Well, listen up and I'll become your sensei for a quick moment." Miroku glares up at his "sensei," but the youkai does not bother to comment on this. Instead, he distractedly begins the lesson. "Good, now, I have the power to take other youkai, hanyou and humans into my body and take their powers for my own."

Miroku does not look impressed. "Yes that may be true; however, Naraku also has that power- why do you feel so special? Do you even know who Naraku is?"

The youkai looks slightly offended. "Of course, he's a dear friend of mine. I met him about 40 years ago and at that time he taught me how to absorb other lifeforms. Since then, I have perfected the technique beyond his crude instructions so that I may absorb only the power of the enemies and leave the bodies free for me to control. Naturally, he wants to consume me- that is one of the reasons he taught me the technique…" The horrifying demon rolls his yellow and brown streaked eyes. "But unfortunately for Naraku, I prefer autonomy. Due to my innovative improvements, I do not need to create detachments. Then, I am not a hanyou like he is either. Still for a hanyou, he is rather powerful. Shall I make the assumption that you also know Naraku? No, it is more than that, is it not? From the sound of it, you wish to destroy him."

Inuyasha responds. "Keh, of course we want to destroy him, idiot."

The youkai shrugs. "I do not care if you do or not. I have no desire to be connected with him, so naturally I do not have any concern over his existence or non-existence." _Hey- he knows Naraku- do you think that he might have some faint idea of where Naraku went since he has disappeared? He just might…_ I look at Miroku, who is obviously thinking the same thing.

The monk in purple regards the youkai with calm, questioning eyes. "We are indeed trying to destroy Naraku for many reasons which are irrelevant to you but if you are indeed a friend of Naraku's do you by any chance know where he went? We know for a fact that since he mysteriously disappeared, all the youkai that used to be somewhat subdued by his presence have come out the woodwork. All attempts we have made so far to find him have been shall we say unsuccessful?"

Inuyasha jumps into the conversation before the chimp/lizard youkai has a chance to respond. "Keh, Miroku- that's ridiculous! If that worthless hair detachment of his did not know, why on Earth should some huge hairy old friend of his know? But if you do know, tell us now before we destroy you! Your cooperation will be noted."

The youkai looks somewhat amused. "My cooperation will be noted? Oh you are so kind to ask me to give up. More than that- I should tell you now? My, my, my aren't we demanding, hmmm? Unfortunately for you, I have no idea where Naraku is at the moment, and frankly, I have no desire to know the answer. You will not either when you are dead. Of course, you have no prayer in defeating me, so it really does not matter if I know or not." Miroku, Sango and I give each other an unimpressed glance. _Yeah we have heard that so many times. You think that they could leave it out or think of other ways of saying it. I am so sick of hearing that kind of garbage. Still, it does make it slightly more fun when we triumph over the moronic youkai. Hmm, tradeoffs…_The youkai happily continues his speech and sounds as if he is speaking at a garden party instead of throwing superfluous words around in the middle of battle. "So, enough harmless chit-chat, I suppose, do you not agree, little hanyou? Aren't you going to allow your little human friends to fight with you or do you refuse their help? You are going to need it," the creature politely informs him.

In response, Inuyasha growls ever louder and louder. His shorter hairs are practically sticking straight up in the air with pure anger. Sango and Miroku look at each other and run forward. _Yes they want to fight; they know how- unlike me. I do not know exactly what I am supposed to do. Sango has Hiraikotsu and Kirara._ A soft voice inside whispers… _You have your purity arrow. They might need it; after all, this appears to be a strong opponent. Can you imagine how many people and youkai this enemy has taken into himself? Remember what happened when you shot your purity arrow at Naraku and seriously wounded him. You may be the best person to fight this youkai, instead of the worst. Don't doubt yourself so much- especially when your friends all believe in you_. I consider my own advice and sigh. _Yeah I know- you are right._

I look back to the battle and watch Inuyasha continually try to slash the enemy, but still failing with each and every swing of Tetsusaiga. The youkai even catches the glistening fang as if it was nothing and forcefully tosses it away. The sword with its tuft of fur at the hilt detransforms to its pathetic and dormant state. As Inuyasha scrambles to retrieve his father's gift so that he will not fight without it and lose his mind, Sango throws Hiraikotsu at the hands of the youkai, but the stubborn opponent easily blocks it, grabs it and throws in the opposite direction. She looks completely shocked and so does not move for a few moments. Very few could parry Tetsusaiga and block Hiraikotsu with trouble, let alone with ease.

Miroku scowls and looks at his left hand. "I wish that I could use my Kazanna but then I would take the shards with him and I can't do that. I guess that I will do what I can." He runs at the youkai and meanwhile Sango dashes to her boomerang weapon.

By this time, Inuyasha has reached his sword and made it transform to its previous state of shiny, sharp magnificence. Miroku and the half demon begin somewhat coordinated attacks on their opponent. A half-minute later, Sango joins the guys with Kirara. As I watch their growing fighting sprits, I realize that I must fight with them. Although I already have readied an arrow in my bow, I point it down toward the bright green spring grass.

As I put my mind towards battle, my consciousness is consumed by a partial trance. Without realizing what I am doing, I reach out to the fighting spirits. I can feel the blinding courage from Inuyasha's stubborn mind, the reluctant but not hesitant concentration of Miroku and Sango's almost psychically coordinated attacks with Kirara. Beyond that, I can feel the unthreatened, condescending power from the attacking youkai. As I slip deeper into the well of my instincts, I begin to see some pictures and hear some of the thoughts of our enemy. I see horrible possibilities.

As the sun goes down over the day, there is no wind, for the purple barrier stops anything from entering the area that is now our graveyard. No, this is not our grave, but perhaps I wish that it were. At least, may I die while still being me, while being Kagome? Our fallen but still living shells surround the youkai, who sips our strength and will away from us. All of us lay unmoving and unconscious inside dark green bubbles, somewhat like the bubbles that the frog youkai use in order to save souls so that they may devour them. Soon after, the youkai turns to the barrier, which falls to Kikyo's commanding touch. My soul flies into her shell where it shall reside forever. I cease to be. A flash of blue lightening cracks over the sky. We are all blinded as we awaken to pseudo-life. After the light fades, I see all of us fighting for the youkai as he has obviously taken over our minds and bodies. Naraku consumes our now-master, takes all the Shikon no Kakera as we lay as corpses under a blackening sky. His maniacal grin would disturb us if we were still ourselves. With a burst of power, he fuses all the Shikon no Kakera together and holds the completed Shikon no Tama in his hand. Behind a tree, Kikyo waits to bring him to his doom as the entire world shudders in fear.

The horrible pictures fade and I can see reality again. An ironic voice in my head asks… _What is real? How much time was I out? It only seems as if I missed a split-second of the battle._ Miroku and Sango are on the ground; Inuyasha again readies Tetsusaiga. The demon laughs quietly before shooting dark green poison from his hands and aiming it directly at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha laughs as he dodges but before I can warn him, the poison follows his quick motions and spouts fingers to grab Tetsusaiga from Inuyasha's firm grasp. Naturally, the half dog demon is unwilling to let go of the Tetsusaiga, his only hope of subduing his strong demonic blood. The youkai smiles and makes the poison reach out and encircle the entire body of the hanyou with the Tetsusaiga still in his firm grasp. With a cocky grin, Inuyasha tries to slice the bubble with his sword but finds that his swing has no effect.

Miroku watches his friend and worriedly calls out, "Inuyasha, do not use Kaze no Kizu. If it does not penetrate the barrier, you will destroy yourself. We will get you out of there."

Still in my half-trance, I speak to them. "He is being possessed by the youkai just like the warriors were. His powers will be drained from him along with his will and soul. Miroku-sama, the poison is related to that of Naraku's bees, so you cannot use your Kazanna at all with this opponent. Sango-chan, you are connected to Hiraikotsu, are you not? If the demon holds it with his poison, he can subdue you enough to put you in a bubble as well. Please do not try." All of a sudden, these words attract the attention of the youkai. He conjures a strong wind and blows Miroku, Sango and Kirara into trees in order to knock them out or make them stop attacking for a moment.

"Miko, you are, as I had suspected, the only real opponent for me. Still, I am impressed that you were able to catch my thoughts. I put up barriers but you managed to get around them easily. I am very impressed with your abilities." Meanwhile, Inuyasha begins raging in his cage as he begins to lose both his demonic power and his human self. Over and over, he begins shouting Kagome and Kikyo. He continues to repeat those two words, but the names become whispers with almost sobs. _Oh he's beginning to lose his mind. Saying my name in conjunction with Kikyo's? That is a little bit odd. I doubt that he knows that he is stating such random things. _

Flaring with strong battle aura, I begin to scream at the demon. "You cannot hurt my friends, you bastard!" _I'll show him. No one messes with my friends when there is something I can do about it!_ A state of calmness moves through my heart as I focus. _I am not sure what I am doing, but Kaede-baa-chan told me to follow my instincts and that is exactly what I will do._

With a burst of inspiration, I begin to invade the youkai's thoughts. Although my mind seems plunged into darkness, I find myself concentrating harder and harder on manifesting my own presence in his mind. As images of my friends under his control try to fill my mind, I refuse to give in to despair and mentally shout out my answer. In the darkness of his mind, I scream. As I cry out, blue and white energy emanates from my own spirit self. The energy swirling faster and faster around me, like the Kaze no Kizu around Tetsusaiga, I suddenly let go of the force and unleash it on the core of his mind.

The youkai weakens for a moment as he is physically, emotionally and spiritually blinded. Since his powers are weakened by my invasive and crippling attack, I enchant my arrow and send it towards Inuyasha's green prison. Glancing at Miroku and Sango out of the corner of my mind, I see that they have just begun to awaken. Each pair of eyes is wide and staring straight at me. _I have no time to explain, nor do I have an explanation to give to them, but for now something in me tells me to prepare another arrow as fast as I can. I need to focus my energy and stop worrying about mechanics… I need to simply perform._ My arrow flies straight and true and glows with intense light as it burns off the youkai's hands. The arm that was closest to me disintegrates with the cleansing energy. I look back at Sango and Miroku, who are now beginning to get up. Looking back towards my chosen enemy, I allow the light calmness to take over my heart again completely and after I fall into the trance, I raise my arm. White and yellow energy come out of my hands- the white to purify his poison and the yellow to freeze him in place. The white energy begins to purify the Shikon no Kakera and then as a chain reaction, purify his blood. His body cannot take the intense purity of my spell and it begins to destroy him from the inside out.

Inuyasha comes out of his trance and stares completely stunned at me, the young miko who is destroying his opponent. Although the effects have weakened, the poison still somewhat affects his state of mind. He finally stops chanting names and finally looks for the rest of his friends, who have all gotten up and begun to charge the demon again. After watching his allies charge, Inuyasha's mind finally clears. With renewed courage, he tells the others to stand back. They see the look in his eyes and do not wish to be caught in his attack, so they comply without question or too much grumbling.

Turning back to the demon, Inuyasha grins evilly. "You sick freak- you see how strong you really are. You are just an insane jerk, but not for long. You will never try to take over anyone's mind and body ever again. Oh well, bye bye! Kaze no Kizu!" The sword finishes off the destruction that I had already begun.

After the demon is dead, I walk up to the puddles of purified youkai blood, now a shimmering silver color. I can see the already purified shards, which I gently gather and put in the little vial with the others that we have collected. The danger completely gone, they all stare at me in surprise. I look at them with wide eyes. "What did I do? Did I do something wrong, everyone? I'm sorry that I did not attack sooner."

Inuyasha shakes his head. "No, it's fine, Kagome." He looks down at his feet. "Umm, well, can you maybe…tell us how did you do that?" They all lean forward and anticipate my answer, but I really don't have one for them.

"Well, I…" I think about it for a moment. "You know- I don't know- I'm gonna ask Kaede-baa-chan about it." Inuyasha's jaw is still on the ground- much to my amusement- and he continues staring at me in surprise. "Oh Inuyasha, you had to have a weak human save you this time?" I taunt. He starts to hyperventilate and glare at me with cold yellow eyes, but I just walk away. "Oh whatever. I'm so tired and" Her stomach growls. "I am really hungry too. Let's go back and get something to eat, shall we?" I smile at them and they still react to me as though they are still in shocked daze. They shrug and nod. A few moments afterwards, we jump on the transformed Kirara and quickly return to the village so we can eat.

Ok there's my new chapter and I am kinda excited. I have another idea that I am playing with and it is finally coming together. It is completely different from this story in some ways- mainly I'm not going to mess with people's emotions nearly as much. Anyway, this is still my primary project, so don't worry about updates. I had this idea and I wanted to get it out there first you know and working on it actually helps me when I begin to get a little writer's block about this one. Please review b/c I love reviews. BTW, I have already written part of Pt 14 already and the tentative name is "Dreams are missing each other"

I said I would give credit to my friend. Our conversation went pretty much like this:

BW: I know that I want it to spout huge poison bubbles that can surround an enemy and either control them with their jyaki/evil energy or melt them with the poison... or both. Any interesting ideas?

him: _Yeah. Make it instead of evil energy, deadly spiritual plague that twists their physical form into something unrecognizable yet invariably horrible, giving said demon ability to control them, or let the plague take root, complete its life cycle, and melt down the victim by bursting from its entrails in swarms of demonic maggots. That any good?_

BW: Hmm interesting. Pervasive, infecting jyaki- sounds like something one of Naraku's mini me's would be able to do. That would be strong enough to make the statement when the youkai gets completely obliterated. Hmm assuming this is one sick youkai... any ideas of how he could play with his victims... of course they won't be victims in my story- they have to live through some more chapters. sigh I don't know how well this is gonna go over- I'm no good at writing action/adventure, never tried. I just don't want it to be boring.

him: _Yeah, sure. Make his victims enter into an emotional relationship with one of your heroes, then at the proper dramatic moment, pull the curtain and say, 'whoops, just a plague fiend!'_

Ok naturally you know what I used and didn't use.

Please click the tiny box and send me a lovely review!


	14. Pt 14: Dreams Are Missing Each Other

Hey- I'm back! Sorry guys. I know that I shouldn't start other fics, but I really needed to write something else out of my system before I could get back to writing this one. Something bad happened and I was hurt- I didn't want it to affect this story. As for the other one, it helped with writer's block on this one- but don't worry- this fic is my primary focus! Anyway, here's this chapter. It's shorter than I was initially going to put up, but I figured that I could be kind and go ahead and put this up.

Kiro-chan- I am so glad that you reviewed! Just knowing that you are looking forward to the rest, makes me happier than you can imagine- and it tends to motivate me to find more time so I can get the next chapters up faster.

Angelstars- I'm so happy that you liked it! I know what you mean about how nice it is to see Kagome being stronger than she is sometimes portrayed. As for the power of the mind- oh yeah I hear ya. Besides, the more complicated something is, the easier it tends to be to make the system crash- I figured that if it worked for computers, Windows, etc, than it could work for minds as well!

Classic Cowboy- No worries about not reviewing! BTW, yes it was very lovely! I am quite pleased! ;)

DiLLiRgA- I'm not getting tired of writing the thank you's- unless you would just rather I abstain from thanking you? I also figure that if you guys could take a few moments and say something to me, the least that I can do is return the favor, neh?

**Pt 14- Dreams are missing each other**

"Tomorrow is far away and lonely, but I think that I'll get over it as long as it's still the dawn. Feelings will trip if they bump into each other. Tonight, we miss each other once again. Tightrope walking with results so bad that trails of effort fade off with the results. Every day, the more you do, the more you lose. It's easier to hold yourself at an angle. Hiding the passionate self, hiding the hurt self, I live on in this short era…. Feelings will run wild if left alone. Dreams are again missing each other."

- part of Heart of Sword translation from Rurouni Kenshin

After eating a nice celebration meal with Kaede, Inuyasha pouts in his tree. The others notice that he wants to be left alone and that he has been quiet ever since the battle. They shrug it off and assume that maybe the poison is still having some effect on him. That may be true, however Inuyasha's mind does not dwell upon his own performance. Instead, he finds himself lost within thought of Kagome… and Kikyo.

He heavily sighs with almost reverence. "Kagome… oh that was amazing. I did not know that you possessed such amazing powers. I have not seen anything as incredible as your display since Kikyo, whose powers were mind-boggling and almost legendary. I remember- demons could ever get very close to her. All who tried to take the Shikon no Tama completely failed in their attempts. Now, Kagome was incredible too- how could she keep it from us like that? If she is as powerful as she proved herself to be, why didn't she use the powers sooner- we could use the help of course." _Inuyasha, don't be so dense- Kagome has never had any training in her miko powers unlike Kikyo. What do you expect? Is she just supposed to use powers without knowing how?_ "Hey! She used them today, didn't she?" _And she said that she didn't know what happened, moron._

He shrugs off his inner comment. "Keh, I suppose that it is just another of those reincarnation things… yet another thing that they have in common. I used to think that they both had another thing in common- that they both liked me. Kagome does like me, as a friend. Shouldn't that be enough for me?" _It should be more than enough..._

He continues to think aloud. "When she brushed me off this afternoon, she sounded so cool, matter of fact and filled with hidden mirth." He flinches, bristles and then curses himself for letting Kagome get under his skin in the first place. "Damn, I should not care about her at all. I should be free. Free, to love Kikyo with a full heart. Free not to have such ridiculous things bother me." He frowns and remembers the grace of her fighting and the attractiveness of her attacks. "Attractive? Kagome- well yes… and…" His thoughts continue to drift to every movement of hers that he could remember. He replays them over and over in his mind and holds onto them with a tenacity that surprises him.

Against his will, he makes a discovery that he should have allowed to surface before. "Oh no, I do, I actually love Kagome." _Do you love her because you cannot have her? She was there and it seemed as if you could have had her if you had wanted her… what does that make you, an opportunist?_ "Oh shut up!" _How do you know that it is true when you say that you love her even more from afar? How fair is that! You love her when you cannot have her and when you remember what you thought that you had and what you could have had._ The hanyou narrows his eyes and shrugs once again.

He stubbornly crosses his arms and sadly examines the moon. "Oh, she is far away while being right next to me. It feels as if there is a huge chasm between the two of us- a great distance that I long to cross." _Yes, yes your youthful yearning stirs your mind and heart to overcome even Kikyo's presence._ "Yeah, that's right. I ignored Kikyo that night. It's just… Kagome. I wanted so badly to hold her in my arms and crush her soft, warm, living body to my chest… my Kagome." The mixed simplicity and complexity of his feelings surprise him.

He is lost in his thoughts and therefore does not notice when someone decides to join him. Usually, he would smell anyone coming near, but he is distracted and does not realize that he has a visitor until he hears a slight knock on the dark brown bark of his tree. As the mist fades from his eyes, he looks down and sees the object of his thoughts.

(Kagome)

"Inuyasha- may I come up there and keep you company?" I ask him. He just nods and so I begin to climb up, which does not work very well. He shakes his head at me and sighs.

"Sheesh, woman." He leaps down and leaps up into the tree with me in his arms. _That was very sweet of him. I did not realize that it would be so hard to climb the tree. Oh well._

"Thank you, Inuyasha. I brought you some chocolate? Would you like to have a little bit with me?" I hold out one of the leftover chocolate bars from the s'mores and raise my eyebrow to accentuate my invitation.

He pokes it a little bit and gives the foil a questioning glance. "What is that again?"

"Silly- it's the dark brown candy that you ate with the blackened marshmallows."

His eyes open wide and begins grabbing at it and wolfing it down. "Yeah this stuff is good- chocolate you called it?" _He remembered it for that long? He listened to me?_

I watch him with a smile. _I wonder if he would like some chocolate. Maybe he could give some to Kikyo… yes, his Kikyo._ "Inuyasha…"

"Spit it out, wench." He crudely says through his mouthful of chocolate.

I ignore the wench comment. "Well, it is customary in my time that boyfriends give their girlfriend chocolate sometimes. It is not required but it does happen. As I say that, you must be thinking that I am weird offering you some chocolate, but we are just friends with commitments, so it does not apply. I want to know if you want to give one of my extra bars to Kikyo."

"Uh, sure- why not?" He is silent for a moment before he stops eating, looks away and begins talking again. "Did your Kisho give you any chocolate?"

"What- Kisho? Oh yeah, of course he does." I ponder for a moment. "He knows that I get major chocolate cravings sometimes. Oh I love chocolate so much. Let's see- I remember last year for Valentine's Day, he left a bar of chocolate for me in each class and then at the end of the day, he gave me a dozen long stemmed red roses. I was so happy, but I was just happier that they were from him. The gift makes little difference; it's the thought that counts. Of course, his presents would make me happy anyway. Ah, no matter. You must be wondering why I randomly came up here to talk to you tonight. Well, I wanted to know what you thought about the battle today?" I sigh.

He does not respond, but allows me to talk. "I don't know what happened. Kaede-baa-chan told me to follow my instincts and that is what they told me to do. As I was acting, I did not know what I was doing, you know?" I look towards him and shrug, but he does not look at me_. Oh well, I guess that he's thinking about something._ "That kinda scares me. I could not control myself- well no, I could control myself but I did not understand what I was doing even as I did it. I gave in to a completely uncharted part of myself that, at that time, began to take over my mind." I begin yanking on my hair. "I only remember bits and pieces of what happened- I was in a trance-like state and so everything about it still seems just a little bit blurry. But seriously, Inuyasha, what do you think about what happened? I would really like to know."

He scratches his head and looks away from me for a moment. After sighing, he turns to look me in the eye. "Well, Kagome, I had no idea that you could do that. I was very surprised. But… even more than that…why couldn't you tell me before now? You never tell me anything." He pouts like a child and glares at me.

"What do you mean? I didn't know about these powers!" I glare right back at him.

He scoffs. "Keh- yeah sure you didn't- just like Kisho!"

_Huh?_ "Just like Kisho what?"

"You couldn't tell me about him either!"

I roll my eyes. "Of course I told you about it, baka! You are the one who forgot that I told you something as important as that. I do not know why you are accusing me of being the only one with selective amnesia," I spit out with disgust.

"I can't believe you at all! How can you expect me to believe you! Keh! I wonder what other surprises do you have in store for me!" _I cannot believe that he just said that! Dang, does this boy have issues or what? _

"Sheesh, Inuyasha- what is your problem? You are acting so strangely for crying out loud! What is wrong with all of you! You all are the ones who are forgetting everything- not me!" I throw my hands in the air. "I just don't understand you."

"Keh, wench!"

"Don't call me that again or I'll say it!" As I prepare to punish him, I convulse and my body becomes heavier than lead.

(Inuyasha)

Inuyasha runs and catches her as she leads towards the ground. As he cushions the fall, he realizes that she is unconscious… again. (A/N- yes I am aware that this seems to be getting old, but I have really good reasons for this, so trust me.) He stares at her in surprise as his worry obliterates his feelings of frustration and anger. Shaking his head from unimportant thoughts, the hanyou brings her to Kaede. As he did before, he wraps her in her sleeping bag and returns to his corner as the older miko begins her examination.

Kaede is quick and gentle, but just keeps shaking her head and glancing worriedly at Kagome. After confirming pulse rate and searching with her spirit, Kaede finds only inconclusive evidence. Her searches are being blocked.

Inuyasha shifts as he raptly watches. With his brow furrowed, he expresses his impatience. "Keh, babaa, are you done yet? What is wrong with her?"

Kaede does not respond immediately but sighs in exasperation. "Inuyasha, keep it down. She can hear you, you know. I'm not sure what is happening to her, but I suspect that she will be fine in the morning. I assume that you will do me the favor of watching over her tonight for me, won't you?" He looks into the small fire and nods. Kaede looks sympathetically at him before walking out.

Inuyasha watches over Kagome with varying levels of attention, but something keeps bringing his mind back to the sleeping powerful woman a few feet away from him. Over the time, the proximity becomes more and more intoxicating and he feels as if he will jump out of his skin. As he mentally caresses her, he suddenly realizes what he is doing. The voice inside whispers…_Admit the truth, Inuyasha- just admit that you love Kagome. _As usual, he tries to push the thought away with excuses. _No, shut up! She has someone else, someone else that will make her so much happier in a normal life. Yes, a normal, happy life that I don't know if I could ever give her. If I truly love her, I can endure this and must. I do love her… _He marvels at the thought but then thinks about it. _If I love her, her desires will be my primary concern, not my own._

(Kagome)

In my state of pseudo-consciousness, I dream…

_I am falling, falling into darkness. Who am I? Why am I here? Why can't I see the bottom? Surely I will hit bottom soon- I did not know that I could possibly fall this far._

A warm, feminine voice wraps itself around me, although I cannot see anything. "Why is it so important for you to know where you are going and what you are doing? Are you not safe here- away from those who would hurt and away from those that you hurt?"

I answer her out loud. "How… did you hear my thoughts?" I pause but get no answer. "Hey- I do not hurt people!"

"Do you not? Do you believe that when you fall, someone will catch you?"

"Yes, I do believe that- I know it. There are people who love me and who are waiting for me to return!"

"So why do you hide? Why do you not fight?"

"Fight what? I am falling- I am out of control. There is nothing for me to do but wait."

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe that is what you wish to believe."

"Whatever- that was nice and cryptic. Besides, who are you? Why can't I see you? I can hear you… but that is all."

The voice quietly and demurely laughs. "Is physical manifestation that important, Kagome?" _Kagome, that is my name. Yes, Higurashi Kagome. _

In the distance, a light shines and I can see the Sengoku Jidai with all my friends. On my right, the other side, I can see a picture of my life with my family.

The woman continues speaking. "These are your frames of existence, Kagome. Are they worth the trouble or will you just watch life pass you by and continue to hurt people?"

As the light fades and fall down and down, I scream to refute her statement. "I told you- I don't hurt people!" Finally, as my voice echoes up into the seemingly, dimensionless chasm, I finally hit bottom and fall out of my reverie.

Ok that's it for pt. 14. Please review if you have a moment. I get extremely encouraged, yep! Let's see I always put up the likely name for the next chapter. Well let's see… Exasperation… yeah maybe that's right. Ok later, everyone. That'll be up soon.


	15. Pt 15: Exasperation

Hey guys- Here's part 15… yes you have all been incredibly patient. I have been listening and so I am combining some chapters that would've been separate and taken out a little bit. Now, I thought about initiating the scene that will bring this to an end right here, but I really want to tie up a couple of things first. This chapter is not as descriptive so that I can keep it decently short, but part 16 will signal the beginning of the end. I hope that you guys are all happy to hear that. Let's see- my reasoning behind this: the mind is a complicated thing, especially when dealing with stubborn people. Aww heck, you'll see soon enough. This chapter explains about Kagome and her schoolwork- because boyfriend or no boyfriend, she still has classes on the other side. I don't want it to seem like I just like throwing details out the window- like how Kagome is always obsessing over her schoolwork. What can I say- I want to cover the bases!

Thanks to:

Angelstars- Yep, I'm glad that you liked the awakening of power thing… and you won't have to wait too long for the conclusion. Yeah, I love RK too!

Classic Cowboy- Yeah I have no idea where the chocolate idea came from, but it worked with the s'mores things pretty well.

ZsaiQais- No, you don't sound ungrateful. You're right about things starting to drag just a bit. Thanks for the words of praise and encouragement- and for adding me to your fav list!

**Pt 15- Exasperation**

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated. Life's like this you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn into honesty- promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it"

- Avril Lavigne, Complicated

(I know-I didn't want to use anything popular, but oh well, this just ended up fitting.)

Inuyasha sleeps quietly in the corner, but opens his right eye when he hears a little bit of noise. Once again, he can see Miroku gesturing to him to come outside. _Do they just enjoy messing up my watch on Kagome or do they really have something important to tell me this time?_ With a sigh, the hanyou gets up and drags his tired body out of the house.

In the crisp, early morning air, Miroku nods. "Inuyasha, we apologize that we are again disturbing you, but we needed to talk."

"Fine, Miroku- what is it?"

Sango shakes her head. "Inuyasha… you know how Kagome is always going back forth because she has tests back in her time? Well, she hasn't said anything or worried about them at all lately and that is rather strange for her. Normally, she would have said something or being studying or something. We know that there are a few things that she does not remember, so we assumed that maybe she forgot that part… You see, we need your help because you are the only one who can travel through the well to Kagome's time."

Before Inuyasha could answer, Miroku tries to get in a few more words. "We also thought about reminding her and having her go back home, but if she has really forgotten, who knows how she'll act once she gets there. So will you please take the job and allow us to watch Kagome while you are gone?"

Inuyasha thinks for a moment and then nods. "Sure, I'll go. Besides, her family knows me. That's a great idea- why didn't I think about that myself? Alright, you guys make sure that nothing happens to her while I'm gone. I'll be back soon." He grins to himself and takes off towards the well at full speed and then as he reaches it, he leaps in without stopping to think. _Yes I'll get her schoolwork, but I can also find out the truth about Kisho!_ Smiling with glee at his cleverness, he arrives in Kagome's time. Swiftly, he jumps out of the well and leaves the shrine to the well to see the sun rise over the trees.

After watching the day gently break over the horizon, Inuyasha slides open the door to the Higurashi residence. Kagome's mom, grandfather and brother are already sitting at the table eating breakfast. They stare at him in surprise.

The hanyou waves. "Yo."

Souta's face lights up with a huge grin. "Inu-no-nii-chan! You're here!"

Kagome's mom smiles. "Welcome. Would you like some breakfast? But wait, where's Kagome?"

"Oh, she's still sleeping. I came back to get her school assignments, since she always so worried about that."

With an understanding look, Mrs. Higurashi looks him over. "Yes, that is a very good idea."

Souta jumps up. "I can help you! I know how to get her assignments from the school. Please let me help!" _Man, this is going to be easier than I thought. Maybe Souta can also show me where I can find Kagome's friends, so that I can find out about Kisho._

"Right- that'll be great." He looks down at his haori. "Um, can you help me find something else to wear so I won't look quite so foreign?"

"Inu-no-nii-chan, you have never cared about something like that before now…"

_Oh shit, that's actually a good point. I hope that my intentions aren't too transparent…_ "Well, I…"

Mrs. Higurashi stands up and saves Inuyasha from embarrassment. "Of course, that would make it much easier for you. Come with me and we'll see if I can find something for you that will be appropriate." Inuyasha nods and begins to follow her. Souta tries to come to for a moment, but his mother notices and gently commands her family. "Souta, finish your breakfast and then get everything that you need for school. Jii-chan, will you call the school and alert them that Souta is coming to get Kagome's assignments?" The old man dashes off to do his daughter's bidding.

Mrs. Higurashi takes him down a hall and then turns to the right. They enter a bedroom and she proceeds to open an old chest of drawers. "I am going to give you some of my husband's clothes; he certainly doesn't need them now. I'm sure that he would want them to be used, certainly by one of Kagome's good friends." She pauses and pulls out an old pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. Her voice softens somewhat. "You must be wondering what happened to him. You see, he died of cancer when Souta was still an infant."

Unknowing what to say to her declaration, Inuyasha quietly responds, "Uh, um, I'm sorry about what happened to him."

She breaks out of her quiet moment to reassure him. "No, don't worry; it's fine." She holds up the clothes to him. "Yes, I think this will work." As she pulls a black baseball cap out of another drawer, she quickly explains how to put the clothes on. "Well, let's see- what else am I missing here? Oh shoes, of course." Running to the closet, she pulls out a pair of black sneakers. "These are…"

"Tennis shoes, like the new ones that you bought Kagome, but they're black."

"Right, yes, they are like Kagome's aren't they? I am going to check for size." She puts the shoe next to his foot and gasps. "Well, that'll be about right. They may be a little too big, but you'll have to wear socks anyway. Ok, that's it. If you aren't out in a few minutes, I'll send Souta in to help you." She tosses his a pair of black socks and closes the door behind her.

_Kagome's father's clothes… sheesh._ But as he puts them on, he smiles as he examines them. _Not bad, not bad at all. It's a little harder to move around, but I could maybe get used to this_. Then, he stares at the shoes and socks. He puts the socks on without to much trouble, but becomes frustrated with the shoelaces. He hears a gentle knock from outside.

"Inu-no-nii-chan, can I come in?" He grunts and the little boy walks in the room. "Wow, you look so cool! Those are Dad's old clothes, huh?" The hanyou nods. "Oh well, I am glad that you are using them."

"Uh, can you, um… yeah, maybe?" Inuyasha points at the shoes. Souta nods and quickly ties the laces.

"We should go now or I'll be late for school. So, put on your hat and we'll show Mama." Souta leaves Inuyasha behind as he throws open the door and dashes left towards the kitchen where Mrs. Higurashi and her father are waiting for the fashion show to begin. Inuyasha sighs and follows the boy. As he walks, he marvels at the feel of the shoes. _This feels kinda weird, but it would definitely feel better than stepping on rocks all the time. Hmm, Kagome's world is pretty wonderful._

He arrives in the kitchen to receive two gasps. "Wow, that outfit looks great. You are all set. You'd better get going- both of you. I'll have some food and other supplies ready for you when you get back."

Kagome's brother nods and grabs his bag. "Ok, we're leaving. Later!" Inuyasha waves along with Souta and they walk outside. After a few minutes, Souta looks up at the now-almost-normal-looking guy walking next to him. "Ano, Inu-no-nii-chan, how is Kagome doing?"

_Well I can't completely answer that and I guess it's time to ask him for his help… why is asking for help so difficult?_ "She is doing fine. Um, Souta, I kinda have something I need to ask you."

"What is it- I'll do anything to help you!"

Suddenly, Inuyasha blurts out, "Well, can you show me which girls are Kagome's friends? I need to ask them about something…"

"Oh sure. They're pretty nice. They have been friends with Kagome since they were younger than I am and they know a lot about Kagome. I feel sorry for them- they don't know anything about the well and they shouldn't because then the secret might get out. What do you want to know?"

"Um, nothing really. I have a… message for them from Kagome."

Souta still looks puzzled. "Shouldn't you give it to me? They know me- if they see you they might ask too many questions…"

"I need to do it myself."

"Ok, whatever you say." They arrive at Kagome's school and Souta points to a group of three black-haired girls under a tree. "Those are them right there. You can talk to them while I go get the assignments really quickly." Inuyasha takes a deep breath and walks over to the girls.

They are sitting in a circle and giggling about something. Inuyasha does not bother to listen to see what they are saying. Before he realizes it, he is standing next to their circle. "Yo."

They all stare up at him with surprise and admiration. Quickly, they all stand up. One of them asks him, "Um hi, excuse me, who are you?"

"I am a… friend of Kagome's." The girls all look at each other and smile.

"Oh, it's you. She has told us a little bit about you. My name is Ayumi and this is Eri and Yuka. We are so excited to finally meet you!" Hojo comes running up to the group.

"Hi, everyone- have you seen Kagome anywhere? Is she coming to school today?"

"No, she's not. She's not feeling well today," Inuyasha informs him.

Hojo looks at the newcomer with surprise. "Oh hi, I'm Hojo, and you are?"

_I might as well use my real name…_ "A friend of Kagome's… I'm Inuyasha." Meanwhile, the girls are looking excitedly from one guy to the other.

Hojo scratches his head and sighs. "Oh well. I wanted to give her these bath salts; they have been known to induce healing of the body and of the mind." He frowns. At that moment, Souta comes running up to them.

"Hi everyone. Oh, Inu-no-nii-chan, here are the assignments. I have to run now or I'll be late." He hands the hanyou the long list and stack of papers. "Oh Inu-no-nii-chan, come see us more often. You're cool. Bye, everybody!" He runs off towards his own school. The others stare at Inuyasha.

Hojo lights up. "Oh, Inuyasha-san, since you are going to give those to Kagome's family, could you please give them these bath salts for me?" Inuyasha nods and takes the container. "It was nice to meet you, Inuyasha. Please send my greetings and best wishes to both Kagome and the rest of her family. I hope that we will meet again. Well," he checks his watch, "I must go do something before classes begin, so until later, everyone." Hojo waves and heads off towards his own group of friends. _Well I have nothing to fear from Hojo after all. Kagome said that she doesn't feel that way about him; now I see why. Besides, she has Kisho, so why would it matter?_

Inuyasha turns back towards the girls. "So, what about Kagome's boyfriend?"

Eri winks at him. "Oh don't worry about that- Hojo is so dense. He just doesn't understand that Kagome is in love with someone other than him. As for her boyfriend, he makes mistakes sometimes, but she still loves him so much. From what it sounds like, she puts up with a lot, but he has his moments…"

"But he's pretty good to her?" Inuyasha looks down.

"Yeah I guess so." The girls all shrug and give him a covered smile, but then the bell rings. They grab their things. "It was nice to meet you, Inuyasha-san. See you later." Inuyasha is left behind with papers. As he makes his way back towards the shrine, he is more confused than before.

He walks up the stairs and sees Kagome's mother waiting with some bags. She waves and Inuyasha walks towards her. "So you're back and I see that you have a good bit of work to give Kagome." Inuyasha nods. "Here is a bunch of food- including ramen- and some other supplies. I also packed your clothes, a few other shirts and clothes just in case you want to wear them. You know, that outfit that you have on really does become you well. I am getting away from the point. You want to get back to Kagome, right?"

He nods and hands her the bath salts. "These are from Hojo-kun. He sends his regards to your family." He surveys all the care that she had gone into readying the supplies. "Thank you very much for all your help," he says as he grabs everything.

She nods and pushes him out the door. "Ok, safe trip and send Kagome our love."

He smiles, runs to the well, jumps in and returns home. _Things must be complicated, you know? This is so annoying. I hope that Kagome is doing well._

(Kagome)

In the early afternoon, I wake up to the smell of lunch. Sango is sitting in the corner and Kirara is curled up next to me. As soon as my eyes open, Kaede comes in to check on me.

"Good morning, err, afternoon, Kagome-chan. How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine, Kaede-baa-chan. Did I pass out again or something?"

"You fell out of the tree and luckily Inuyasha caught you. You seem to be in good health, though. They told me about your use of your powers. I want you to know how proud I am of you, girl." I blush just as Inuyasha enters the house with some huge bags. He is wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a black cap and some shoes… _wait those belonged to Dad!_ Inuyasha ignores the strange looks the others are giving him and fishes out the papers and hands them to me. With a sigh, he takes off the hat and shoves it in the bag.

"Um, thank you, Inuyasha." I look closer at the papers. _These are my assignments!_ "You went back and got my assignments for me? Oh I am so happy!" I read through the list of dates and realize that there isn't another test for two weeks. "Oh this is great- I don't have a test for a couple of weeks. Oh time to relax and study- this is the best!" Then, I look over Inuyasha one more time. "Oh, Inuyasha, you look great! Mom gave you some of Dad's clothes? They look really good on you, you know." Kaede, Sango and Kirara leave us to talk, but neither of us notices. "I wonder what Kikyo would say if she saw you like this? That would be interesting!" I smile to myself and then put my head to one side as I notice him flinch and pout. "Well, sorry, but I don't really like Kikyo all that much, because she is always so mean to me and more than that, I kinda want the rest of my soul back. I'm sorry to state the truth; I can imagine how sad you are because of her."

Inuyasha sweatdrops, because Kikyo is not what is bothering him. My words almost make him feel worse. Softly, he asks, "Why did you tell Kouga you belong to me?"

"Oh is that important? Well, I did because he wouldn't have understand why I wasn't with my boyfriend silly- oh yeah my boyfriend is not here because I travel through time via a well- that would go over well, haha." He doesn't laugh at my pun. He groans instead. "Don't tell me you like little old me, Inuyasha?" I laugh it off, waving my hand slightly.

He mutters a keh and I look at him with a slight grin. "Nah, but you still looked as if you were sulking- suffering from the loss of someone you loved." I become serious. "You've lost so many- your parents, Kikyo… but at least you got her back, neh? Everything will work out somehow, Inuyasha- just follow your heart and don't be afraid of the truth. If it's meant to be, it will be, no matter how much you worry about it." I pat him on the head and admire his hair with a sigh. "Yura was right- your hair is quite lovely- both yours and Sesshoumaru's. Oh well, we do the best we can. I have a headache- so I'm going to bed to rest. Don't worry too much, k?" Inuyasha nods and leaves me to rest. He sits outside the hut and cradles his head in his hands.

Somewhere else in the village, Miroku and Sango are having some developments due to the stressful nature of the situation. Kirara and Shippo run by as they play with the village children. Shippo tosses a bouncy ball to Kirara and it ends up hitting Miroku on the forehead. He falls over as Sango retrieves the ball. "Shippo, why don't you and Kirara take the kids to play somewhere else, ok?" She turns back to the monk and kneels down beside him. "Houshi-sama, are you ok?" A familiar wandering hand on her butt answers her question. As her eye begins to twitch, she yells, "Hentai! Ok, no, I am not going to hit you, although believe me when I say that it is taking all of my willpower not to. I will tell you how it is. You just don't understand, so I will make you understand!"

"You aren't going to whack me on the head with Hiraikotsu or punch me repeatedly?"

"What are you lamenting that I am holding back?" She crosses her arms.

"Uh, no, not really. But why does it bother you so much?"

"Well, let me put it this way… Ok, I have got it. How would you feel if Naraku were to caress your rear end all the time and then just reply that he did that because your butt was right there? Would you enjoy that?"

Of course Miroku narrows his eyes and looks disgusted. Then hurt, he turns to her. "Naturally, I would feel uncomfortable and violated- well worse than that, this is Naraku about whom we are speaking. Sango, is that really how you feel about it?"

She taps her feet together and shakes her head no. "Of course I don't, but I wanted to make my point." They stare into each other's eyes and then look away. She begins a new subject. "What about the situation with Inuyasha and Kagome?" They both sigh with relief about the change in intensity.

Miroku nods. "Well I just can see him sulking all the time, but I guess that I can't blame him. She's driving him crazy- if you ask me, he wants her, badly and isn't telling her because of everything that's going on."

Sango nods and looks away thoughtfully. "Do you really think that true love is easy and just comes? I am a little worried… she is so young and I know I don't have much experience in these situations, but she seems dreamier than she used to be. She used to be a little more down-to-Earth. I can't blame her for that- Inuyasha had been acting like a jerk. I can see why she would repress those memories."

"Sango, I have noticed that too. But remember: it's more complicated than it seems. She didn't just yell at him- well she attacked him. I think she, uh, got his attention, interest, ahem. I saw his eyes- he was getting a major adrenaline rush and he was looking at her with love until the shock wore off and the daze gave in to allow him to feel her attack and be shocked. More than that, I still don't know what was in that letter. I want to ask Shippo to steal it but I won't invade his privacy."

"I'm curious about that as well. What about Kagome's powers? I am still a little scared of her, Miroku- she keeps fading in and out. She could turn on us at any moment, but when I am around her, I cannot think like that. Everything's a mess!"

Miroku smiles at her. "I told you- we'll all get through this… together. Don't worry- we just need to believe in our friends. As for me, I'll always protect you." They look at each other until Shippo and Kirara enter the scene and innocently break up the scene. The spell was broken.

That's all for part 15, everyone. Please review because the moments you have all been waiting for are drawing very near. I think I will name the next chapter The Control Needed to Survive.


	16. Pt 16: The Control Needed to Survive

Greetings my wonderful and ever-patient readers! I know it took me a little while to get this up and I apologize. I kept waiting and waiting and I just got more and more behind. I guess I got a little nervous because I know how important this chapter really is. Also, I had bronchitis and then I caught the dreaded Norwalk virus, a plague that is sweeping nastily through Atlanta and also through my entire family. The worst part is that you can get it again after you have already survived its terrors. Ok, it's not that bad- it's basically a day of nausea but when I get nauseous I usually end up in the hospital- I have always been that way. When someone heard that once, they asked if it was alcohol related and I honestly almost laughed my butt off. Of course it's not alcohol related- I have had this problem since I was 2 years old or so. Oh well, that was more than you wanted to know I'm sure- but I figured that you all deserved a good explanation for the tardiness of this update!

Angelstars- Yeah I know what you mean- he totally thought that her friends were talking about someone else other than him and it's just sad. More answers only brought more questions… poor thing! I am planning to read your fics- I appreciate you reading mine so much and I want to because they look truly interesting. I thought it might be kind to go ahead and get another update up first.

Classic Cowboy- Ok I know you didn't review this time but I wanted you to know that I am also planning on reading your first IY fic soon- just like I told Angelstars, I wanted to get this late update up first.

IceRayven- I hope that all connections will be made and all questions will be answered but hey, I have ADHD(focusing mostly in attention not hyperactivity) so knowing me, there will be a few minor adjustments made. I always end up finding some annoying grammatical error and fixing it right after I put up the chapter, but it serves me right. I am planning on e-mailing you tomorrow- I just wanted to get this chapter up if I possibly could. Since I was sick, it made it rather difficult.

Matal- I am glad that you are enjoying the plot- I was hoping that it wasn't becoming boring or overdone!

Nankinmai- You will find out why everything is happening very soon!

DiLLiRgA- Don't worry about not reviewing- it's all good. I'm just glad that you are still excited! Your patience will soon be rewarded.

**Pt 16- The Control Needed to Survive**

(The origin of this chapter name is in my past- it was an e-mail I wrote to my first love… a looong time ago. It was looks it up really quick (yes I saved it. sweatdrops ) March 28, 1999! AHHHH it was almost four years ago!.)

"Even if I love you so much that I shatter myself, not even a third of it gets across to you. These innocent emotions run around in circles. It can't even say I love you… my heart. A long, sleepless night whispers my feelings for you- that is indeed what love means. The wavering pulse that speaks to me endlessly turns into a sigh with a slight fever. Give me a smile and shine days with your smile- it's good I can overcome the cold nights that would freeze me…. I will get past any hurdle, no matter how difficult or complicated."

- a translation of 1/3, Rurouni Kenshin (Ok I know that I already used one RK song quote but so what? I wanted to use this one as well- it kinda fits!)

Warm breezes caress the sleeping friends during the nighttime hours. The moon, partially hidden behind a group of misty cirrus clouds, shines enchanting light upon the world below. As the celestial spheres turn ever round and round, the terrestrial realm also continues its cycles and life goes on. In the distance, the white ashes of wood-burning fires begin to turn colder as their fuel supplies diminish bit by bit. For the most part, this side of the Earth sleeps peacefully.

Yes, for the most part that is true, but not completely- one confused, lonely hanyou is awake with only his illusive thoughts to comfort him, in the middle of the night. He still has the jeans and t-shirt on as he watches time pass him by in the tree beside his sleeping friends. _You'd know that I would be the insomniac of the group. _He sighs tragically. _Or maybe it's because I'm a youkai, err, hanyou. Still, Kirara and Shippo are happy little campers tucked away and they are youkai! Yeah Shippo has no trouble sleeping whatsoever- that little brat!_ Golden eyes dart towards the aforementioned kitsune who is curled up in Kirara's tail.

Next to them, Sango and Miroku are sleeping against the same tree, but on opposite sides. Inuyasha watches during the night as they unconsciously move closer and closer to one another. With an amused look, Inuyasha tries to keep himself from bursting into unrestrained laughter. _It looks as if they really did have some developments earlier today! I guess that they had a talk or something, but no matter. All I have to say is- it's about damn time! Yeah, they may finally be getting a clue. Sheesh, and people think that I am stubborn and dense, well, ha- look at them! _He shakes his head. _I must admit that Miroku does not always help the situation with that lecherous hand of his… or with his pervasive questions to women about bearing his child. I can't blame Sango for using Hiraikotsu to bash his brains in for that; if it wasn't so funny to watch, I might join in sometimes. Must he always be so predictable?_ With yet another shake of his head, Inuyasha further examines the houshi. _Yes, even now I can see his peaceful and satisfied smile- and it's weird that the serene look never vanishes, even when livid women injure him. Sheesh, you think that he could pretend to be sorry or something! Or maybe it's worse- maybe he enjoys the pain! Who knows?_

Inuyasha shakes his head and sighs. _It gets really tiring to see it over and over._ The annoying voice returns… _what about when Kagome says osuwari? Don't you think that they get tired of seeing you heading towards the ground? On second thought, they probably laugh their butts off because you deserve it_… He frowns_. I do not deserve it, but that damned wench just doesn't understand sometimes! _The voice fires back in annoyed tone. _Oh give it up, Inuyasha! You are even denser than they are!_ A rustle of spring green sod interrupts his fighting thoughts, so he focuses on his immediate surroundings again. All is quiet in the camp near the village, but there has been one minor change. Sango has put her head on Miroku's shoulder in her sleep and as a result, they both smile softly.

The scene is peaceful and happy, but Inuyasha knows that it will not remain that way when both of them wake up. Still, his heart twinges slightly at the sweet, precious happiness shared by his friends. _Things just are not that simple anymore… if they ever were. Shouldn't I be happy? I have Kikyo… and I love her. What could be simpler than that?_ The voice nags… _Oh right Inuyasha- she's freaking dead, ok? How fun or simple, as you say, is that? She has ceased to be! _(A/N- think Monty Python and the dead parrot skit! ) _She has bit the big one- she is a walking corpse! Both Sango and Miroku are alive, so maybe you can't compare the two, don't you think? Still, you pretend that things are simple for them? Don't be so damned self-absorbed! Everyone has their own problems, so don't go and make such comparisons- you will never win and you will only get upset over irrelevant things due to such unfair comparisons._

Meanwhile, Inuyasha clenches his fist and attempts not to bang on his tree in his anger. So, as the voice finally finishes its diatribe, he begins to defend his bruised pride_. I am not getting upset, nor am I self-absorbed. I know Kikyo is dead- how could I possibly forget that fact? I can smell her- the cold, uninviting scent of dirt when she comes near._ The voice smirks. _Oh and that's a good reason to go for Kikyo number two?_

Inuyasha fumes… _Don't you ever call her that again! She has a name, a beautiful name… Kagome._ In response, he looks at the young woman whose clean, sweet smell wafts up to tease his sensitive nose. He flashes back to the moment in time that he met her… as she had defiantly refused that she was Kikyo and that she was instead Ka-go-me. He had been mistaken… and yet he had mercilessly compared her to Kikyo… and insulted her by saying that Kikyo was more beautiful than she was, when he knew that to be untrue. Still, she is the reincarnation of Kikyo… _That is not why I, uh, care about Kagome. She is different from Kikyo; I know it, despite what she thinks. I love her kindness, her strength, her compassion and her immensely courageous spirit; I feel at ease with her._ The voice sighs… _Is that not what love is, Inuyasha? _

_Love… I don't know what it is, if I ever really will._ He sighs and smiles gently at the one who captured his heart. A moment later, his reverie-filled eyes clear and he sees her as she truly is. At that moment, Kagome is severely shivering in her sleeping bag. Although she is still sleeping, he becomes increasingly aware that she is having a bad dream. His arms ache to hold her and his heart twists not to be by her side in her time of need. _She looks so pale and cold…_ he notices she begins to thrash around on the ground.

Moments later, she moans and whispers his name… The realization quickly rushes over him with warmth. He blushes and the raging fire of concern that seizes him begins to reach a critical stage. Tossing and squirming in evident anguish, she holds her head in her hands. Unable to stay where he is, he leaps down quietly and crouches next to her. Meanwhile, she is repeating his name over and over… and shivering uncontrollably.

_She's freezing; she is so pale! _He puts his hand to her hand is shocked by the coolness of her skin. _Something is wrong; this isn't normal… but how can I help her? A fire will not be warm enough fast enough and I can't put her close enough to the fire, in case her sleeping bag accidentally catches on fire._ He lies down beside her sleeping bag and pulls her towards him to warm her up. Immediately, his skin tingles and his blood starts moving faster. As he feels his warmth surrounding her and filling her body, he relaxes to a point. Still, she continues saying his name and finally stops shivering. He smiles and rests with her as she falls into deep sleep. Inuyasha joins her in her dream...

Kagome stands alone in a white space and looks around at the blankness… and everything begins to go dark as she continues to stand there and wait. _What are you waiting for, girl?_ Inuyasha comes up to her, but only listens to the voice that speaks into both of their heads. Kagome does not realize his presence. The voice continues… _Why do you delay? _Kagome wonders what is true in this place. _What is real, Kagome? Dare you be yourself? How could you let this happen to you? Why do you slip deeper and deeper into something so false- because it's comforting? Can you not bear to see the difficult truth displayed in reality? Do you even recognize what is and what is not real?_ Without warning, other thoughts break through Inuyasha and Kagome's heads…_But beware placing blame, Kagome…there's a saying those that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones_… and at that moment, a huge glass heart appears before them.

In the cold, red light, the heart shatters unknowingly and yet everything remains the same. The solid feeling of the heart remains but the shards create two paths before them. A voice comes from inside… _There are two paths before you and what do you choose? You are not just a victim- dare you use your power? If you open your eyes, will your worst fears manifest themselves?_ Kagome wonders… _If I open my eyes, will you be there with me to protect me or are you lost to me forever simply because of my cowardice?_

Inuyasha feels her unspoken questions and uncertainly puts his arms around her. "Kagome, I will be there for you… but will you stay where you are simply to protect yourself from the possibilities? I will be there for you no matter what happens, don't you believe me?"

Out loud, Kagome questions herself. "What I fear most…" _Do you not remember? I'll show you…_

Suddenly a ghostly and frightening image returns and she sees Kikyo and Inuyasha descending into hell together as they kiss. An echo of Inuyasha smiles at Kikyo , then turns to Kagome to explain… "Kagome, I have to go. I love Kikyo, not you. You will never be Kikyo."

Inuyasha screams at her, but she only hears him as a voice in the background. "You will never have to be Kikyo, Kagome… come back to me! I love you for who you really are! Despite that, what about Kisho?"

_Kisho…_ An image of Kisho appears, but his face is shaded. Barely thinking, Kagome runs to his side. Inuyasha watches her go sadly. Slowly, Inuyasha comments, "Does he truly make you happy, Kagome? That is what I want for you, you know."

Kagome cuddles into Kisho's chest and closes her eyes as if to savor the memory, but a tear runs down her cheek and touches Kisho… and she falls through him as he becomes transparent.

Inuyasha catches her with his waiting arms. "Kagome, is this real? Can you hear me this time? Do you now know the truth or is this all an illusion?" A voice in Inuyasha's mind answers, "_What is real, Inuyasha?"_ He shrugs, but Kagome looks into his eyes and smiles. He looks at her and says, "_I don't know what is real, but I hope that this is."_

Kagome grasps Inuyasha tighter. _Oh Inuyasha, I was so afraid of becoming obsolete, or of always being obsolete- that you could see through me. Inuyasha, what is your dream?_

"My dream… I want you to be happy and I wish that you would never cry again in sadness, no matter what that means for me." His words echo in the space and the curtain closes again. Then they fall into deeper sleep and then have another dream together.

The sun is shining and their worlds are one. This is the day of which they have both dreamt- their wedding day. Everything worked out for the best. Naraku was defeated in a dark blaze thanks to the cooperative efforts of Inuyasha, Kagome and their friends. Although they feared that the two worlds would not be connected any longer once the Shikon no Tama was complete, they rejoiced when they found out that they were wrong. Love and friendship were enough to connect the two worlds… and everyone rejoiced in the continuation of their contact. After all, why would it end? Kagome still had her job- to protect the now-complete Shikon no Tama. As for Inuyasha, he gave up his selfish desire to use the jewel to become a youkai, because of his love for Kagome and his friends. After all, everyone cares about him just as he is and as a result, he came to appreciate both sides of his nature.

As the merriment was about to begin, Kikyo shows up and begins laughing in an insane manner. She smirks at Kagome. "Did you think that I would allow something like this to occur? Your bright-eyed hope has been in vain, my dear reincarnation. Inuyasha made a binding agreement to be mine- and I made it a spell, one that cannot be broken." She turns to Inuyasha. "Come now; come with me. You have no choice after all. If you had really loved her, you should have just come with me and then she could've been spared this retribution. Now, as you promised, we shall go to hell together."

He frowns at the woman he used to love. "What about Kagome?"

Kikyo smiles in a frightening manner. "She will go into the darkness. You did not know the parameters of your promise, but you really should have known better, darling. She is mine now… as you are. Let us fulfill our destinies!" She beckons to him but Inuyasha and Kagome scream each other's names and try to reach each other but both are plunged into darkness…

They are both frightened by the dream and so they wake up, holding tightly to each other. Inuyasha looks at Kagome and she turns to look at him in the revealing moonlight. Entranced and still shaking, he gently brings her lips to his own. For a moment, she deepens the kiss before realizing what is happening. Consequently, she pulls away from him and stays still as she stares at him in shock. Without making any noise, she stands up and turns her back on him, yet she does not walk away.

Hearing the noise, Miroku and Sango wake up in each other's arms, but don't say much of anything to each other. They keep looking at each other but both try and pretend that they aren't. Sango, still being incredibly sleepy, stalks off and Miroku, depressed, follows her so that Kagome and Inuyasha can talk and so that he can talk with Sango.

Miroku calls out to her, "Sango, we need to talk about this. This wasn't what I had intended, Sango. I don't know what happened." He shakes his head and hopes that she understands.

She hasn't gotten very far when she stops for a moment and turns to face him. "Houshi-sama, I don't know what you're talking about! How dare you lie to me like that! This is nothing more than another case of your lecherous nature showing itself!"

"What happened to Miroku? You called me that earlier, or don't you remember that?" She narrows her eyes at him and he sighs. "Oh Sango, if I had done this on purpose, wouldn't I be smiling as I always do? Please believe me when I say that I did not have any impure intentions towards you. Don't I always admit it when I make these mistakes? Certainly, I haven't always been a gentleman towards you and so I understand your skepticism."

Realization dawns on her and she rubs her forehead. "Yes, you always have that look on your face and more than that, you never apologize for such behavior. I'm the one who's sorry. I jumped to conclusions… but I just don't know what happened… Miroku-sama. Oh what happened between Inuyasha and Kagome- I guess we should give them some time to talk."

Inuyasha sighs. _Oh I'm in trouble now._ "I'm so sorry, Kagome. You looked so cold and I was afraid that there was something very wrong with you." He can tell that she is crying. "Oh please don't cry, Kagome… I hate it when you cry." She shivers and he goes over to her. Without thinking, he holds her from behind and nuzzles her hair. "Oh Kagome, please don't cry. I'm here for you; you're safe. I will protect you." Then he whispers, "No matter what, I…" She catches her breath and he turns her around and puts one arm behind her and the other behind her head. "Kagome, I will confess everything to you now. You deserve to know the truth, no matter what is true for you." As he says these things, she opens her eyes. Both of them hold their breath and yearn for each other. Without realizing what he is doing, he kisses her and tastes her salty tears upon her lips. He breaks away to wipe the tears from her face and then continues the kiss. Together, they swim in a sea of tenderness and the waves rise higher and higher over their heads.

He breaks the kiss and pulls her into the protective circle of his strong arms. "Oh Kagome, why did you have to be you? But you don't… no, not here, not for you… not me. Dear Kagome, you deserve better, much better than me…. so I want to remember us this way, Kagome." At these words, she catches her breath and tries very hard not to burst into tears. After such warmth and wonderful feelings, he unknowingly throws a bucket of ice water over her heart, freezing the flowing life force in her veins. Her instincts take over as she pulls him closer and closer.

Kagome lowers her gaze slightly and examines the prayer bead necklace. She unwinds one of her arms from around Inuyasha's waist to play with the entrancing, purple spheres. Inuyasha sighs and looks past her, but pulls Kagome back to his chest. Though he cannot see it, the reflection of light in her eyes turns yellow and the pupils of her eyes quickly dilate. Adrenaline begins pumping through their veins as they hear the quick pulsing of each others' hearts. The young miko lets out the breath that she had been holding and nods.

Seeing the movement of her head, Inuyasha thinks that she understands what he is trying to say. "Thank you, Kagome. I don't deserve even this, but please let me remember…" Kagome slowly runs her fingers through his silken hair and reaches up to massage his sensitive white ears. In response, Inuyasha purrs in contentment and pushes up Kagome's chin with his index finger. Slowly, he begins to bring his face to hers once more. "Kagome, I want you to know that I…"

Kagome cuts him off by pressing her lips to his with a searing kiss. They wrap their arms around each other and hold each other tight. Their fervent kisses become more and more heated. Behind Inuyasha's back, there is a glowing gold light around Kagome's fingers. A split-second later, she roughly pushes him away and holds up deadly golden fingernails to his throat.

Review, review, please! I will be very, very appreciative and maybe I will write the next chapter of this one before I write the next chapter of CotS- it depends on my mood and the amount of feedback that I get back- but either way I will put it up soon, so don't worry. I do not wish to coerce people into anything- that's bad. The next chapter is entitled… I am everything inside of you that you fear…

Oh btw, if anyone is interested (and I doubt anyone is) in romance, suspense, action/adventure, historical fiction, bio-tech books- I would like to recommend The Plague Tales and The Burning Road by Ann Benson. I re-read The Plague Tales when I was sick and I read its sequel for the first time. They are incredible! Anyway, I had to put that in here, later everyone!


	17. Pt 17: I Am Everything Inside of You Tha...

Hey everyone- I'm back. I meant to have this up sooner but one of my computer's hard drive failed on me- not the one that I have mainly been using but still… so I have been busy. Also, I'm sorry that I began writing a Labyrinth fic, but I just saw it last week and I wanted to write something that wasn't an epic.

_Notes for changes from last chapter:_

-about glass houses- I was having a brain dead moment and I mixed up two different sayings and combined them. Who am I, Aino Minako from Sailor Moon? I combined the sayings "those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" and "good fences make good neighbors." I knew it sounded wrong, but I went back and fixed it.

-about Monty Python and the dead parrot sketch- I thought that it might be funny if I put in a little more of the actual words. _If you want, you can change the words to be about Kikyo- that's fun._ evil grin but anyway…

A guy brings in a parrot that he had bought that day and insists the parrot is dead. The owner says that the parrot is just resting. After some dialogue, the customer starts screaming at the parrot and banging it on the counter because he knows that it's dead. Here's part of the outburst from the customer that follows. "That parrot is definitely deceased; it's bleeding demised… No, it's not pining; it's passed on! It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot! It's a stiff, bereft of life and it rests in peace!"

_Notes about this chapter:_

This chapter will be in third person like last chapter- I just don't want to write it from any one person's perspective. Pt 18 should be back to Kagome's POV when she is involved. Also, thank you's will be moved to the end of the chapter just so you can get to the story this time.

_Previously on Impurity of Selfishness:_

Realization dawns on Sango and she rubs her forehead. "Yes, you always have that look on your face and more than that, you never apologize for such behavior. I'm the one who's sorry. I jumped to conclusions… but I just don't know what happened… Miroku-sama. Oh what happened between Inuyasha and Kagome- I guess we should give them some time to talk."

**Pt 17- I am everything inside of you that you fear…**

"The sea reflects the sky like your eyes reflect mine, but just as the sea holds things of which the sky can never dream, I am everything inside of you that you fear…"

–KRH, it's a cross between a quote and a paraphrase. I had the original on the computer whose hard drive decided to go into meltdown!

Miroku nods to Sango and gestures to a couple of decently-sized rocks that are resting a few feet away. "Sango, shall we sit here and talk this over? I agree that we should give Inuyasha and Kagome-sama some time to talk but I believe that we need to converse as well. Would you not agree with that assessment?" He sits down with a sigh and looks longingly at the beautiful woman now sitting opposite him. At the same time, Shippo and Kirara follow them and curl up nearby.

In response, Sango examines her hands and begins to nervously twiddle her thumbs. After a moment, she nods and takes a deep breath. "Yes, houshi-sama, you're right. We need to talk."

He shakes his head again. "Please, Sango, please call me Miroku. You seem so far away when you call me houshi-sama, almost as if we aren't friends at all." She doesn't respond. "Oh, Sango, I'm sorry for what happened tonight, but I honestly had no intention of having that happen. Please… I can't let this ruin our relationship… I just can't. You explained the situation to me and I wanted so much to treat you with respect- to show you that I understand. I wanted to prove it to you and now…" He sighs and looks away. "Oh please forgive me, Sango. I'm incredibly sorry- you'll never know how much."

"Houshi-sa… uh, Miroku-sama, I told you. I jumped to conclusions and that was wrong of me. You never apologize…" She shakes her head. "I believe you, Miroku-sama. It was an honest mistake- it must've been… No, it is I who must beg your forgiveness."

"But, Sango, there was nothing to forgive." He smiles and pauses to watch her eyes widen as she looks at the ground. "How about this- we call this even and will both be careful. I will respect you and you can work on jumping to conclusions, perhaps?" Miroku has an impish smile on his face when Sango lifts her eyes to his. With a covered glace towards the area where Inuyasha and Kagome are, he raises his eyebrows. "Hey, let's work together!" He winks. "Let's spy on them and see what's going on with them."

Sango narrows her eyes and purses her lips. "No! That's stupid. That's none of your business and I will not let you do it!"

"Aww, come on, Sango? Please?" She gives him a look that says try-that-and-you-will-be-in-pain. He nods and sighs- they end up at an impasse.

_Previously with Inuyasha and Kagome:_

He breaks the kiss and pulls her into the protective circle of his strong arms. "Oh Kagome, why did you have to be you? But you don't… no, not here, not for you… not me. Dear Kagome, you deserve better, much better than me…. so I want to remember us this way, Kagome." At these words, she catches her breath and tries very hard not to burst into tears. After such warmth and wonderful feelings, he unknowingly throws a bucket of ice water over her heart, freezing the flowing life force in her veins. Her instincts take over as she pulls him closer and closer.

Kagome lowers her gaze slightly and examines the prayer bead necklace. She unwinds one of her arms from around Inuyasha's waist to play with the entrancing, purple spheres. Inuyasha sighs and looks past her, but pulls Kagome back to his chest. Though he cannot see it, the reflection of light in her eyes turns yellow and the pupils of her eyes quickly dilate. Adrenaline begins pumping through their veins as they hear the quick pulsing of each others' hearts. The young miko lets out the breath that she had been holding and nods.

Seeing the movement of her head, Inuyasha thinks that she understands what he is trying to say. "Thank you, Kagome. I don't deserve even this, but please let me remember…" Kagome slowly runs her fingers through his silken hair and reaches up to massage his sensitive white ears. In response, Inuyasha purrs in contentment and pushes up Kagome's chin with his index finger. Slowly, he begins to bring his face to hers once more. "Kagome, I want you to know that I…"

Kagome cuts him off by pressing her lips to his with a searing kiss. They wrap their arms around each other and hold each other tight. Their fervent kisses become more and more heated. Behind Inuyasha's back, there is a glowing gold light around Kagome's fingers. A split-second later, she roughly pushes him away and holds up deadly golden fingernails to his throat.

At that moment, Kagome holds power-lengthened fingernails at Inuyasha's throat, but she is unable to strike. Instead of being the attacker, she now becomes the victim as pictures of everything that she has done to Inuyasha that she could not remember now come rushing back to her in an amazing deluge. Unable to share her mind with another, Kagome fights openly with Kikyo. As a result, her body falls with a plop to the ground and both Kikyo and Kagome's spirits rise from the body that they had shared. Inuyasha, newly released from the grasp of the young woman, stares in shock at the scene before him from the patch of grass where he had fallen. His eyes are glazed over and he feels nothing and so the women converse practically in private.

The slightly transparent image of Kikyo narrows her dark eyes accusingly at Kagome. "You have fought well, but I am disappointed that you could not figure out what was happening to you, sometime before now. After all, it is said that you are my reincarnation, but I sometimes beg to differ- your powers are so weak. Ah, these things were not your doing, but there have been other things that have been and always shall be… your fault. Perhaps finally you shall see the truth and nothing but the truth from which you love to run whenever the opportunity arises." Kagome gives the elegant woman a confused and hurt glance. "Even now, you have no idea what you have done. Do you know yourself so little? Goodness, even I know you better… even during those times when you shielded me from influencing your actions. Well… Kagome, since we are finally here in this time of confrontation, I shall show you what you refuse to see- that which lies deep within in your heart."

Kikyo claps her spirit hands, but no sound is heard. The silence echoes on until she breaks it. "Let's see, where shall we start, my dear?" Kikyo places sickening emphasis on the last word that makes the woman's hatred of Kagome crystal clear. "You have confused Inuyasha with your intentions and made him absurdly think that he has fallen in love with you." She lightly laughs and Kagome narrows her eyes. After a moment of gaiety, Kikyo suddenly turns angry and serious in a swift change that shocks Kagome into forgetting her every thought. "Kagome, you should have known better and just left Inuyasha to me instead of trying to make him into something that he simply is not and never will be, regardless of the situation. Silly young girl lost in a time that is not your own- this is his time; this is where he belongs- not with you, not in your world. You confuse him- oh and please enlighten me because I have been wondering, so I shall be nothing but frank. How do you sleep at night?"

Her cruel smile becomes more mocking with each word that she speaks. "As if that torture is not enough, you also meddle in the lives of Miroku and Sango. You annoy them and get in the way. No, you do not know, do you?" The dead spirit shakes her head. "Now, because of you and your reckless actions, everything has become so complicated. Your pretty friend Sango will not even think about a romantic relationship because she has to get revenge on Naraku- and now she travels with you, because you broke the Shikon no Tama. If you had not broken it- if you had been stronger… yes you see where I am going, do you not, little girl? These extenuating circumstances only get in the way of Miroku and Sango's love for each other. As for Inuyasha, he wants his revenge on Naraku and if you hadn't broken the Shikon no Tama, he would not be nearly so powerful! Besides that, he cannot move on- he cannot be with me, nor can he fully give himself to you! Do you not see? Your friends are all cleaning up your mess for you! Your lack of ability puts them in danger. In the meantime, you have been compromised and kept them from fighting as well as they could have- all because they were worried about you and your precious safety!"

Kikyo rolls her eyes and Kagome continues to stare in frightened disbelief. "Oh I am leaving one out; I am. As for Shippo the orphaned kitsune youkai cub, you are too busy cuckolding him to allow him to get his own strength and grow up! If you let him test his strength in battle every now and again, he would become stronger and not be constantly leaping to your shoulder every five seconds as he has a tendency to do. He adores you, but his love for you makes him grow soft as do the feelings you started in Inuyasha."

She softly laughs as Kagome looks on in horror. "Yes we move back to the main issue between us, do we not, girl- we return to our mutual love of Inuyasha." She gestures to the shocked half inuyoukai sitting a few feet away from her. Kagome looks longingly at him and more fully remembers her true feelings for him. At the same time, Inuyasha stares off into space and does not seem to pay much attention to either of them. In response, Kagome's eyes glisten and grow luminous, an action that is not at all lost upon Kikyo.

"Ok, Kagome." A cruel smile plays upon the dead woman's face, but Kagome has no options to fight back. "How would you feel if Inuyasha used the Shikon no Tama to be a full youkai, or almost a true youkai. Please, you can tell me," she whispers conspiratorially. "How would you feel? Would you be honestly happy for him that he achieved his lifelong dream?" Kagome looks down and says nothing. Kikyo continues relentlessly, "Can you offer him that chance of a lifetime?" Kagome looks up in wonder as Kikyo admits the truth. "Yes, my dim-witted reincarnation, as you have undoubtedly surmised, I can grant that wish." She raises Naraku's huge Shikon no Kakera from the pocket of the still body below them. "This possesses enough power to fulfill his dreams. So, I have done this for him- forgive me for being blunt with you once more, but what can you do to help him besides search for Shikon no Kakera?"

Kagome's eyes narrow further and she crosses her arms in stubborn frustration, but still, she manages not to respond. Kikyo notices this with glee. "Kagome, do not blame me- this was what you wanted- deep down within your heart. Can you not see it- we are one, you and I. You know this to be true… as I do from being inside your mind. You think that you love him more truly than I do… but if you love him, explain your dreaming heart to him. He is right there and he will listen! If you love him, explain your selfish desire for him to drop everything and follow you and your dreams. If you love him, why don't you love his deep and most desperate dream? In your darkest moments, you, Higurashi Kagome, have thought about me with ever-growing hatred and you cannot deny that you have thought about me with pleasant dreams of shoving me back into hell- even before the day that I first tried to kill you. You are only a silly child after all… You see, dear, I know that I can hate and I do hate you, although you are part of me. I do not try to run from what I truly am, unlike you. I, Kagome, am everything inside of you that you fear."

After Kikyo's frightening declaration, Inuyasha wakes up from his trance and stupor and stares at the tense scene before him. Nearby, Miroku and Sango hear the yelling and have come to investigate. As they step into the clearing with sudden bursts of curiosity and worry in their eyes, Kagome's inner distress finally breaks her outward defenses and tears start bitterly making their ways down her red face.

The tears come faster and faster, but each person is frozen in his or her position and so no one comes to help her wipe the salty manifestations of fear away. She hates to break down in front of everyone, but she feels that she has no choice and that she can't stand the pain any longer. Kikyo's taunts cut deep, much deeper than she had wished, but no deeper than she allowed. With one last despairing glance at Inuyasha, she shakes her head and gives up to Kikyo. Words of apology come out of her mouth to attempt to explain her dilemma to her waiting and worried friends. "Oh, minna… I'm sorry that I was so selfish- I tried to block the truth, but she's correct. I've truly ruined everything- everything that mattered." She glances at Inuyasha sadly. "Inuyasha, if I had loved you purely, I would've done better, but instead I only exacerbated the problem."

She now looks to Miroku and Sango. "I broke the Shikon no Tama and now you're forced to clean up the mess that I made… and you will not give thoughts to your own love or happiness because of it." At that moment, Shippo and Kirara sleepily appear and also begin to stare. Kagome looks on them with love and sadness. Shippo begins to runs towards her, but she stops him with a gentle but firm hand gesture. "Oh no, not now. I must stop pampering you and allow you to grow stronger. I hold you back, my dear Shippo- as I do everyone." Shippo tries to argue, but his protests are drowned out by Kagome's next words.

Her eyes are dark, cold and full of sharp, biting pain. Still, she manages to speak. "Oh, my wonderful friends… you've been my joy. I hope that someday you will be able to… Yes maybe… that you will please forgive me for my apparent weaknesses. Never think that I don't love you because I love you all and treasure the memories that we have created together more than you can ever, ever know. But as such, you can all be happier now because I must leave you and relieve you of this burden, relieve you of me. Then I will not mess things up anymore."

They try to shake their heads, but the young woman blindly forges ahead. "No matter how much I love all of you and how much I want to see you all, especially you, Inuyasha, I can't cause you pain with a clear conscious. Please be happy and remember the good times that we shared together. True, true, it may only be the past, but it was real and special. Perhaps we will meet again one day. Farewell." With an embarrassed wave goodbye, Kagome's spirit begins to fade before them, rushes back into her body but she does not awaken.

**Ok now I know that this was a weird chapter and you hate me with a passion for what I've done to Kagome. You must be thinking… she is sooo much stronger than that. Yes, I happen to agree, but if you will be patient, I have given a large explanation for this at the beginning of the next chapter, so go check it out when I put it up, alright? Just give me a chance!**

That's it for part 17- not as long as I had hoped, but oh well. Sorry it took so long, everyone. Part 18 should be up soon- it's title is not exciting yet and it may never be, so I won't reveal it. I must admit that I am anxious to finish this one off- it is turning out great but I am so close- you know? Hey I know I will be editing it because I am bad about going back and editing… anyway… Please review… please, please, please- I'll never know you read it if you don't. pout 

Shoutouts:

Classic Cowboy- Sorry I snuck up on you… please don't bang your head on the wall- it'll wake the Dursley's! Next part of this one or the other should be up soon!

Angelstars- Yeah sorry about that evil cliffhanger- I had planned it forever ago and I thought it would be good for dramatic reasons if I continued as planned. Sorry the update took forever and a day. Hopefully this one was somewhat worth it.

Lachesis- Cool name, might I say? Thank you for your encouragement and compliment- I am so pleased that you are looking forward to the rapidly coming conclusion- only a few chapters left!

DiLLiRgA- Goosebumps? Wow, cool. Yeah it was an evil place to leave off. I don't know if this is as good as I wanted it to be but I wanted so badly to go ahead and get it up. I had made everyone wait long enough.

Review; review; review- to those who don't know, I am very, very influenced and inspired by reviews. Ok no begging from me… I'll be back soon… je reviendrai!


	18. Pt 18: To Live

Ok, patient peeps- I combined two into one for y'all- ok at one time it was going to be three chapters but I decided shorter was better. **This is the last chapter before the epilogue. **Please forgive me for taking so long. I may have pneumonia and I've had some writer's block… but here it is and it's almost done! One epilogue and this will be finished! I can feel the excitement!

**IMPORTANT- please read!** I would like to comment on Kagome's actions in that last chapter that I wrote- yes, I think that she is stronger than that, too. So therefore the question becomes- why on Earth did I write it that way? Here is the partial answer that I will give you now- I will give a more complete one after this chapter and another after the epilogue- hopefully these explanations can make my intentions clearer to everyone...

When I have seen Kagome react to these difficult situations, she usually fights, but it is not an immediate reaction. This was her immediate reaction- not her complete reaction, so don't just assume that was it- of course I would not leave it there- Kagome is much stronger than that. Think about it this way- you think that you've been trying to kill the guy you love! It's a rather deafening psychological blow- and it's not like she has had time to think about it at all. Too much information and no time to think- she only has time to react. She's in pain; she's in turmoil and is not thinking straight- she just reacts.

**Pt 18- To Live**

"_Schmendrick-_ All the unicorns of the world will remain prisoners forever - except one, and she will grow old and die. _Lady Amalthea (says to Prince Lir)_ - Everything dies. I want to die when you die. I am no unicorn, no magical creature. I am _human_, and I love you. Do not let him. _Schmendrick-_Very well - let it end here, then, let the quest end! I doubt I could turn you back if you wished it. Marry the prince and live happily ever after. _Lady Amalthea_-Yes. That is my wish. _Prince Lir- No_...My lady, I am a hero, and heroes know - heroes know the _order_ of things. They know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen...Quests may not simply be abandoned - prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit. Unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever...The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story. _Molly-_But what if there isn't a happy ending at all? _Schmendrick-_There are no happy endings. Nothing ends."

- The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle (coming out in a new live-action motion picture in the fall of 2004! Check out website http/ Kagome's depressed spirit submits to the huge psychological shock imposed upon her by Kikyo, the others stare silently at the scene before them as if they don't believe their eyes. Kikyo looks triumphantly at Inuyasha, who simply examines the still body as if he expects it to suddenly stand up and look at him with beautiful, wide-open eyes. Like all the rest, he currently exists in a state of shock. More than that, he also doesn't remember exactly what happened between the two women that he has ever loved.

His little shoulders slumping, Shippo begins to cry hot tears as he runs towards the body. As he gets close to Kagome, he throws somewhat unthreatening death glances at Kikyo. Meanwhile, Sango, with her mouth open in surprise, shakes her head and manages to pull Shippo away from Kagome's body and then takes the little, sad kitsune in her arms and comforts him with a hug. Miroku walks over to Inuyasha and helps him stand up and walk over to where Sango and Shippo patiently wait.

As the hanyou looks at his supportive friends, his eyes finally clear and so he turns to face his first love whose spirit still hovers over the silent body. His face hardening into rage, he glares at Kikyo. "Kikyo," he spits out, "What the fuck have you done to Kagome?"

She blinks. "Isn't it obvious? I punished her for leading you on. She distracted and confused you, Inuyasha, and it was not fair. She simply got what she deserved."

"She distracted me from what, exactly, Kikyo? How could she have gotten what she deserved? What the hell did she ever do to you, Kikyo? How could you do this to my sweet Kagome?" His eyes flash partially red and he clenches his fists almost to the point of drawing blood.

"She distracted you from your promise and your love for me, Inuyasha. She can never be with you and so she would only have hurt you. Listen to yourself- your sweet Kagome? It has gotten worse than I had thought. Darling, don't be so sad and defensive- you know that she didn't belong here, not like you do. It is as I told you before- you belong to me." Elegantly, she shakes her head. "Sadly, she just couldn't bring herself to let you go and so I had to make it occur. I know that you are slightly angry at me, but believe me- this is for the best."

He growls and throws acidic glares at her. "Angry? If you were anyone else, I would not hesitate to rip you to shreds for being such a heinous bitch! My relationship with Kagome is none of your damned business! More than that, I can make my own choices- it is not your job to run my life for me. At least I am still alive, unlike you, you fucking zombie! You have no right to make those decisions for me! You aren't even half the woman that Kagome is- literally!"

Her smile wavers for a moment at his harsh words and she closes her eyes to calm herself. "That was harsh, love. She got deeper into you than I had thought. Don't be silly- of course I have the right. You gave your life to me and I will do with it as I please. I know what's best for you. You are mentally incapable of making a logical decision in your condition."

He spits at the place where her feet would be. "You can take your ideas and shove them up your murderous ass! You are out of line, Kikyo!"

She puts her hand to her sternum in surprise. "Oh my, my, my- aren't we feisty? Calm down, Inuyasha. Don't you trust me?" He glares at her without response. "I see. Well, come and look- I've brought you a little present, don't you remember?"

"What present? All you've done is hurt Kagome and make her go away… or something- whatever the fuck you did to her! How do you expect me to forgive you for something as low as this, you calculating bitch!"

With a smug smile, she responds, "Just as long as I can be your bitch, love." Kikyo remains silent to watch his face contort as he tries not to lose control and attack her. He manages to calm himself a bit and so after a minute, she sighs sadly. "You really do not remember what happened, do you? Well since you were too busy pouting over that little baby girl, you didn't pay attention. I had not realized that you had become quite so oblivious to what happens around you."

"I am not fucking oblivious, dammit! She is not a baby girl- she is her own person, a wonderful woman who I happen to love! Damn you to hell, Kikyo!"

"Only if you come with me, sweetheart." She smiles disturbingly before continuing. "Oh well, enough tossing playful insults back and forth…"

He interrupts, "Who says I'm just being playful!"

She ignores him. "Listen carefully to what I say. I came here to offer you your deepest dream- to become a true youkai. You tried to get the Shikon no Tama all those years ago and since it was my duty to protect the jewel, I couldn't comply- certainly not to allow you to become a youkai. Now, that is not the case. This girl," she gestures to Kagome, "is now responsible for what happens to the jewel- this is her fault. She recklessly shattered it and now she must pay the price. As for you, you must do only one thing and in return, I will give you everything your heart desires." She pauses for emphasis. "All you must do is forget that girl, Kagome." He glares at her. "Oh be still- she is alive for now… unless you do as I say. Yes, I now have complete control of that body since she has decided to hide in the recesses of her consciousness."

Inuyasha's eyebrows plunge downward and he looks at Kagome's body. "She's hiding? I'm not sure that I understand. Explain now!" He holds out his claws threateningly.

"Oh, don't be so naïve. She couldn't withstand the psychological shock applied to her system." He still looks puzzled. "Fine, I will explain further. She, Kagome, has an amazing capacity to feel- when she feels, she feels very strongly. This is a great strength, but also a frightening weakness. Knowing this, I couldn't allow her the time necessary to confront the heart-wrenching pain- it is a natural reaction. The mind is works in amazing ways, but you even so should be proud of her for her efforts. She managed to keep me at bay much longer than I would have imagined- considering that she didn't know what, or rather whom, she was fighting. Now, she has shut down, just as I had predicted- it is not a matter of strength really. Her spirit is quite strong to tell you the truth- you should not doubt that. But with explanations behind us, we must return to the task at hand. Inuyasha, you cannot have both of us; you must choose now, Inuyasha- her or me?" His mouth drops open. "Yes, you heard me. She isn't dead- she has put herself into a deep sleep, but eventually she will try to reawaken. Only one of us can survive in that body and so you must condemn one of us to save the other, so decide or have neither of us. Do not be hasty, because remember what I offer you- your precious dream is only a few feet away." She tauntingly holds up the Shikon no Kakera that is almost complete. His golden eyes focus on the jewel and he can't hide his longing. "Yes, Inuyasha, let me give you this gift. This possesses enough power to fulfill your dreams. I ask for so little really; all I ask is that you forget her."

As Inuyasha wrestles with his feelings, Kaede appears silently and mysteriously. With a few quick movements for someone her age, she comes up behind Kikyo and swipes the jewel from her older sister's grasp before Inuyasha can make a decision. She nods to Miroku to come next to her and they nods to each other. With a simple spell, they seal Kagome/Kikyo and freeze the two of them in time just until they decide which course of action to take. Kaede gestures and they move Kagome's body with Kikyo's soul still attached back to Kaede's home.

(Kagome's spirit…)

Kagome curls up in fetal position with her eyes tightly closed in a space of total darkness. _I feel cold, but the air that touches my skin does not feel frigid- in fact, it feels strange, almost as if was not air, but something without substance- nothingness. That sounds strange, but nothing else comes close to explaining the true feeling of this… place. That's right- where am I? Why am I here? Where is my family? Where are my friends? When I open my eyes, surely I will find them nearby, waiting for me with huge, warming grins on their faces._

She feels partially suffocated by a mysterious tightening in her chest. Without opening her eyes, she puts her right hand up and when it reaches her bosom, she can feel a strange necklace around her neck- jewelry composed of beads. Her eyes snap open in surprise, but as she looks around, she forgets what she is doing.

Light shines around her and she can see all of her family, all her friends and Kisho in one place. Before she can look into his eyes, he takes her gently in his arms and she hesitantly returns the embrace without complaint. _Oh that must've been a dream. Everything is normal. How silly of me to take some strange notion like that seriously in the first place! What was that nightmare about anyway?_

She pulls away from Kisho with a sweet smile and takes his hand in her own so that they can both greet their mutual friends properly. They are standing in the area out in front of the Goshinboku; everyone is there to celebrate her birthday. As Kagome looks up into the branches of the Goshinboku, she notices some movement behind the tree itself. A couple of young people are standing there talking. _Why am I glancing at them? I don't know if I know them- they seem slightly familiar._

She looks closer and realizes that there is a young man, a young woman and a cute little boy who holds a little white and black kitten close to him. They appear normal and of no consequence, but for some reason, Kagome can't stop watching them although they aren't even looking in her direction. Suddenly, Kisho yanks on her sleeve and tries to pull her into a conversation and she finds herself forced into looking away to answer Kisho's random question. When she looks back to further examine the trio, they have disappeared.

Uneasiness runs through her veins and tendrils of thought try to untangle themselves, but to no avail. _I feel as if I should remember something, something important- but for some reason, I can't unearth the lost ideas. _She shakes her head and sighs to vent her frustration. At that moment, Souta runs up to her and attempts to get her attention.

"Onee-chan… what are you thinking about?" She looks down slightly at him and watches him give her a cute smile.

"Oh, don't you worry about me, Souta. I just have cobwebs in my head- I wasn't thinking about anything." He leaps into her arms and she is unable to hold on to him. He accidentally grabs on to her necklace as he falls. The world goes into slow motion as he falls and the necklace breaks in a shower of dark red beads. Souta manages to land on his feet, but looks down at the necklace in shock for a moment.

In the resonating silence that ensued, Kagome's vision blurs and the tightness in her chest recedes, no longer to conceal the grief. The red beads bounce about on the concrete and she watches them as if in a trance. _I didn't remember that I had a necklace like that… I wonder…_ The sun goes behind a cloud and the light of the scene diminishes considerably. The beads begin to glow a blood red color and reform the necklace, to Kagome's horror. As the enchanted object floats towards her threateningly, she responds totally by instinct and runs to the Goshinboku, for no reason at all. The beads follow her as she runs faster in hopes of escaping.

Back to reality now in Kaede's hut…

Miroku sighs in relief. "What are we going to do, Kaede-sama? Do you have a plan? That was extremely quick thinking, if I do say so myself."

"Thank you for your assistance. As for a plan, I do have one at present. I went and found something that belongs to you, Kikyo-onee-sama- your body so to speak." Kaede gestures to the shell that is slumped right behind her in one of the corners. "Oh stop trying to control yourself from this distance. I have put a blocking spell on the body, one that not even you can make or break- certainly not without a body. Now, I have the Shikon no Tama, excuse me, Shikon no Kakera. I have no comment as to your behavior, but this is ridiculous. I will use the power to put your spirit back into the shell. That is Kagome's body and you do not belong there. You do not belong here, Kikyo-onee-sama, but that is your choice. I cannot allow you to deny Kagome her body any longer. I had my suspicions but there was not any action that I could take until now, when you decided to show yourself."

"Kaede, you cannot do that. You would presume to use the jewel?"

"I can and I shall- I do not need the entire power of the jewel- using it will only expedite the process. I may not have your powers or those of Kagome, but I know enough to do this- it is related to saving someone from the possession of a demon. You underestimate me, Onee-sama." Without another word, Kaede closes her eyes and holds out the jewel over the body. Everyone holds their breath as she begins to mutter unintelligible words. After a few moments of concentration, the jewel glows and Kikyo's spirit is reluctantly flung back into her shell.

Kikyo's shell still has enough souls to move and so she sits up and glares at Kaede. "I cannot believe that you did that." The old woman shrugs. "Oh well, she is still under my spell and under the influence of her own shock." Inuyasha walks over the Kagome's body and puts a hand to her cheek, but Kagome doesn't stir at his touch. He doesn't move, but patiently waits. Kikyo walks up behind him and puts her hand on his shoulder. "I told you- this was for the best. You are mine, as you promised. I tried to give you your dreams, but you denied me. Instead, come with me, now, just as you promised. You owe me that much."

Feeling only anger from Kikyo's attempts to entice him, Inuyasha sneers and shoved her away from him so that she can't touch him any more. He looks at her with pure contempt. " Do not touch me, bitch!" She tries to respond but he will not let her. "No, shut up, you freak of nature! You have spoken more than your fair five minutes and so now it is my turn to speak. So, corpse, listen to me now, will you? You owe me that much. No, actually, you owe me much, much more than that!" He begins shaking in his anger. "So it's understood. Kikyo, you had no right to do what you have done. Kagome is our precious friend… and my precious love. You have no right to interfere at all, and even less to tell her that all of our pain is her fault. If you respected me, you would've respected my right to decide how to live or die. You are such a presumptuous bitch!"

He stops for a moment, but no one has any words. They are all shocked that he would speak to Kikyo as he is doing now. Normally, he falls under her spell, but no longer… and no one in the vicinity blames him for his righteous anger. Kikyo looks down at the ground; she can't look into his eyes. "Kikyo, who the fuck are you anyway? What the hell happened to you to make you be so unlike yourself? You expect me to love you when you are not you? Don't you hate yourself like this? How can you stand it? Why can't you just return to the cold rungs of hell to where you belong, traitorous asshole! So, why don't you just stop existing in the past and get a life, as much as you can for someone who is dead? Can't you get it through that undead head of yours- you are only a part of my past, of my heart to be certain, but not a part of my present or my future! My heart belongs to Kagome now. Kagome and I will decide what to do, because our relationship does not, nor will it ever, concern you. You do not have that control over me. If you ever loved me, accept this."

Kikyo fumes at his ultimatum and turns away in frustration.

(Kagome's spirit…)

_I can't seem to escape this evil menace. How strange that something like this would happen to me! Maybe someone's playing a sick joke on me for my birthday. They could've found a necklace of prayer beads around the shrine quite easily, if they had searched. Still, I don't remember having a red one, though._ Still running around the platform, she escapes the persistent beads. Her vision blurs the farther that she gets from the necklace. As she runs behind the Goshinboku a second time, the trio of people that she had noticed earlier wait for her. This time, they pay attention to her every move… and their clothes are odd- old fashioned, so it seems from her hurried glance. At that moment, memories begin rushing back to her. _Oh my gosh- Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kirara! What are they doing here? _She runs towards them, but as she gets nearer, they vanish with sad smiles on their faces. She slows down in surprise and the necklace fastens itself around her neck with a sickening click. The world appears stable again.

_What was I just remembering?_ Her heart recalls the impressions that her friends have unknowingly placed there, within her soul. Pictures of her life in the other time, in the Sengoku Jidai appear and her head begins to ache. In response, the jewels around her neck grow warm, almost burning, and she realizes that she can't move. Shutting her eyes to block the pain, she falls to knees. As she opens her eyes to examine the burns on her neck, she can see that everything around her has faded except a light in front of her, almost as if a projector is running behind her. She reaches up a hand to pull the prayer beads off and her hand receives a shock. _No, I need to remember! What- what is this warm, pain in my chest? Love… no you don't… what about Kisho- no, I love… Sengoku Jidai, Goshinboku- I love Inuyasha!_ Pictures of the hanyou flow through her head and also on the screen.

_That's right- how could I have forgotten? Oh Inuyasha… _Then she begins to recall what Kikyo said to her. _Oh my gosh, I hurt Inuyasha. I hurt my friends._ Tears travel down her face and she shuts her eyes in despair_. I can't believe that I left like that. I didn't know what to say- I just gave in without a fight and took her words to heart without thinking. Still, I sometimes doubt myself and wonder how useful I really am. During those moments of internal self-deprecation, I could feel such things as true, but I know that my friends don't see that. They believe the best of me and I love them for it. She managed to hit a sore spot and so I simply shut down. That was the past, so surely I can do better if my friends are willing to forgive me. I should've asked them, but did I? But wait, if I go back, will I see Inuyasha submitting to her and holding her in his arms? I don't like that at all. I love him. How have I survived this long?_ A dry ache begins in her chest. _Maybe he can forgive me… and if I love him, I must accept that which he chooses. I'm not forced to like it, but being his friend is better than never seeing him again. Yes, that's right. I don't care- I will be the best friend that I can to him, because I want to stand beside him… Oh Inuyasha, I want to see you again!_ The beads shatter from around her neck and everything fades.


	19. Pt 19: Epilogue Kikyo's monologue and th...

Hey everyone- thank you for the comments. Now I know that you are disappointed that this is not the ending chapter. nods I know- this is cruel, but what I am asking for is everyone's help on the ending.

I agree with Classic Cowboy that Kikyo should be punished more than that and I was planning on having something happen, but I thought that I should ask you guys what you think. I am hesitant to have Inuyasha hurt her that badly- the reason he let her go as much as he did is because he was more worried about Kagome or that was my intent- which I will make more clear when I edit… but Inuyasha did always had a blind spot for her and her actions so I am hesitant to have him hurt her- besides how much can he or anyone else hurt her- she's freaking dead. I was thinking that maybe Kagome could go into Kikyo's mind the same way that Kikyo did to her. Kagome could break down Kikyo's barriers- her hatred and revenge that gives her "purpose" and keeps her "alive" and maybe steal back her soul? I thought that would be appropriate- eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth- Code of Hammurabi and let the punishment fit the crime sort of thing, but I am afraid that is too extreme. Either that or she could maybe have some deal that says that unless the dead broad becomes a spy in Naraku's camp so to speak, Kagome can take her soul back.

Also, now that this, my first draft of my first fanfic, is almost finished, I am already thinking of ways to go back and improve my story.

1. I am going to make Kagome 18 instead of 16- the anime has been going on for 2 and half years now and so she should be 17... but since I guess I am increasing her vocabulary- thank you Rurouni Star- I better jump up her age. Also, about the contractions- I'll go back and take a look. My tendency not to use contractions comes from years of training. In academic writing, contractions are still considered rather inappropriate and that way was how I was originally taught to write. I am glad to know these things because I don't have a beta- I do it all myself.

2. I am planning on adding a whole new chapter in there at some point- and add a few more fluffy moments to take the pressure off, although hopefully without disjointing the story. I admit that I rushed the plot line and did not really add things because I just wanted to get it done, but after it is, I will go back and fix this issue and by doing so, make my story stronger. If anyone has any ideas of where I could go add things or whatever else, please tell me- anything will be greatly appreciated. (Thanks again to Rurouni Star!)

On another note- I will be returning back to school in a little over a week- time to get cracking so I can get my undergrad degree in 05- a year late, but so? I took two quarters off! I will still make time for my stories, so never fear! I'll probably write better since I will again be exposed to my peers and new knowledge, blah, blah, blah.

So enough rambling and I will appreciate any help that you would like to offer!

I'll be back with the real epilogue soon!

3/30/03- I'm back! Ahh… I know. I'm sorry. I had the worst block and just could not bring myself to write the ending, nor did I know what I wanted to say. I know- it's always good to know what you want to say before you write. Anyway, here it is.

**Extra author's notes to Ch 19:**

Classic Cowboy- Yeah IY shouldn't have let her off that much- do you have any ideas on what I could do that would be better and more appropriate?

Rurouni Star- Sorry about the contractions and big words. I've decided to go ahead and put it a few years farther in the future than I had so she's 18 instead of 16. Since the series is three years old, she would be getting older, but for some reason she seems to be staying the same age… As for contractions- I'm so used to typing it out because it is such a bad thing to do in academic writing that it just carries over into my recreational writing. I'm not angry or anything- I need feedback because this was my first fanfic that I ever started- not the first one I finished but the first one I started. As for the monologues, it was a device I was using that's all. But when I go back, I will check over Inuyasha's conversational style- even though he needs to be learning some new words some day, but that's not really up to me. giggle I meant to put some humor in- I did, but I found it difficult to find places to use humor. When I tried, those parts ended up getting cut because it just did not fit in the grand scheme of the story. Do you have any ideas of things I could go back and add humor without losing the flow and without disjointing the story?

**Author's notes to ch 20:**

1st thanks to all readers and reviewers… wipes away a tear Thank you all so much!

Nankinmai: I hope you think that this works out ok. I am going to go back and tweak everything later, so if you have any ideas, please tell me.

Angelstars: I'm so glad you got to see so much new IY- it's exciting! I want to read the manga, maybe someday if I'm lucky. BTW, I love anime music videos too… it's harder to download at school because they have this obnoxious firewall up that naturally pisses everyone off, but of well, what else can we do?

Lachesis: Wow you work as an editor? I am so excited that you are offering to be my beta… well I have been so bad about writing since I got back to school… I better wait on something like that, but I am overjoyed with your offer. I may take you up on it someday!

DiLLiRgA- I hope that you like how this comes out…. I know what you mean about Kikyo- it's very easy to simplify her character. I have this pet peeve about oversimplifying anyone… I call it pidgeon-holing, and I just don't like it. Of course, I mess up and all myself, but I try to be careful.

tsunami-chan: hehe thanks for reading- I'm glad to know that you enjoyed it!

**Pt 19- Epilogue: Kikyo's monologue and the resolution**

"It's only forever- not long at all. Lost and lonely, no one can blame you for walking away. Too much rejection, no love injection... Life can be easy; it's not always swell. Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl- 'cause it hurts like hell. But down in the underground, you'll find someone true down in the underground, a land serene, a crystal moon..."

- Underground, David Bowie from Labyrinth

(A few hours later…)

Kaede, Kagome and Inuyasha are all sitting in the little hut together. Kaede has an unreadable expression on her face and Kagome looks worriedly at Inuyasha, who stares into the fire.

Kaede takes a sip of tea and quietly begins the dreaded conversation. "Something must be done. We cannot simply leave this matter here. No one hates to see Kikyo-onee-sama in pain more than I, but we must act in some way." She pauses to examine the couple in front of her. "Please, tell me what you are feeling, Kagome-chan."

"I have mixed feelings on the issue. Part of me is extremely angry for what she did to me; I almost lost my consciousness, my life and yet I feel incredibly sorry for her. In many ways, she is me and I feel as if I've learned a great deal from this experience, from her. She dredged up feelings and thoughts that were within me, but that I can never have imagined doing or saying. I must admit that I'm a bit shocked at myself… but when I look into her eyes, I can now see the parts of her that are me. It's just really confusing." She buries her head in her hands. Inuyasha looks at her with sympathy before standing up randomly.

Kaede looks at him with alarm. "Inuyaasha, where are you going?"

He turns towards them both and simply replies, "Don't worry. I'll be right back."

Kikyo wanders nearby, because she has no place to go. She knows better than to assume that there would be no punishment for her actions.

Kikyo's thoughts/monologue (yes, another long monologue but I wanted to use it because it's a nice change… even if a monologue is more of a Shakespearean tool than a modern fictional one, but so? Variety is good.)

"Soon they will come to a decision as to what to do with me. Should I run from them? No, I cannot run from what I have done. So instead I will surrender to their judgment? That does not seem like me- how could I do that? Still, do I ever act like myself? I do not even know who I am anymore…"

"I know I am not perfect and that I no longer belong here. I understand why they feel uncomfortable around me, or more accurately, despise me. When I am there, I feel as if my actions are somewhat anti-climatic. Hearing Inuyasha put finality on our relationship hurt. Should I not feel- I am dead after all. I did ask him to come to hell with me. Perhaps that selfishness was more than a little unfounded. Seeing their happiness threw icy daggers into my heart and soul, yet it was strange because part of me was truly reunited with Inuyasha, my first and only love. She is so young and pure. In a way, she is me, since she is my reincarnation- we are part of each other. That I suppose should be some consolation, but I don't want consolation."

"I didn't want to be reawakened, to have everything brought back to the surface. I only wanted to rest in what I knew and to let my soul stay with that girl. Now we are both split and yet bound to each other. I suppose we are both angry with Inuyasha for saying my name when he saw the shell that Urasue made. I asked him not to say my name then, but he could not hear me. My peace shattered- I could not masquerade even in death that we had died together- and her heart felt betrayed. I understand that because that's how I feel now. I feel betrayed by the one I dared to trust. At that moment when he released me, he chose his past over his present. I suppose you could say it was the shock factor- after all, grief wells up quickly, overtakes us from behind and we are unable to stop it. I suppose all that matters little because I am here and so is she… and he chose her. I guess it's poetic justice that he loves our soul and that we have no choice it seems but to love him in return."

"I am not of the present or the future- I am out of time. That monk that I had to kill- he angered me when he ordered me to return to the world of the dead. He sparked my fury, although I know my face at least looked calm as I turned his spell back upon him. I guess you could call it self-defense, but I wonder who was hurt more. I hear his words echoing in my mind as I wander, a vagabond. I cannot stay in a village and help out, because as he said, I do not belong there. I don't belong anywhere on Earth, not even with my love, not anymore. But I still have my mission to complete and after that is finished, I will have no purpose but to return to hell, to the dark loneliness and to let that girl, Kagome, have the rest of our soul so that she can live happily ever after with Inuyasha. That was a smart remark that she turned on me. Nothing ends… I don't end either, because I am not going anywhere."

"The world will look back and paint me as a wicked corpse if they knew. There are those who remember only my true life- when I was young, pure, kind and able to help others. I feel somewhat like myself but I was tainted by my anger and fury and my spirit went through it all over again when my soul reawakened. I do not change now; that is the way of the dead. I wish I could be different and escape but that is not the way of this world, or the way of the world beyond. Perhaps they would suppose this is a plea for forgiveness and pity, but it is only an explanation. They are alive- how precious!"

Inuyasha quietly enters the clearing. "Hello Kikyo."

Kikyo doesn't turn to face him. "You've come for me then?"

In a matter of fact tone, Inuyasha responds. "Yes." He looks away for a moment. "Kikyo, I'm not sorry about what I said to you earlier. You deserved it. I wish that I hadn't lost my temper."

Without looking up at him, Kikyo's face becomes amazingly vulnerable. "No, I understand; I think… What will happen to me, Inuyasha? Will you obliterate my existence? Would that be alright with you?"

He sighs and continues to look down. "I don't know what'll happen. I want to leave this up to Kaede and Kagome; I can't make this decision." Changing the subject, he looks her in the eye. "What do you want Kikyo? Is it truly that important that you continue to live this _life_? You are not as I remembered… as you were."

"You're right. I am different now… and there is nothing I can do about it."

"Aren't you tired… don't you wish to return to where you belong… to what you once were? Hasn't this gone on long enough?" She doesn't answer. "Come, come with me. I love you Kikyo… and I always will. I just… I can't stand to see you like this. I can't imagine how you can stand to exist this way! That was a different life… and although I treasure our relationship, the time that we spent together, how you began to teach me to love, to trust, to hope… time needs to begins again… for both of us." He takes her hand gently in his.

She looks at him with a sad, far-away look and nods.

(Back in the hut…)

In order to keep their minds as clear as possible, Kaede is teaching Kagome to meditate as they wait for Inuyasha and Kikyo. The young woman is having a bit of trouble concentrating on the lesson.

Opening her eyes and staring straight ahead, she wonders aloud. "He went to get her, didn't he, Kaede-baa-chan? He went to go find Kikyo so that we can get this over with now and forever."

Instead of scolding her, the mentor smiles sadly and nods. "Yes, child, I do believe he did. The longer we wait, the harder it will be- trust me."

"I do trust you, but why do I feel so apprehensive about this? What she did was unforgivable and yet I hesitate?"

"It is not that simple, Kagome-chan. Nothing is nearly as simple as we want to make it out to be."

"I suppose so." Kagome sighs and randomly taps her fingernails against the floor in a rhythmic pattern. At that moment, Inuyasha pushes aside the mat to allow Kikyo to enter before him. The dead woman stares at the ground as she comes in with he characteristic grace. No one knows exactly what to say.

Kaede bites the bullet and begins the session. "Kikyo-onee-sama, welcome. I am sorry about this."

"So am I." Kikyo nervously wrings her hands. "What will you do with me? Kagome, what will happen?"

"I don't know, Kikyo. This whole thing just seems very wrong somehow. I don't know what we should do. Every time that they ask me about it, I feel as if my brain is about to shut down in protest! Oh I understand that something must be done, but sheesh, why does everyone keep asking me when I don't know?" Gently, she turns to Kikyo with a sympathetic smile on her face. "What do you think we should do, Kikyo?" Both Kaede and Inuyasha are lost in silence.

Taking a deep breath, Kikyo bravely answers. "Well I assume that you will send me to hell. I put you in great danger because of my selfishness…" Kikyo smiles sadly. "I could not imagine that Inuyasha could love you instead of me. There was so much pain and so I formulated my plan… to destroy your relationship with Inuyasha by changing you and to get your body in the process, so that I could live with my love." Without stopping, she continues to blabber on. "You were stronger than I had thought. I searched through your mind and heart to find out what your mannerisms were- that's how I knew about the ear pulling and osuwari, all that type of thing. I assume that you might be somewhat curious. So what did I do? In order to subdue you, I fed you a dream. You grabbed the happy vision and ran with it, not that I blame you for it. If I could truly dream, I would have done the same thing. Unfortunately, I do not change… life does not go on." She sighs and gives the response to the direct question. "I am stuck in time and I deserve to be sent to the dark, loneliness of hell. In a way, that is what I tried to subject you to… except that you would have been trapped in the prison of your mind, not the cold walls of the lowest rungs of hell. This punishment fits the crime."

Kagome looks into her eyes. "Why are you here now, Kikyo? What was your purpose?"

"He called me." She points at Inuyasha. "I did not wish to come back but then I was here and I thought that he had killed me. The anger keeps me going- although I know that my perception had been altered… I cannot change." She sighs and her shoulders droop. She puts her hand on Kagome's shoulder. "Time has stopped for me, Kagome. Won't you send me back to eternity?"

"Is that what you want, Kikyo? What do you want?"

Kikyo searches her soul for the answer, but can only look into Kagome's eyes. As they stare into each others' eyes, a silvery-blue light begins to form between them. Both of them look at it with unbelieving eyes.

The flash triggers something is Kikyo's eyes. "Kagome, I want to be me, again. I want to be free- I want to change, but that is impossible for me now." A small pop is heard and a red light begins to fly out of Kikyo.

"What was that, Kikyo?"

Kikyo does not answer but pushes Kagome away slightly. "If you don't go away in a moment, you will take me back into yourself." Kikyo backs away but the light only lessens slightly. "That will not work if you want to send me to hell."

Kagome is silent for a moment before shining with frustration. "Damn Naraku… that his influence could reach into your soul, our soul, so completely!" She clenches her fist before turning back towards Kaede and Inuyasha to receive permission. They both nod and allow the young miko to choose, because she had been the victim. "Kikyo, I will give you your punishment."

Kikyo lowers her head even further and waits. "And?"

"You will not live to see the end of Naraku. The task of protecting the jewel and defeating Naraku now passes to me." She pauses for emphasis and Kikyo cringes. "Kikyo you won't go to hell. Your anger is gone now… That is what the red light was, wasn't it?" Kikyo nods sadly. "I thought so…so although I shouldn't forgive you... I know that your crime was serious and that I was in danger. Still, if we look for a Biblical example: Moses sinned and so did not get to see the Promised Land- but I will not condemn you completely. I know you in a way deserve to see Naraku defeated since he was the reason for your death… but you will see it through me. Lend me your power, Kikyo. Will you join with me so that we may both learn from each other and find peace? Or would you rather return to hell and give up the rest of the soul by force as you leave this world?" Kagome, Kaede and Inuyasha smile at Kikyo.

Kikyo looks up in surprise. "What? You would…"

"Yes, I would." Kagome backs off for a moment. "Why don't you say your goodbyes to Kaede and Inuyasha, Kikyo?" Kagome backs off.

Kikyo almost smiles and turns to the two silent people who wait nearby. "Kaede, my dear little sister… I love you. I wish that we could have had a better reunion and reconciliation. You were so precious to me- forgive me if I cannot still remember you as my little sister when you have grown to be much wiser than I." She walks towards her to give her a hug, which Kaede accepts.

Kaede's eyes fill with tears, but she manages to keep her voice somewhat steady. "I always looked up to you, Kikyo-onee-sama. I missed you terribly. I will be happy when you are again peaceful and at rest."

Inuyasha comes forward next and Kikyo smiles again to say goodbye. "Inuyasha, my love… I allowed my love to be tainted, but I do love you very much. I'm sorry that I could not trust you as much as I needed to. Please be happy and take care of Kagome."

"Don't worry, Kikyo. I love you too. You'll be free again- you'll be you again. You will always be in my heart..." He gives her a warm hug and places a chaste kiss on her forehead before backing off to stand next to Kaede.

Kikyo turns back to Kagome. "I'm ready. Thank you very much for your incredible kindness and forgiveness, Kagome. You have given me more than I deserve."

Kagome nods. "We will both be free… and live with the one we love, Inuyasha." They both smile at each other and move with an arm's distance of each other. Grasping each other's hands, they both close their eyes. The silver-blue aura surrounds them again and begins to overtake them. Kagome pulls Kikyo's shell towards her and the light begins to pour into Kagome, who is desperately trying not to pass out. A few moments later, the light blinds everyone in the room and both bodies fall to the ground.

Kaede and Inuyasha both run to Kagome's side and call out to her in order to wake her up from her trance. Kagome's eyes open and she gets up to look at the shell. Kikyo's mouth is twisted in a small smile. Everyone looks at each other with happiness.

Inuyasha kisses Kagome's hand. "Are you alright now?"

She smiles at him. "I've never been better." Still looking at the empty shell, she smiles. "You know what we should do?"

(That night…)

Out in the wilderness under the twinkling stars, Kagome and company sit in front of a blazing, humongous campfire. Kagome and Kaede carry the shell with the help of Inuyasha and lay it on the pyre to burn. As the shell burns, Kagome imagines Kikyo's spirit being set free- free of her anger, of her pain, of her loneliness and of her timelessness.

Right beside her, Inuyasha stands with his arm around Kagome. Sadly, he smiles in remembrance of the women that he has loved. Finally, she is the woman that he knew and yet now she is gone. Kagome looks up at him and understanding his feelings, she runs her fingers across his jawbone to comfort him. He pulls her closer and buries his face in her hair to reassure himself of the truth of her presence and love.

A couple feet to the left, Kaede intensely examines the fire and her face is almost unreadable. Inside, she rejoices that her sister is now herself again and also feels the death of her sister again as she calculates how long it will take the fire to consume all the fuel. The ashes will be reburied in Kikyo's grave since Kikyo's previous ashes partially comprised the shell. Still, the thoughts of organizing what must be done cannot drown out the aching loss. As if sensing her pain, Kirara jumps up to Kaede's shoulder and purrs into her ear. Turning to the little fire-cat, the old miko smiles and begins petting Sango's faithful friend. Time has a way of healing all hurts and they are all finding the courage to go on.

The fire burned on into the night and each was lost in his or her own thoughts. They look up and directly overhead, they see a shooting star fall down from the heavens and are reminded how wonderful it is to simply be alive. Kagome and Inuyasha look at each other and sigh. With open hearts, they snuggle closer and pray for the spirit of a former enemy and an old love…

And life went on…

The End

Ok, DONE- for now. I will go back and add a couple of chapters that I wanted to put it in but didn't do the fact that I wanted to write the plot more, so that'll be good. As always, I'll tweak and fix and if anyone has any ideas for extra chapters, etc, please tell me. Please Review!

(BTW, Condition of the Souls should start going again. I'm having a little block on that one too, but the ice is beginning to melt, so that's wonderful. Thanks again everyone! You are all the best!)


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